Friday, December 30, 2016

Keeper of Hearts

The sudden onslaught of emotions knocked me off the pedestal,
Where I've painstakingly enthroned myself.
Unguarded, I came undone.
Powerless, I realize how puny I am.
I am no less capable of guarding this heart than I was when I gave that first cry.

A heart compelled to lie, to doubt, to fear
Is the only gift I can offer.
Lord, keep this heart, it is Yours
As you've tenderly cared for it from wars,
Fighting for my cause, You bear the scars.

Teach my heart to be still, to trust, to let go and just be held.
With only You enthroned and none else.
No hate, no fear, no sinful disease.
Let it overflow with love and joy,
A faith so strong that hope abounds. Keep it, guard it, oh, Keeper of Hearts.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Wellspring of Life

The temperature continues to fall as we draw closer to the heart of winter. And as it does, life throbs on unperturbed at its harshness and chill. Some may wonder how one stays cheery, much more passionate at the constant onslaught of coldness and terribly inhumane treatment. But there's something I want to tell you today.

The wellspring of life--- the heart--- stays warm as you guard and care for it.

Today has been an interesting day for me, not because of some big event or happening, but because of the bits and pieces that make up life. I had a conversation with my teen friends about the new year, growing old and something about fellowship/friendship/relationship. Here's what happened after they filed into the classroom bringing with them the mud from the melting snow. (We laughed as we saw how the floor was turned into something resembling that of a rice paddy with the amount of mud the teens' boots brought in.)

"So, are you, guys, looking forward to the new year?" I asked, thinking that everybody must be as excited as I am at the thought of the coming new year. I didn't expect the reply.

"No."

"No?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "Why?" I wanted to know what was so terrible about the coming year that my teen friends are not so happy about it. More difficult schoolwork? Loads more homework? A national exam to face? What? The response stumped me further.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Basic Essential

We have been enjoying a lot of snow since last week and much lower temperatures, too. When one goes outside, furry boots and coats are moving about, but those are actually ladies bundled inside, looking like elegant snow bunnies--- and me, a cute grizzly bear. Haha. Kids get their snowsuits as everyone know that they can't help themselves from rolling about in the snow. And the men? They have their thickly padded jackets that they all look like Iron Man, all muscles with their potbellies or bony frames hidden.

But underneath all these wrappings and trappings are flesh and bone beings, who get hungry and thirsty, need sleep and laughter, who long to love and be loved.

When all the big houses are gone and great accomplishments, and money too, all that's really left is the sky, soil and you. And people, who are no different than you... in the same form as when we first came forth.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Beauty

Li'l Angelika in a costume made
by my late mother, when I was away
 and unable to be with my daughter,
a few days before 'the storm'.
Beauty
is not found in heavily made up ladies,
Neither in the sparkling diamonds or glitters of gold
Brimming from necks and limbs;
Nor in the latest models of gadgets or antiques of old,
Strings of possessions and processions of things.

Beauty---
if you care to look--- is in the eyes
Of one where joy resides, see as she smiles
At the future in this ocean of life,
Facing with mirth its every ebb of tide,
Grateful, joyful for every unexpected love
Committed on the vow she made to the One above.

Friday, November 4, 2016

A Plot for Joy

So as winter rolls around, I find myself restless for change. Unaware, I tried to hasten to change the status quo. I guess, I'm tired of the usual dance of one step forward, two steps backward. I'm impatient for progress to happen. I mean, snow has fallen (again), but the same drama is playing.

I am less inclined now to watch movies or TV series that have dramatic tones. Who needs it when one is living it? Who needs tearjerking scenes when tears are one's bedfellow? I am smack dab into emotional scenes complete with screaming, tears, intrigues, manipulations, exaggerations, and characters that are way too colorful to be normal. If I have guts, I would be writing about my current life and make it into a movie. It is just too intriguing, with a plot... ah, the plot... that goes nowhere.

And that's why I want change. There has to be a way out of this cage of a plot!

Friday, October 28, 2016

Who Is Like God? (Happy birthday, my Little Captain!)

I write to you, my son, because there are some things I just don't want to say but I also want you to remember.

Foremost is, God.

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me" (Psalm 139:1).

I became a mother when I was gifted with you. That was ten years ago. I was uninitiated in motherhood and in life. But God in His wisdom gave me you. And in having you, I longed, bordering on desperation, to "know" Him, really know Him. I didn't know then that He would take me on a long journey. One that was unforgettable and replete with deep knowing of Him.

My son, in your vulnerability and helplessness, I found God's strength as I fiercely tried to protect and care for you. In Him, I see One who Protects those who are weak, vulnerable and are dependent on Him.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

7 Tips for a Joy-filled Parenting

"Good morning, Mom!"

Startled, I woke up from a deep sleep. I groaned. I still wanted to sleep, so I ignored the cheery voice, which was too cheery for a Saturday morning. Why can't I get an extra hour of sleep today like everyone does before my day starts and ends again at 12:00 midnight?

The childish voice came again, "Good morning, Mom! Wake up!" So I replied, "Mama is still sleepy. Please lie down again," trying to sound as sleepy as I could.

"Mama, wake up," the 'little dawn' shines, more insistently this time. So I rolled out of bed, head pounding and scooped my little toddler out of her crib (still didn't get to moving her to a toddler bed, no budget yet) and towards her potty. She held her arms wide open, ready to hug me tight, with a huge, bright smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back and whisper, "Good morning, Roxy," as her little arms embraced the whole of my heart.

My day has officially began.

Monday, October 10, 2016

Armor Up!

