Freedom and What to Do to Redeem Moments Lost in Anger

Russian meadows. Wide, open spaces to fly, to roam...

Raining again! Not much, but consistent. The whole day had been misty, though surprisingly, not dreary. There's something refreshing about rain after a couple of days of pure sunshine and clear, cloudless skies. In fact, it's balmy and soothing. It calms my spirit, inviting me to sit down from all the constant activity and whirling. I feel so relaxed, but not sleepy. Just that--- happy-calm.

Two days ago on June 12th, this is what I wrote...

The skies have cleared up! It is all clean and blue with no cloud in sight. Bright and warm and summery. I can see beach in my mind, complete with a beach umbrella as I stay in one place helping the kids take off one set of clothes into another, and wet clothes into dry ones, and then, again... and again. I can see melting ice cream in kids' hands... and smell salty air and the feel of grainy sand under my bottom. I can hear the kids' shrieks as the waves take up on their challenge to get them wet. This makes me smile.

This is such good news after a wearisome series of rain, when we had to stay home and huddle against the harsh and unrelenting wind.

So right away, we made the most of the day by going out and celebrate with the people of Russia for Russia Day. There was a military band performing, which we missed. But we had fun with what they left behind--- military stuff. We also looked at antique cars--- so stylish that I wish I know how to drive. In another part of the city, there were fire trucks and other utility trucks lined up for people to enjoy and kids to clamber around. I felt the pride and joy of the Russian people--- the freedom that I know was not given to them for free but were protected by the very lives of their forefathers, and the efforts that the people of this age are doing to make everyone's lives better.

And as I look on and celebrate, down in my heart I celebrate as a Filipino, as my country, despite of evil men who are trying to destroy it, see another day to celebrate Philippine Independence Day with freedom, and pride at the courage given and displayed through the lives of men and women who love the country--- then and now. There is nothing more I wish for my beloved Philippines but true independence and freedom to live their God-given lives. 

In fact, this is what I wish for everyone living in this planet Earth.

But as most of us know, freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. And there is nothing truer to this than when Jesus gave up His life to set us free from a life of sin and eventual death. He paid the price for our freedom. And for this, we have a responsibility to stay free. And He alone can do this for us when we give our lives back to Him. "Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36).

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; 

therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

(Galatians 5:1)

* * * * *

Let me type again normally... I have left off on my last blogpost on the subject of parents losing their cool during moments of conflict and have even thought up some measures against totally blowing off. 

But what if we've blown it? Is there anything we can do? Because I sometimes do, try as I might, like the last scene with my daughter, Angelika. 

In moments like these, a mother can...

1. Forgive. Extend grace to the kids and to yourself. Oftentimes, it's harder for me to forgive myself. That's why a mother should stop beating herself up (mentally) and instead pray to redeem the lost moment. Repent. There's no forgiveness when there's no repentance. Then move on to asking God to help you on how to redeem the moment. In Scripture, all correction is redemptive by design--- whether to correct the child or the parent. Nothing is lost on God.

2. Say "Sorry" (and mean it!). Growing up, I've never heard my father apologize to us, his children. And I understand. Because in my parents' time, apologizing was thought up as a way of buckling down under your children and was seen as a quick way to lose their respect. However, being honest to our children shows them that we, parents, are humans and are flawed. Just like them, we make mistakes. In apologizing, we model how we, as humans, may fall several times, but by God's grace can rise up again.

So say it. Ask your kids for forgiveness. Take responsibility for your behavior, that they may also learn to take responsibility with theirs.

3. Tell and Show them you love them. After a tough moment of conflict, a child is emotionally beaten up and scarred. Start the healing right away with words that will remind your child of your love--- unconditionally. This will affirm her worth, because for a child, what matters most is what you think of her. Show affection. Hug. Physical touch zaps our brain into a loving mood, which is necessary after moments of anger.

4. Pray together.  Even when I'm still blowing steam and I can't seem to stop, even as the Holy Spirit is prompting me to, I usually would gather my child or kids together in a hug to pray my emotions out with me. They, in turn, would pray and see God's redeeming way.