I woke up this morning feeling weak. But not just in body because I mostly lack sleep, but much more in spirit. There's a discouraging feel in the air. Stressed out by highly noxious people and the care of active children, I can understand where the feeling comes from. There are concerns, too, weighing on my mind. All temporal, I know. And some are even far out in the future.

What a loony, you may say. But how many of us often gets weighed down by worries and the negativity of those around us that we often fail to take off even as our day does? Many, I would say.

Today, someone I know has her heart broken. And another was quiet because she is worried of something that still will happen in the coming month. Then, there's someone who can't sleep...

Each a different person, but it sure sounds like one. Me.

On a deeper level, we all have been there--- had our hearts broken, worried to silence, and robbed of our precious sleep. It's no wonder that we wake up already tired and spent. And the day has just began.

I can't help but see in us a warrior, vulnerable and defenseless, even as the war wages on mercilessly and without end. Every morning waking up knowing there's a battle to do, but already spent and worn out. What is left in store for us? Logically, defeat.

But, wait! It's not yet over.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Autumn Song

As the leaves change their colors
As the wind blows yet unseen
As my eyes wander at the beauty around me
My mind tries to grasp Your majesty.

Power, authority, is Yours alone
But what really moves me
Are Your mercies new daily.

Unfailing love that holds me
Lifting me up to a place of dignity
Where I cannot walk on my own
But You've walked this road
Yes, Lord, You've walked
To carry me home.

I hear the children's laughter
The best music there is
My heart is rich with longing for the day
When You'll be calling out my name.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

From Drug Hell Into God's Hands (Part 2)

Good day!

God has "called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light" (1 Peter 2:9) that we may be "children of light" (Eph. 5:8).

Today, I am certain that you will all be blessed with our guest post today. It is an incredible story of God's love and His mighty power working to save us. When I first read this (for editing), I cried a million tears as I personally know Tudor. But I never thought he went through this as he was growing up. He admits he made bad choices--- really bad choices--- that set him out on a life of drug hell. Now, I am praising God with him for what He did, showing us that He is able to save. Oh, how He loves each of us so much. And He aches to bring us home with Him, despite of our brokenness. For He alone can forgive sins and can heal broken lives. I'm not going to say more. Let Tudor tell you of what God did.

By the way, this is the second part. If you haven't read the first part, please click over here From Drug Hell into God's Hands (Part 1). Be blessed!

Monday, September 26, 2016

From Drug Hell Into God's Hands (Part 1)

Good day!

God has "called [us] out of darkness into His marvelous light" (1 Peter 2:9) that we may be "children of light" (Eph. 5:8).

Today, I am certain that you will all be blessed with our guest post today. It is an incredible story of God's love and His mighty power working to save us. When I first read this (for editing), I cried a million tears as I personally know Tudor. But I never thought he went through this as he was growing up. He admits he made bad choices--- really bad choices--- that set him out on a life of drug hell. Now, I am praising God with him for what He did, showing us that He is able to save. Oh, how He loves each of us so much. And He aches to bring us home with Him, despite of our brokenness. For He alone can forgive sins and can heal broken lives. I'm not going to say more. Let Tudor tell you of what God did.

By the way, this post comes in two parts, so don't forget to come back to find out what happened next. Be blessed!


How It All Started


I never had an alcoholic drink until I got to highschool. And that, is a big deal as I come not only from a Christian home but one that advocates a healthy lifestyle. Not only that, I was also educated at a Christian school. My friends, however, persuaded me to drink alcohol with them. I said to myself at that time that that would be the first and last time I would drink, with only two or three glasses. But it didn’t happen that way.

A week later, my friends invited me to go out drinking with them again, but I told them that I wouldn’t be drinking. I don’t know if they believed me, but it didn’t matter because I found myself drinking for the second time. I once again resolved not to do it any more. But the following week was the same story--- my friends invited and I got drunk.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Am I On The Right Road?

It has been raining for several days. The skies are overcast with dark clouds, the atmosphere is dripping with rain and seldom does the sun take a peep just to say hello. When it does, it disappears so quickly that I had a feeling it has gone shy or is trying to be mysterious by hiding behind the curtains of the rain.

I cannot imagine being out there in that rain for a long period, drenched and in need of a good wring. But I do have an idea.

When I was in Seoul, Korea, I went out with a small group of young people from our church consisted of men, with the exception of myself, to climb Mt. Seorak. Seoraksan, as it is called, is the third highest mountain in Korea. The ladies decided not to go as they had seen that the weather was raining and predicted that it won't be worth the effort to go up. But I thought that I won't be in Korea forever and that may be my only chance to explore a new place and do something interesting--- climb Korea's most beautiful mountain. My companions were worried for me but I assured them that if I get too much of a burden, then they just have to leave me. For which, they shook their heads vigorously. Being a foreigner, my life was in their hands.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Adolescence: The Busy-ness of Growing Up

Former learning mates :D
I had a pretty long day teaching last Tuesday. I have large classes of students to teach this year. But the day was made extremely long because of my six-inch stiletto heels. :)

For the life of me, I can not find any reason why I wore it, except that I wasn't thinking. Or probably, I regressed to my adolescent years when I felt insecure for being short.

But after being in this world this long and after all the years of education, I should know by now that a man's worth (and most importantly, a woman's) is not in his height or appearance. Pardon me, I forgot. I forgot that what matters is not on the surface but what's deep down inside us.

So I spent a whole day with pinched feet as I taught lessons, miserably learning my own lesson. And it didn't help at all that even in my painful perch, the adolescents with their gangly legs towered over me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

I'm Coming Home!: Helping a Child with Trauma

A storm is brewing in the horizon as I'm writing this. And my husband is looking for the cat before it gets caught in it. The sky is in different shades of iron, from silvery gray to almost black. It is awesome to watch it. Through the windows from the safety of the house.