In her book Child Guidance, Ellen White talked about the importance of prayer in a moment of crisis, "Reveal the love you have for your erring one. As you bow before God with your child, you will present before the sympathizing Redeemer His own words, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not; for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14). That prayer will bring angels to your side. Your child will not forget these experiences, and the blessing of God will rest upon such instruction, leading him to Christ. When children realize that their parents are trying to help them, they will bend their energies in the right direction" (CG, 253).

* * * * *

We are free. We are redeemed. There is no better way to be than to live this powerful truth as God's children and as parents to His little ones.

Alas! We live in an imperfect and sinful body. However, God has provided a way out through His Son. Let's take hold of His hand to give us strength over our weak selves and give us patience. Those who depend on Him  will "go from strength to strength" (Psalm 84:7).  

"Let (all) be taught that every mistake, every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a steppingstone to better and higher things. It is through such experiences that all who have ever made life worth the living have achieved success" (E. White, Education, 295, 296).

And yes, only through Him. It won't be long when we get to sing "Worthy is the Lamb!", to the One who conquers for us.

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Warm Thoughts On a Frosty Night

Our yule tree is still up but there are more pine needles and christmas balls on the floor than there are on the tree. Little Roxy has been busy shaking the tree and "trading" balls around with her older sisters. She thinks they should be carried around hanging from the fingers, like a vendor would when selling ready-to-eat rice wrapped in niyog (coconut) leaves. These vendors are usually found in the Philippines in places where people are on the move, usually get hungry and  have no time to spare for cooking, like bus terminals or stopovers.

There's a snowstorm brewing right now. Our second to be blessed with for this winter. Snow has been scarce and so it's welcome. The brick fence with all the snow that settled on it looks so dreamy. Every time I see fresh snow, this comes to mind:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

The scene outside is like that of angels plucking feathers from each others' wings and flinging them all around in happy abandon. Maybe they're having a pillow fight with the pillows of clouds bursting white snow. So much activity going on outside, pretty much unlike the scene inside, well, without the children. In a weather like this, I don't need much, just some hot tea, a heated floor, family around, a book, my notebook and pen, and a warm blankie. And yes, my necessary zumba on some mornings to get the stiff out of my creaky bones.

Wellspring of Life

The temperature continues to fall as we draw closer to the heart of winter. And as it does, life throbs on unperturbed at its harshness and chill. Some may wonder how one stays cheery, much more passionate at the constant onslaught of coldness and terribly inhumane treatment. But there's something I want to tell you today.

The wellspring of life--- the heart--- stays warm as you guard and care for it.

Today has been an interesting day for me, not because of some big event or happening, but because of the bits and pieces that make up life. I had a conversation with my teen friends about the new year, growing old and something about fellowship/friendship/relationship. Here's what happened after they filed into the classroom bringing with them the mud from the melting snow. (We laughed as we saw how the floor was turned into something resembling that of a rice paddy with the amount of mud the teens' boots brought in.)

"So, are you, guys, looking forward to the new year?" I asked, thinking that everybody must be as excited as I am at the thought of the coming new year. I didn't expect the reply.

"No."

"No?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "Why?" I wanted to know what was so terrible about the coming year that my teen friends are not so happy about it. More difficult schoolwork? Loads more homework? A national exam to face? What? The response stumped me further.

The Basic Essential

We have been enjoying a lot of snow since last week and much lower temperatures, too. When one goes outside, furry boots and coats are moving about, but those are actually ladies bundled inside, looking like elegant snow bunnies--- and me, a cute grizzly bear. Haha. Kids get their snowsuits as everyone know that they can't help themselves from rolling about in the snow. And the men? They have their thickly padded jackets that they all look like Iron Man, all muscles with their potbellies or bony frames hidden.

But underneath all these wrappings and trappings are flesh and bone beings, who get hungry and thirsty, need sleep and laughter, who long to love and be loved.

When all the big houses are gone and great accomplishments, and money too, all that's really left is the sky, soil and you. And people, who are no different than you... in the same form as when we first came forth.