We were outside a few hours ago, as the kids and I often are one or two times in a day, to simply play and breath in fresh air. But the wind was blowing so vigorously, even throwing sand into our faces, that it got me thinking that if we were in the Philippines, we would've been in a dangerous situation just being outside. All kinds of stuff would have been flying around already. It brought to mind "the storm that changed my life".

Well, it was not only me who remembered that. Because as I was waking up my biggest girl, who was enjoying the last remaining days of her vacation sleeping in before she starts school again in a couple of days, responded to my cheery "Good morning!" as I drew the curtains, "The weather is scary!" And what can I say to that? To someone whose recurring nightmares, especially when awake, consists of whipping winds, floods, and being alone?

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Life Lessons to Learn from Young Children

Hello dears! 

The following is a guest post from Helen Huynh. We are blessed to have her writing for us today. Enjoy! (Find out more about her at http://homemadejoys.com/)



There were numerous times when I would stop what I do and just watch my children play. A smile would form in my face as I whisper a 'thank you' to the Maker who entrusted them to me because everyday I marvel at the blessings my young ones bring into our home. How silly of me to think I am here to teach them lessons and show them how to live life just because I am MOM. I realize that I learn from my little ones just as much as they learn from me. Each day I spend with them, I see some of life’s most valuable lessons.

How children become so adorable and so full of life, I have no idea. All I know is they give life more meaning. Even before they could speak, they teach. How? By the way they live. Here are my favorite life lessons that all of us could learn from young children:

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Aero-Humor

www.zernahfaith.blogspot.com
I was tired. I woke up very early that morning to catch a flight from my hometown, Tacloban City, which is just a small city, to the largest city in my country just to process some papers and then to head back home where my two daughters were waiting for me. I left them with their grandparents and I knew they were okay. But all I wanted to do was to get out of that noisy city and into my peaceful home where love and a hot meal and warm bed were waiting for me.

And so it was that as I learned that my plane was late, my patience was getting thin. I sat at the waiting area with the other passengers getting all grumpier. So I decided to get something to eat. When I went back to take a seat after having a small snack, I noticed an old woman all by herself, with a few luggage surrounding her lap, the seat next to her and her feet. Hand carry, I mused. Ah, typical for her age. Most of the passengers were a lot younger than her, including me, and all had their eyes on their phones. I guessed then that she doesn’t have one as her generation didn’t have the technology that we all have now. In passing, I thought, Poor grandma, she has nothing to while away time while she waits.

Eventually, our plane arrived and we boarded. The plane was full and, unfortunately for me, I got a middle seat. Who wants a middle seat on planes, anyway? Not me. I tried to bear it out as the plane started to taxi down the runway. I squeezed myself as little as possible. Providentially, the one sitting on my right was a small, old woman. It was then that I remembered her as the same lady who was sitting all alone with all her luggage around her. Well, the hand-carried ones.

On the plane, I was bored. Since I was tired, I should have taken a few winks. But the flight was short. I could always sleep at home on a welcoming bed, and not squeezed between two strangers.

On short flights, there is usually no need for all the extra entertainment and meals served on longer flights. I could read. But I had already read all the reading materials provided on the plane this morning. I was left with nothing to do but talk to my seat mates. I usually don’t talk to strangers, but there was no alternative but get bored. So I thought, why not? The person on my right was fast snoring. Grandma on my left, though, looked nervous.

I started my best imitation of a Daytime Talk Show host ala Oprah or Kris A. on grandma. Poor grandma, she didn’t know what was coming. I started off by asking her if it was her first time to fly, thinking that maybe it’d help her take her mind off of flying. She hesitantly answered me, looking at me strangely, like, maybe, thinking I’m lost. 

As I asked her question after question, like, do you have children? How many? Do you have grandchildren? Where do they live? Grandma grew more bewildered. She didn’t know how to make of me, but politely answered my questions. Before long, she got used to it that it looked like we were having a real conversation: me, asking; her, replying.

However, I soon found myself getting worried--- for real--- about her. I was worried about who will pick her up from the airport because by the time our plane would land, it would be quite dark and she lives little farther away from the city. She assured me that some relative, a son-in-law or something, would be picking her up.

Flight attendants were passing out menu cards to those who wanted to have some snacks while in flight. I was hungry so I decided to have some. I didn’t have much money as I had to be careful with every expense that I make because I wasn’t earning at that time, but I thought that it would be little to offer to pay for a little meal for my Talk Show guest. 

When I made the offer, I could see in her face that she was delightfully surprise, but I thought that since the gesture was very simple it didn’t mean much. Until we finished eating. 

The remnants of the meal were cleaned up and we were getting ready to land, and I was thinking that it wasn’t such a bad flight after all. I genuinely had a great time. I glanced at my new friend and saw her contemplating. She must have been debating in her mind whether to turn the tables on me--- ask me a question this time--- because she kept glancing at me, smiling. Curiosity won. 

Or it must be her way of saying thank you. She asked, “What’s your last name?” I told her and asked, “Why?” She answered, “I can’t recognize your name but I am wondering if you’re a political candidate in the coming elections.” I was baffled. “N-no…” I stammered in confusion. “I- I am just an ordinary person.” 

“Oh.” She looked a little bit disappointed. (Or maybe it was just my active imagination?) Then she smiled, “Because, I was thinking that, if you are, you have my vote.”

I laughed. She laughed. And we knew that totally capped an ordinary flight that turned memorable.