Embracing God's Promises

The lilac trees are teeming with the fragrant blooms. (I still have to get a photo of them.) Weeds are growing profusely together with the fair wild flowers. And there's no stopping them. I have spent mornings trying to stop their progress from surrounding the house and making it a den of crawly bugs, and that thought has helped me get the kids to help me out on this mission. They hate the idea of the creepies invading their rooms.

Once, these flowers and all the verdant trees were just promises of a brighter, more colorful season. Now, they are here for my eyes to feast on and my soul to rejoice in God's steadfast creative work in our yet sin-filled world, but which reveals His kingdom to those who have the eyes to see and the 'ears to hear'.

The Beauty in Everyday

All in a mom's day.! Baby prettying up herself with a dress
and kid's toothpaste as 'face cream'

It's a dreary day today. Wet snow is falling and has blanketed the ground again. The sky is abundant with the fragrance of heavy clouds. Light comes early. We are moving from winter to spring. The time has been moved as the days are longer and the night shorter.

This is a day you want to stay home and stay under the duvet. And cuddle. Or read.

But I've got work to do. There's the baby to fed, the laundry to load, the dishes to wash, the meals to cook, the floor to vacuum as the wet snow turns the ground to mush and mud dried up is a daily visitor in the house.

Seize the Day!

source

As I'm typing this off on my phone (and later on the computer), the sunlight is streaming through the windows. The sky... My! It's drawing pictures. Running horses there, a misty mountain here. Beautiful. It is much like the day I intentionally claimed and became one of my beautiful days--- vibrant, dreamy and raw.

Spring is coming. I can almost smell it. And it fills me with hope. And so much love.

It started off as just a day I claimed was for me. One that involves going far from all that distracts me from having a much-needed time with myself, like my highly affectionate kids and husband, and the technology I seem to struggle with finding balance. I have to simply be alone--- just me and my God. The objective was just to go out and see the world with eyes of hope. And love.

I have developed in-grown eyeballs. This is a common malady for many women. It is hard to see life and the beauty in it when one's sight are often directed inwards. It is a surefire way to be miserable. I need to see life.

Planting Seeds of Responsibility

I went through my usual routine-- saw my husband and preschooler off for the day, had a short worship with my two older children who were staying at home because of school vacation, made breakfast, fed the baby while the two kids ate, had my quick breakfast and got on with the chores. Before loading the laundry in the washing machine, I checked the girls' rooms to make sure there were no stray socks lying around.

I noticed right away Angelika's neatly made bed. She was assigned of making her own bed since age five and even before that, but it has only been recently that she has taken it to heart. It is like the task has become her crowning glory. Her bed looked fit for a princess. I felt pride for my daughter. There has been no need of telling her to do the job.

Russian Mis-Adventures

Dancing barefoot in a patch of grass in the middle of the city...

I have been told several times that I must be brave for coming to a place without any knowledge about the language people speak.

I don't think I'm brave. Just plain adventurous. And... not so wise for being unprepared.

Being unprepared has set me up to plenty of mishaps.

I also must be a little crazy to do this to myself. But then, hey, it's fun after the stress is gone.

Nora Ephron wrote in her witty, funny book I Feel Bad About My Neck, "When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh." So today I want to have a laugh. It's okay, you can laugh at me as I laugh at myself.

Here are some of my 'misadventures' as I foray into the Russian language.

Eggs

One afternoon, I opened the refrigerator door to see what I could whip up for dinner. I had an idea of what I wanted but it would need some eggs. Looking at the empty egg rack, I surmised that I had to run to the store fast before my people starts coming through the door or the baby wakes up making it harder for me to prepare dinner. Obviously, laying an egg is not one of my abilities.

I hurried out of the door, semi-running my way to the nearest grocer in our area. The shop was just a small store and only has one shopkeeper. Some things are kept out of the display area because of lack of space so customers most often need the shopkeeper's help to get what they wanted.

While walking, I realized that I might need to speak in Russian for that reason in order for me to get my eggs. I stopped in my tracks. Oh boy! I didn't know what the word 'egg' is in Russian!

I was thinking at that time whether to go back and look up the word from my Russian book or my phone, which I left behind in my hurry. I decided not to go back as time wouldn't allow it. So I just proceeded to the store.

When I got there, there was only one customer. Good, I didn't want a crowd to witness my embarrassment. I looked around hoping I'd spot eggs so I could only point and not speak. The shop was overflowing with goods and goodies. Even the counter where the cash register was, was all laden up with just about anything people need and want. But I didn't see any eggs on display.

The lady behind the counter asked me what I wanted. I said,

"Eggs."

She looked bewildered. Again I said,

"Eggs." But this time I curled my fingers forming a circle, as if I was holding an egg. (I was a poor student in sign language classes. I never learned anything.)

At that the lady understood that I was speaking a foreign language and told me that she could not understand what I was saying.

I said, "Eggs." Again. I made the round sign with my hand, and flapped my elbows. Too bad I didn't say, "Cluck cluck."

Light dawned in her eyes. I was relieved. I thought, That wasn't so bad.

Then she directed me to a freezer. Oh boy. I don't think eggs are kept in the freezer.

They're not. But chicken wings are.

I told the lady, "Nyet", and said again, "Egg", rounded my hand, flapped my elbows, and was about to turn my back to her and squat to show her the way hens lay eggs, when she said, "Ah! Yaitso!"

I whipped around to see her marching with a smile to the back of the store. For a few minutes I waited, knowing this time that I would get my eggs, even if I still had no idea what she said.

She came out with a bag filled with those round things. She hurriedly rang up the cash register, I paid and made my exit. I went home and tried to remember what 'egg' was in Russian, but only after I told my family and we all had fun laughing at me that they made sure I would never forget the word-- Yaitso! (I'm not clearly good with learning foreign languages either.)

And that, is how I learn my Russian as a foreign language. One Russian word at a time. Golden!

Come here and take this!

Then there was the time I told the bus driver while he was driving to 'come here!'

I was going home from work. It was past eight o'clock in the evening and it was chilly. I got in the first bus that would go pass my home.

I was feeling good with the warmth inside the bus. I watched as people get on and off it. While doing that, I tried to remember what I had to say when it would be approaching my bus stop so I won't have to miss it.

As the bus got closer to my destination, I got my fare ready. I stood up and handed my fare to the driver. I tried to say, "Here's my fare. Please take it." But instead I said something in Russian that means "Come here".

The driver ignored me. I tried extending my hand again and said, "Come here." For added measure or politeness, I said, "Please." I don't know if people were looking at me. They don't have to for me to feel really self-conscious and awkward at this time. I tried again. "Here. Come here."

Well, I'm glad to say that when I was getting off the bus others were too and they told the bus driver to stop the bus so I didn't need to speak anything in Russian. I don't think I would have been confident enough to speak anything, much more something Russian.

I paid my fare when others did. I couldn't get off the bus fast enough.

When I got home, I asked my son what the phrase "Please, take this" in Russian is, and found out my mistake. Instead of saying take this, I was asking the driver to come here! I am so glad he ignored me or we would have a problem getting anywhere!

Washing dishes is no chore when my boy does it. :)

Not so superhero

And... what does one do during emergencies when she does not know the language of the people? Use the internet.

One spring morning, while everybody was at work and I was home with a toddler getting ready for a walk with her to a nearby stream, I heard a strange sound so loud that I thought it must be something bursting in fire. I ran to the kitchen only to find, not fire, but water. It was flowing out from under the sink. I opened the door to the shelf under the sink and saw the source of the water. The pipes have burst. And those pipes were built inside the walls. I looked for an opening on the wall and found one. It was covered by a temporary covering. I tore it and I saw water bursting with so much force from a big pipe. I scrambled around for a towel to put inside the hole but the water was just too strong.

In minutes the kitchen floor was covered up with an inch of water and it was slowly seeping to the next rooms. I couldn't call my husband as he was away on a trip, so I called my mother in law. She was at work and cannot speak English.  I tried to explain to her the situation in my limited Russian. Vada. Ochen mnoga.

Thankfully, she understood me. She right away got on a taxi. In the mean time, I tried to wring the water out with a towel through the sink, then bail it out with a pail. When it was impossible, I tried to salvage some things from getting wet and damaged. Then I thought about asking help from the neighbors. Maybe one of them knows how to switch off the main control to the water.