Most of us only see kindness as motivation behind some ulterior motives that when we see the real one, we are in disbelief. I didn’t intend to do a kindness that day, but out of boredom found a way to a more exciting moment while whiling away time. Maybe, if we are more kind intentionally, then there may not be as many bored people as there are now. And maybe, we won’t only attribute kindness to politicians.

I think it’s time to do more intentional random acts of kindness and surprise others and even ourselves. Then life will be worth enjoying. And sharing.


"Be kind to one another." (Ephesians 4:32)





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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Stay Alive


It's half past seven in the evening and the kids and I are still outside enjoying the last rays of the sun. Well, it doesn't look like it is going away any minute. Summer.

Much as I have come to adore winter with its snowy wonder, I can't help but have a tryst with summer. On the first hand, summer has been my first love.

With summer's crystalline days, trees are so green that envy must be jealous. I tend to look up more. The skies are their best of blue, even birds just have to stage their pirouettes with it as the backdrop. As I'm writing, a lone bird is showing off by sailing, cutting through the winds with his wings with the precision of a machine. But it is not a machine, for it is way too fluid. Weightless, it dips and soars.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

God Rules! (Happy birthday, Raindrops!)


And so it is that as the rain drops outside, I blog again after the longest time of not doing so. And it is because it is my little Ella's sixth birthday. She's not so little any more, yet still the sweet little one I love. But much sweeter and lovelier. So in connection to a writing project for my kids, here's one for her.



Happy birthday my little raindrops (or is it starlight?)
Whatever you want me to call you, you can always call me Mom.

I love the sound of rain on the roof, on my umbrella--- just as I love the tinkle of your laughter. Your eyes light up, your smile all turned up heralding mirth, showcasing your merry heart.

I love the smell of rain as it waters the earth and how it leaves everything crisp and clear. So are you, my dear, the moment you enter a room, your presence is so refreshing. Must be the innocence or that impish glint that is so endearing.

Rain falls softly, but it can be tough, too. And you have that soft heart that easily melts, but, my,! I do know you can be tough too! Don't I get a calloused forehead for the numerous times we butt heads? All the same, never forget I will always love you. Yes, you.

Rain is fun. It makes me dance around in circles and after, to jump like crazy in puddles. It invites me to sing so loud knowing that no one can hear me. Ah, you are more than rain. Twirling around with you has become my new hobby. So is singing in unmeasured beats, unwritten notes and just-thought-up lyrics. The only rule is to croon.

Rain fashion is cool. I love how it's roomy with groovy colors and sturdy, too. And you, rock it... even on a sunny day because you just want to wear galoshes. Isn't that cool?

I love thinking when it's raining. It's also the best time to read. Lately, we are finding ways to do that. I hope to spend more time together with you.

The day you came into my life wasn't raining, but, oh, how God had poured out His spirit on a woman with crumpled dreams before her and replaced them with His own perfect plans. That day, I knew I would never be alone no matter what or wherever I may be. I knew then that God rules--- and He rules with wisdom and grace. And you, dear, was there to show me how foolish man's schemes are.

Just as the coming of rain is a turning point to earth, so are you in mine. I love you and I will always cherish the gift that you are. You are God's and He loves you so much. I hope to show this to you everyday for as long as I live.

Rain falling. Tears (happily) streaming. Getting corny...

The End. 





Saturday, July 9, 2016

Mean (A Poem for those who don't want to be one)

Your power over me
Tramples the little dignity left.
The respect kindling,
Struggling,
Choking,
To breath.
I huff and puff to fury.
I sizzle myself to crazy.
I stew and burn myself down.
Ready to gamble
The little
Of me.
Petty is not pretty.
I'd rather be gutsy
With words---
To reflect and deflect.
Create and dream.
Laugh and learn.
Grow up. Be me.
There's more than one way
To live,
To be.
And MEAN is NOT
I wannabe.

Copyright © 2016 zernahfaith



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Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Name Game

Angelika's artwork of the backyard and the flowers.
It's early summer and beautiful meadows are everywhere with their flowers of golden yellow and blues. Even the backyard looks fantastic with these tiny flowers and when it's time to mow the lawn, it's hard to see them go. I don't even know the names of these flowers, only that they look so charming.

Well, I can't put a name on myself, either. Okay, literally, people are confused on how to call me. (Come on people, we've been on this before! See post What's My Name?) Recently, I have been called Risa, which is rice in Russian, because my name here is pronounced Z-ur-na. It is similar in sound to some kind of grain. Then there's Jorna. Never mind where that comes from.

Figuratively, however, it has only been a few years since I have come to put a name on myself. But here goes the online tests which claim that they know me just by my name or my picture. (I know almost all, if not all, know what I'm talking about here. You can't resist those online tests too! Admit it...) I had pretty amusing moments laughing at the results. Some are quite accurate, others are barely there, still others are just pure flattery or feel-good statements or downright baloney.

One of the results told me : Zernah, You are brilliant and stubborn! Another one said that I am... Brave. Fearless. Never gives up. And the word that describes me perfectly is Beautiful. Then, another said that I am Benevolent. (I wasn't certain what it means, so I googled up the word.) Here's another one, but not just one word. With a name like yours, you were meant to travel to the beat of your own drum! You have always been the type of person who likes to approach the world differently. Sometimes, it might get you into trouble, but you are always able to stay positive no matter the situation. You were born with a unique gift to share with the world and you are a bright star that will bring joy and happiness to those that surround you! Never lose sight of how special you are!

Woah! The words sound pretty good, right? (I intentionally made them bold, colorful and large so you'll color with envy or cringe in embarrassment, or roll around with hilarity, or throw up in disgust. Ha! That's a multiple choice... statement.) But how about the days when I'm not brave or beautiful or benevolent? Or when all I want is to fit in and keep any attention away from me? Does that make me less of me?