I ran to my phone, googled 'help' in Russian and got 'pomoch'. So I told my little girl to wait by the door, as I hurried to our neighbor's apartment. I knocked on their door and called, "Pomoch! Pomoch!" Nobody opened it. I called and knocked again. Nothing.

So I ran to another door, knocked, yelled, "Pomoch! Pamoch!" No one came out.

I was going to run up to the next floor to do the same, but decided against it because my toddler was already scared and I couldn't leave her in the house with all those water flowing out. I had to do something about it. Obviously, nobody was home in any of these flats or they were and didn't want to respond.

Who could blame them? Some hero gone lunatic was running around, shouting if people need her help! Yes, I found out later that I wasn't asking for help but offering people help. The right word to say when asking for help is not pomoch but pomagite.

Anyway, the water problem got solved when a plumber came to fix the pipes up, and the water got cleaned up. But as a beginner of the Russian language, this experience (of learning how to ask for help and offer help) has helped me in many instances--- at the supermarket, at the park when I'm overloaded with the baby, the baby bag and the kids want me to get them some ice cream, counting out coins, and when the baby pram acts up.

Choose JOY

All of these 'adventures' weren't so funny at the moment they happened (although being me I could laugh myself out of an awkward situation), but now make my days whenever I remember them. All of these are reflections of God's wonderful sense of humor. All of these happened in a stressful time and all of these provided me many wonderful moments of mirth.

God said, "A happy heart is like a good medicine. But a broken spirit drains your strength" (Proverbs 17:22, NCV).

The recent days has seen my newsfeed flooded with disturbing and distressing news from around the world and even from friends. It would just be natural for me to allow myself to muddle around and be down on the dumps. However, I choose JOY. It is my intention to live happy and free, and to remember to laugh. Because those who forget to laugh, forget how to live and how to love.

We need to create an environment of joy. With such an environment, the bond of love is easy to find. This is where we thrive and not merely survive, truly live and not barely breathe.

When we laugh, we take in big gulps of life-giving air and give the sweetest music to the ear--- full of life and passion.

Laughing at ourselves elevates us from being victims. We take back control of an out-of-control situation. We become heroes.

Someone once said, "Happy is the woman who can laugh at herself, she will never cease to be amused."

Grab the opportunity to laugh today. It's God's weapon against worry, stress and fear. You can share with us some of your own 'adventures' in life by commenting below. (And thanks, someone might be needing a laugh today... and my 'adventures' may not be funny enough. Haha.)

As for me, my Russian misadventures would probably go on as I continue to learn the language. There's no giving up when one is having so much fun. And nothing beats fun. So, I'm still on board.





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On Winter, Fishing and Life

Ella on the ice. Fishing!

So we went ice fishing a few Sundays ago. The whole family did. This is not a first for many in our family, except for me and the baby. (Yes, the baby went ice fishing too. And yes, all of my children had experienced getting fish from their previous fishing trips. Except for me and the baby.) So this was somehow our initiation into winter fishing. Fishing on ice is very new to me.

My son asked me tonight, "Mom, did you eat snow when you were little?" They've been told not to eat snow and, trying to be honest, they just mentioned over dinner that they've eaten a little bit of it. What child can resist white, resplendent, cold snow? To my son's question, I  replied that I haven't even seen snow until I was 23 years old.

Makeover

Ohoo! I have curly hair. Yes, I just had a makeover.

Any woman won't probably say 'no' to a free makeover. That's why makeover shows are very popular. Who would not wish to be transformed to the best version of themselves?

Thus, when my husband suggested that I should have a makeover, even feeling slightly insulted (husbands are supposed to love their wives even for worse, read: wrinkles, fat rolls and under-eye circles. Ho! They rhyme!), I didn't decline outright.

Being in Russia and surrounded by beautiful women, I felt I needed it. Though I'm really wondering what could be done with falling hair (an after-giving-birth and nursing-a-baby phenomenon), sagging breasts and loose skin.

At any day, however, I can pass for a  sixteen year old (I'm short), that is, if you won't look too closely. Then you may catch a glimpse of a line or two on the forehead or a downy shadow of a mustache. 

Getting a Sense of Direction

source

I have been wandering in this world for a long time (makes me sound ancient, complete with a long, gray beard and a distinct 'old age' odor. Haha!). This week has seen me celebrate my 37th year, with a cake and some ice cream. I know I will continue to journey on wherever God leads. But as of now, I have been given respite from my wandering until year 2016. It is because, finally, after so much uncertainties, setbacks, packing and unpacking, midnight flights, and scurrying from one important office to another, I have been granted residency in Russia for a few years. Isn't that great? I will be with my family! It all came about the day before my birthday. What a gift, huh?

We didn't celebrate my birthday grandly but having the whole family with me and the knowledge that I have been given the privilege to stay with my family was a great, grand celebration in my heart. Nothing can top that as a present, as a reason for rejoicing on my 37th year of existence. God has fulfilled His promises to me and I can see that we have more celebrating to do in this journey of life that we are doing together.

Thus, when God woke me on my birthday early enough to have time to listen and learn from Him, I only had one prayer to say to Him. I didn't tell Him about my wishes for a house that we can turn into a home, for a happy united family, for the new baby and her soon coming birth, for opportunities to work for Him, for a loving heart to love as He does, though I so wish I have all that. But foremost in my heart and mind was a prayer for His leading, His direction in my life. For you see, I have had problems with direction.

On Burned Soup

My daughter was hungry. She was cranky and in desperate need of her midday nap. So I heated the soup for her lunch. While it was doing so, a thought came to my head that oh-so-desperately needed to find expression!

I ran to the computer, scrambled around for the keyboard and mouse, and started typing. While I was still forming the thought into words, my daughter tried to get my attention, whining about something that I cannot remember now. What I do remember is, the smell of smoke. I wrinkled my nose, and was disgusted at the neighbors for not keeping their cigarette smoke to themselves. All the while, I told my little girl to stop whining and just wait patiently for lunch, while I tried to desperately compose and type my thoughts into the computer. 

Then it hit me. I have left a pot of soup on the burner!

Walking with the Ultimate Parent

I love walking. It's one of my happy things to do. And I like that walking is often the most used metaphor of life.

Today, I went walking with my three year old daughter. We went to the city park, which is just a few minutes walk from where we live.

We followed a less trodden dirt path with no idea where it was leading. The ground was a bit mushy from yesterday's rain, but we continued on that path for I know it'd do us some good to go on some tiny bit of adventure even if it's just in walking. So it was with much excitement that I welcomed the idea of going into a forest when we entered some sort of wooded area. It was dark and the scent of musk permeates the air. As we walked under the trees, I barely noticed the muddy ground where we were walking and my now-very-dirty sneakers. I had my senses on the green, lofty, sun-dappled trees swaying in the breeze. I could even see glistening cystal-like dewdrops on some of the leaves. It was so enchanting and I was highly fascinated. I couldn't keep my eyes off from what was around me.

Get Understanding

On the go... to get some education. :D

Been quite awhile since my last post. Well, I did say August was a busy month in my other post.

I have been busy getting back here in Russia. Yes, I'm back.  So... Zdrasti!

There was a time when I believed that to give my children the best education, I had to home school them. And I did. But our circumstances threw my best intentions helter-skelter. That was when I asked, "Lord, what do you want to do for my children?" I know my plans and my intentions for my children are good, but I have come to realize that God's plans for them are the best. To harshly impose what I want may bring out good outcomes, but then, there won't be enough space for the Holy Spirit to move in their lives that the best of what God has for them may never happen.

When Fire Makes Steel

I don't enjoy uncertainty. And I sure don't invite adversity. For one, they make my heart thump faster, my chest tighter, my breathing quicker and my stomach all churnish with just a single thought of them. Just too much stress. Gets me all depressed.

It's almost a year now since we have moved from the country where we had our first rented homes. Yet, we are still faced with the uncertainty of where our family's home really is and of what to do. Until now we are caught between Russia and the Philippines. One child goes to school in Russia, the other one in the Philippines, and the youngest is simply flying from one country to the other as she's still too young to go to school.