I have been called other names, too, ones that are not so wonderful, while others are downright degrading. There's 'crazy', 'stupid' and 'ugly'-- I have heard in a few different languages. Ah, even looking at these words take me down the twisted road. They are childish and often uttered with a purpose to hurt and break someone down. Let's back up.

When I mentioned above that it has only been a few years since I've come to know who I really am, I am not exaggerating. It's a hard job. Some people have left home and loved ones just to sort of "find themselves". But I didn't have to do that. Instead, God put a desire in me to know Him more and to grow in Him. He placed me in different circumstances and places--- and the result is a journey of adventure to His heart. I wouldn't exchange it for anything (even if I do whine or throw tantrums whenever things go out of hand-- my hand).

In knowing God, I began to know myself, who I really am, and what I am going to be. I know exactly where I fit in. I Have been created to do so even before the world began. I just love what the Bible says, not only about me, but all of us. (Tip: Please read the verses below slowly. Relish every word.)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 
who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 
just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, 
that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 
having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, 
according to the good pleasure of His will, 
to the praise of the glory of His grace
by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.


In Him we have redemption through His blood, 
the forgiveness of sins, 
according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us 
in all wisdom and prudence, 
having made known to us the mystery of His will, 
according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, 
that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times 
He might gather together in one all things in Christ, 
both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him
In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, 
being predestined according to the purpose of Him 
who works all things according to the counsel of His will, 
that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. 
(Ephesians 1:3-12)


I was made for His praise and be with Him.

We have myopic eyes. But it's not a surprise, considering what we often see and hear, or what we choose to watch and listen to. Often we are told that we are not good enough--- there's someone out there more beautiful with plumped up lips, sultry eyes and thinner than knife body. Or we are not smart enough, or more professional, or creative, or more put-together. So we strive and we lose ourselves, the one God has made. And since there's something missing in us, we struggle to fill it with something that gives us significance, be it possessions, profession, prestige, places (travel) or even the good things--- people (husband, family, friends, etc.). Oh, the many ways we lose ourselves!

But there is only one way to find ourselves again--- only in Him, who made us and loves us and wants to be with us. If you are in doubt, read the verses again above. (This time slower.)

In Him, I found who I am through His eyes.
I am...
His friend (John 15:14).
An heir (Galatians 4:7).
His letter (2 Corinthians 3:3).
His temple (1 Corinthians 6:19).
His servant (Acts 16:17).
Strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).
His chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
Called (Romans 1:6).
His beloved (Romans 1:7).
His child (John 1:12).
And you are too, when you give your life to Him, just as He has given His life to you.

Many people have asked me what my name means. I really don't know. It's a name given out of love. My parents decided to give both of their names to me by combining the last letters of their names: Eliezer and Myrna equals Zernah. (Isn't that sweet?) So while other children grew up with their names and their meanings, I grew up with my parents'. And with their lives. I appreciate what they had given me--- a good name.

Like the flowers, with their scientific-and-exotic-Latin-sounding names, out there glowing, I'll glow with God's light with a good name, even on days when I don't feel benevolent, beautiful, or brave. Because He takes care of it. It's His thing. A favorite quote keeps me in line whenever I forget...


"(God) has surrounded you with beauty to teach you that you are not placed on earth merely to delve for self, to dig and build, to toil and spin, but to make life bright and joyous and beautiful with the love of Christ---like the flowers, to gladden other lives by the ministry of love." (E.G. White, TMB)






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Thursday, June 30, 2016

Like Little Children

The church's backyard was turned into a small playground for three days, with excited shrieks and squeals of happy children. We just concluded a few days of Summer Bible School and every time it was time to load up the church van for the ride home, there were many reluctant feet who still wanted to jump, run and skip. I could understand. Not only did they make new friends, studied the Bible, do interesting crafts and play, but they also had fun while getting to know their Creator and His purpose for them.

Children's Day was almost a month ago. Precisely, thirty days from today, which makes it June 1st. This tells me that this piece has been in writing for that long time. Somehow, with the children being on vacation, I couldn't sit down long enough to muster some thoughts and put them down in writing. Instead, I have been busy doing a tour of the playgrounds with them, snatching their bikes from them and riding off, patching knee scrapes, and doing rounds of changing and washing of their dirty clothes.

When I was in Korea, Children's Day was on May 5th. It consisted of a lot of happy, excited children and some over-zealous parents and some who are mildly so, buying presents, the latter group only doing for the reason that they don't want their children to feel left out. Aside from that, some special activity should be in the offing--- a trip to Everland (an amusement park) or some water park. My husband and I saw ourselves as excited as the children (and broke, too) every time that day came around.

But Children's Day in Russia is quieter. Or maybe, it's just me, the foreigner. Well, I can understand the difference from both countries. It hasn't been long when people have started to see children as blessing and not as burden in this vast land. After communism fell, life was very hard. And the more children, the harder it must have been. I am a spectacle with my brood--- all four of them--- especially to old people, every time I go out.  It's almost like I committed some sin by having that many children. (Maybe my offense is flaunting. I like to show my children off. 😊) But I have since met young couples who want to have many children or who love children and want to raise them.

Children are a blessing. I have found this out long before I had my own. I worked as a missionary in Korea, and spent most of my active hours with them. At one time, I even decided (before I met my loving husband)I not to get married, but adopt a few and raise them up myself.

Well, I have long realized that children are excellent teachers. They taught me how to enjoy each moment. They made me derive so much pleasure and fun from the simplest and littlest of things. They made me laugh, get on my silly side, dream wild and free, work hard, get curious and ask questions and, well, have a life--- one that's good and rich. I'll always be grateful to God for them, whether they are mine or not.

Some time ago, people have no idea who children are. Well, we can't blame them because even with all the research and information that we have now, some people still have this archaic idea of children. They were treated like mini-adults. They work, they do almost all that adults do. Here's a fact.

"Until the 17th century in Europe, there was no concept of "childhood". Instead, children were simply thought of as miniature adults. They were assumed to be subject to the same needs and desires as adults, to have the same vices and  virtues as adults, and to warrant no more privileges than adults. They were dressed the same as adults, and their work hours were the same as adults. Children also received the same punishments for misdeeds. If they stole, they were hanged; if they did well, they could achieve prosperity, at least so far as their station in life or social class would allow. "
(Aries, 1962; Acocella, 2003; Hutton, 2004 as cited by R.S. Feldman, Development Across the Life Span, 2006).

Now, we know better. That is, if we do try to understand them. However, it is still very much common that many people don't and don't even try to. It is sad to see children being treated in an offhand manner, sometimes bordering on disrespect, like kids are just pure nuisance or like some pet dog or something. They are treated without affection or compassion, or worst, like they don't have brains. It is to these people's loss because the Son of Man who walked in our world said this of children:

And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3, NIV)

This teaching of Jesus is so against our arrogant selves, who tends to think of ourselves better than anybody, much more that of little children. We think we know better and are better.

But when Jesus' disciples, who were striving among themselves to be the greatest, asked Him, they were stumped with His answer.

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. (Matthew 18:1-5)

Evidently, Jesus already had told his adult followers that to accept and welcome children in His name is His desire for them to do. But in the next chapter, an incident happened that upset Jesus that He had to apparently rebuke them in their face.

Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:13,14)

My, how bull-headed can we get? However, even unaware, we, mostly parents, can stop our children from coming to God and from taking part in His kingdom. How?

My children enjoy the Sabbath and being in church in fellowship with other believers and learning and knowing about God, really makes the day special for them. But there was a time when I was physically, but in a huge way, spiritually apathetic in making it to church, having no desire at all to face people, and most of all, God. I was in a huff over some issues. And instead of bringing them over to God, I wanted to sulk, blaming Him for it.

But as the Sabbath drew on, I saw Angelika mark the calendar everyday, telling me after she was done of how excited she was that Sabbath was coming and that she could not wait for it to come. I felt my heart squeezed. Then, as the days wore on, I asked myself who am I to stop them from going to God?

So that Sabbath, I put on my best clothes, as my children waited for me. They usually dress themselves up all by themselves, except for the baby, and to the church we went. Later on, God talked to me through His word and I was glad I came. It is not my place, whatever is my level of relationship with God, to interfere with His relationship with them. In fact, I have a responsibility to point them to Him.

Maybe you are indifferent with religion or any spiritual matter, or just plain uninterested, but being a human being includes having a spiritual life, as well. What do think will fill that part of your kid's life if it's empty now? Children will grow without a moral compass, or simply put, without knowing what's right or wrong, nothing to guide him in his life. Yes, he may grow successful in his field or career, but may have problems with integrity, honesty or maintaining relationships for he has never learned it early in life. In fact, the world teaches the opposite-- whatever feels good, do it-- doesn't matter if you step on other people or violate God's moral law.

So, unaware, we may be leading our children off on a path that is deleterious to them. This warning of Jesus may be for us who intentionally leaves empty the spiritual vacuum in our children, and which, may be filled up with who-knows-what.

"Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:6)

He adds further...

"Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." (Matthew 18:14)

Let us not treat our children with contempt by neglecting that space that God made for Him alone. As He has said, the kingdom of heaven is for them and for people like them.

As for us, we have plenty to learn from these little children. So, what is it like to be like them?


Here are some of their admirable traits:

  • Their brutal honesty. As a woman (and a mom), I can always depend on my children to tell me the truth whether I look good on something or I'm getting fat. Haha. They tell me as is.
  • Their simple, unaffected faith. Ah, this is what Jesus was talking about when He said we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven unless we become like children. Children's faith is not complicated with a lot of theories and philosophies, but no-fuss and a wholly devoted one.
  • Their carefree, positive attitude. Last sabbath, our pastor at our local church talked about the little boy who shared his lunch with Jesus and witnessed a miracle, which more than 5,000 people was fed (John 6). I was caught by what he said when he pointed out that there may be other people who brought their lunch, but instead of sharing they were stopped by the impossibility of sharing their little lunch with another and much more with so many hungry people around. The disciples alone were very worried. Who could ever imagine that the whole crowd would be fed? That's the difference between adults and children. We worry too much, but they move even with the little that they have. My children have solutions to dilemmas that may be too simplistic, but because they believe it's possible, then it becomes possible. Perhaps, even the boy didn't imagine feeding such a crowd, but initially just wanted to share it with Jesus, who unselfishly shared His time and affection with them. And we know the rest of the story. From the little boy's lunch of two fish and fives loaves of bread a big crowd ate and there were even leftovers. And this also teaches me that God moves the whole universe to aid us when we wholly commit to move, especially to bless others.
  • Their affectionate nature. Having four children, I never go in a day without hugs and kisses and i-love-you's. My children make sure of that. Children thrive on love and love to love and are not afraid to show it. The world would be a better place if we cultivate warmth and affection... and be brave to show it. No one would go around lonely and without love. God commands us to love each other, be kind and tenderhearted. I often go easy on one of my kids who commits an offense, because the others often plead with me not to be harsh and punitive. Children hate seeing someone suffer. But they brighten up and blossom in an environment of love, even if it's just a group hug.
  • Their humility. Should I say more? They take orders, they follow often without complaints and they obey.
Cultivating these traits is not easy when we have grown to a world that teaches us differently. Yet, look at Jesus as He sets a child in our midst and hear Him say, "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3).

With heaven's help, we can do it.





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Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Embracing God's Promises

The lilac trees are teeming with the fragrant blooms. (I still have to get a photo of them.) Weeds are growing profusely together with the fair wild flowers. And there's no stopping them. I have spent mornings trying to stop their progress from surrounding the house and making it a den of crawly bugs, and that thought has helped me get the kids to help me out on this mission. They hate the idea of the creepies invading their rooms.

Once, these flowers and all the verdant trees were just promises of a brighter, more colorful season. Now, they are here for my eyes to feast on and my soul to rejoice in God's steadfast creative work in our yet sin-filled world, but which reveals His kingdom to those who have the eyes to see and the 'ears to hear'.

Friday, June 10, 2016

God's Impeccable Timing (Happy Birthday, Snowflake!)

My baby is two! This year, I have a goal to write to all my children, with the first written to Angelika three years ago. Yeah, the simplest writing project I could think up. So this blog post is for Roxana, born June 10.

I call her my Snowflake, as she came during a wintry-like season in my journey on this road home. Besides that, she is also very pure in her expressions and reactions and is a real delight to be with. I am more than blessed to be her mother.


Happy Birthday, Snowflake!



Saturday, May 21, 2016

My Story in a Nutshell: Celebrating Years of God's Goodness and Mercy

I just had my birthday and wanted to make a timeline of my existence. But while I was procrastinating, I remembered Nora Ephron's essay 'The Story of My Life in 3,500 Words or Less' and thought, I could do that. But my, it was harder than just simply free-writing everything, which, by the way, already had ten pages in just a few sittings in two days. (I only get to sit for five or fifteen minutes because I either remember to do a chore or one of the kids is desperately calling me to give her breakfast in the kitchen or a new roll of tissue in the bathroom.) Well, here's the result.


Wayfaring

I am five and playing with some neighborhood kids. While climbing trees, we talk. They are baffled. My siblings and I speak a different dialect than they do. They ask what we are speaking. I pretend I am speaking something universal--- Tagalog. I am thinking everybody speaks it. Their eyes open wide in awe. I realize languages are awesome. I am on an adventure.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

On Over-Grown Hair, Growing Old and Living Forward

It's spring, it's raining, the greens are growing and I feel brand new. Well, my hair is. I chopped them off.

I had grown tired of my long, wavy mane after I had to fight with it every time I take a bath. It clutched and it clung at me like sea anemones. Also, the baby often tugs at the little that is left of it when she feels like riding a horsey. Most of my hair is in a habit of doing a free-fall. It is everywhere. I got so tired of it one evening that I took one of the kids' scissors and cut it myself.

But this kind of thing called hair just keeps growing if you happen to notice at all. Mine did and by the time I grew so frustrated, it had grown again resembling the appearance of a broom, but bushier and gristly. So they had to go.

I went to a hair shop. Or so it said in Russian in front of the place. But after a few weird stares of the people who were there as I walked around trying to find the one who mans the counter, I figured out that it was a man's world. A barbershop. Feeling like the village idiot, I exited.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Beyond the Storm: Peace


I am a mere mortal. I have a faulty understanding of how the Divine works. But it hasn't stopped me from trying.

Today is my mother's birthday if she were alive. My Ma--- loving, strong and tender. No one has seen her since that fateful night of November 8. She has disappeared in the storm together with my dear father. And, oh, how I've missed her.

There are times when I wonder what she would say to the things that are happening in my life-- celebratory or otherwise. She had been a bulwark in our home. She was courageous: taking on the journey God has set for her even if it meant giving up many of the things that could have been better in the world's eyes. She had always been excited for all of her children and it didn't matter for her whether we made it in the world because she knew each of us has a special path to take.

It has been hard accepting that she is gone. But God has not left me destitute.


The Sky and the Sea


The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.
Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge.
(Psalm 19:1,2)

A few days ago, my family went on a hunting/fishing trip and made camp for a couple of nights by the seashore. As we witness the sun rise and set at such a breathtaking fashion, we didn't want to go back home even if it meant a nice, warm bath and comfortable beds. The children and I combed every inch of the beach. By afternoon of the first day, the baby was taking her own looooooong walks and I had to use Herculean tactics and effort to get her back to our camp site. The only indication of tiredness she showed were pretty nasty snoring by the time we slept before midnight. The children didn't want the days and the nights to end and mealtimes were fast, unlike at home when they could drag on for hours.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

It's More Than Just Laundry!

I watch the growing mounds of laundry with dismay. They seem to have a life of their own! They turn right before my eyes from molehills into mountains. And when the task is great, the heart grows faint.

I want to turn around and run. This is a combat zone! But where? It's a couple of hours before midnight. Maybe I can just simply roll and... snooze off, hoping that by the time I wake up, the good Lord has turned all things new... or sorted out, ironed and folded. Ha!

So I go to the other part of the house where I usually feel welcome. Maybe a cup of tea and some cookies (and a teeny bit of chocolate) can relax my nerves, enough to get the job done.

To the kitchen I go. And I get more mortified. Right there on the sink is a towering giant made of dishes, pots and all sorts of oddballs one can usually find in the kitchen. They have piled up on top of each other, and those who have not been able to get to the pile are piteously crawling their way around making more mess to make up for their lost status in the kitchen kingdom.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The Beauty in Everyday

All in a mom's day.! Baby prettying up herself with a dress
and kid's toothpaste as 'face cream'
It's a dreary day today. Wet snow is falling and has blanketed the ground again. The sky is abundant with the fragrance of heavy clouds. Light comes early. We are moving from winter to spring. The time has been moved as the days are longer and the night shorter.

This is a day you want to stay home and stay under the duvet. And cuddle. Or read.

But I've got work to do. There's the baby to fed, the laundry to load, the dishes to wash, the meals to cook, the floor to vacuum as the wet snow turns the ground to mush and mud dried up is a daily visitor in the house.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Seize the Day!

source
As I'm typing this off on my phone (and later on the computer), the sunlight is streaming through the windows. The sky... My! It's drawing pictures. Running horses there, a misty mountain here. Beautiful. It is much like the day I intentionally claimed and became one of my beautiful days--- vibrant, dreamy and raw.

Spring is coming. I can almost smell it. And it fills me with hope. And so much love.

It started off as just a day I claimed was for me. One that involves going far from all that distracts me from having a much-needed time with myself, like my highly affectionate kids and husband, and the technology I seem to struggle with finding balance. I have to simply be alone--- just me and my God. The objective was just to go out and see the world with eyes of hope. And love.

I have developed in-grown eyeballs. This is a common malady for many women. It is hard to see life and the beauty in it when one's sight are often directed inwards. It is a surefire way to be miserable. I need to see life.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

3 Things I Love About Being a Woman

Ended up a wonderful day with this photo, then I got a flower. :)
March 8. It's a national holiday here in Russia, celebrating women and all that they stand for, of course, that includes their contributions and achievements, but mainly on just simply being who they are. I come from a place that has high regard for women, but having a day set aside just to honor and recognize them would have been really wonderful. Being in Russia, though, I am privileged to be included in the celebration. (My dear husband makes sure of it and tells me a few days before the date to claim it for myself. I'll show you what I did today on my next blog.)

Because of this Women's Day, I got spoiled with chocolates, flowers, cards and special presents from my family and friends. I even got a virtual greeting from Mr. Putin, passed on to me by a friend. (I feel like I should put a smiley here.)

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Falling Snow: A Poem about Coming Back to Life

My family and I live in Russia where there is no shortage of snow. Today, I am especially filled with delight as my world was filled with the wonder of it (and yes, as my work was cancelled for the afternoon).

You may have noticed my listless writing for the past months, though, try as I might to move past it. I was "out of synch" with life. I'm not going to apologize for it. As I live, so do I write. And as I write, so does my life come alive before my eyes. Yes, many times these are not comfortable feelings but they are emotional facts that needs some breathing space, just like a roomful of toxic smoke that needs to be aired.

Thankfully, slowly, I am once again seeing the broader canvas of my life, and not just the dark, gloomy alleys of it. Thank God, He is merciful! He is rich in goodness and love.

A few days ago, I got myself a cut on one of my hands. The sudden pain and seeing the blood bolted me into the reality that I am still alive. And that I should, MUST, be grateful for this life. As I clear away the shards that cut me, I am struck by the realization that so must I clear away the breakage in my life before I can go forward again. I have to distance myself from what is hurting me, before coming back into whole again.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

My Kind of Love Songs

Happy Valentine's Day!
It's Valentines. And it has been snowing all day outside. It's beautiful.

Inside, though, someone is working in the bathroom downstairs installing a new bath after the shower stall broke. The smell and noise is not relaxing, but thankfully, it's not intruding either. So while that is going on, I am chillin' around at home with a different kind of love song. I mean, love songs. Different in a sense that you usually don't get to hear them being played on the radio with the popular ones, y'know, the ones that kids ask premature questions about and has more sounds than real words. (Y'know, what I mean? :D)

I just realized that I'm a helpless romantic after all these years of being married and having all these angels climbing on me, and having family dates. Valentines day is not that important here in Russia, so my husband and I have gone without it for years already. Still, I am all for love. And everyday, I am being reminded how I am loved and how wonderful it is to love. It just makes my day.

Here's my playlist (in no particular order).

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Rest: Jesus' Secret to a Well-Balanced Life

Source
Most days I run around the house trying to get things done before going to work or before going to bed at midnight. These 'must do' tasks sometimes just bobs up in the surface like a hard to clean pan that I must scrub bright or a cleaning supervisor will suddenly appear over my shoulder and "Tsk tsk" me for a job not done well. I have gotten to the point where I am confused which things I really should do.

Then I got sick. And gone is the strength that powered me as I zoomed my way through the hours of the day (and night). I was left with mounds of dirty laundry and ironing that I did anyway even though I didn't want to, and meals to cook even when I didn't want to eat. All I wanted was to disappear between the blankets, soothe my pounding head with the calming sound of my throaty, labored breathing.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Mount Up with Wings: Flying by More Than Just the Seat of the Pants

And so... it has been a week since the old year has been gone and the new year has begun. I am glad and grateful to see another year in my life. God is good!

How are you doing with your resolutions so far? As with every new year, I am often pressed to make new year's resolutions but it has been years since I had given up making a go at it. Instead I have brought before God in prayers my goals and dreams, and the intentions in my heart to live rightly, hoping fervently that He guides me every step of the way to fulfill them.

However, the past years had come with lots of surprises, pretty unexpected ones at that, and I was often left trying to swim through or wing it out by the seat of my pants (Ouch! Sounds painful). So, to counteract all this uncertain happenings, I am going to have a goal to make a goal. (So far, this week has given me  a bit of momentum. I have a list! Yay! :D)

And here's what I have in mind...

Who is the Best Kid?

Finally, it's September 1st, the Day of Knowledge (as it is called here in Russia)! School starts officially today. But it falls on a ...