For certain, uncertainty is part of life.

To Drink or Not to Drink

"Sorry, I don't drink." 

I'm not sure how many times I had to say that line in just one evening. It was the night my husband introduced me to his friends. And for the most part, socializing usually involves a little bit of drinking or eating while talking. It would be too awkward when the talking gets a little too slow and one is left with just twiddling thumbs or gulping air.

Speak Love

Hello! Prevyet! Anyeong! Maayo! Maupay! Mabuhay! 
Languages are fascinating. Learning them may be daunting, but after some time and lots of effort, speaking them can be truly empowering and liberating. Not that I know a lot. 

My family has to learn a few important languages, though, which I hope will increase in number as they grow up and help their world get bigger. Because I believe learning to speak other languages not only expands our mind but also our experiences and life. 

We started out in Korea, (our first temporary home and the birthplace of our children), and currently, we are between Russia and the Philippines (figure it out...:D), which are, by the way, ours by natural heritage. We learned to love languages and have become more open to learning and speaking them. At home, wherever it may be, we speak plenty of English, mixed in with Korean and Russian, with a smattering of Visayan (a mix of dialects from the Visayas region of the Philippines).

We left Korea last year for Russia and had the wonderful chance to be exposed to the Russian language. The kids' Russian have turned from better to good; and for our eldest, Mikhail/ Misha, to very good. He can converse with his dad now, comfortably switching from English to Russian anyhow he wants as they speak.

As for the girls, they have come with me here in the Philippines and have to switch from learning Russian to Filipino. Amazingly, in just a matter of one month, they are now picking up a variety of Filipino dialects. Angelika, our second, is learning Filipino (Tagalog) language formally at school for  two weeks now. Last week, after attending school for only a few days, she tried to show off by singing a new song she learned at school. She belted, "Ako ay Filipino! Ako ay Filipino!" (I am a Filipino! I am a Filipino!) Singing the same line again and again and again. Seeing that her audience was amused, she sang even louder but missed singing the first word correctly. "Afo ay Filipino! Afo ay Filipino!" Her grandpa walked in and I enthusiastically told him to look and listen to his 'apo'(granddaughter). After that she sang for him, "Apo ay Filipino! Apo ay Filipino!" (Grandaughter is a Filipino! :D). We chuckled at her cuteness. But soon she will talk good Filipino. I hope so.

The youngest, Gabriella/Ella, speaks in multiple languages at the same time. When she's hurt, she goes, "I'm apo!" (which means I'm hurt in Korean). When she's sleepy and wants to sleep, she climbs on my lap and yawn, "Speet!" (which means sleep in Russian). And now she's learning a variety of Filipino dialects too with her older sister. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but I can see them having fun and I am not worried at all. In fact, I am absolutely in awe in how these children are dexterously managing their languages. There will come a time, I'm sure, when all these languages will come in handy and will surely be a blessing to them and others.

In the mean time, I am trying not to sound silly while talking to the girls in Tagalog/Filipino, which I am embarrassed to admit I am not very good at. I am a Visayan, for goodness' sake! I am also trying to keep up with my own Russian lessons, which is sort of going nowhere. But one day, some day, I will be able to talk too... maybe not so beautifully, but maybe good enough to sound authentic.

Angelika and her jelly friend.
 What's jelly fish in your language?

Besides, I have found that even through language barriers, souls in tuned can communicate in an amazing way. For down, deep, deep down inside each one of us, God has placed a sliver of something in our hearts. It throbs and beats the same rhythm, and it resonates to every kindred soul, speaking words that only the heart can hear. One day, some day, whatever language we speak now, we will understand, we will hear, we will speak--- that language of love. We try to speak it at home. And we hope to speak it, wherever we may be in the world, whatever the language may be spoken at the moment.

God is the author of it. We speak it as we know Him. For "a good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things" (Matthew 12:35), and there is no one who's good except Him who is Righteous. As we know Him, we speak love. He has promised that that time will come when everybody will get to speak His language, "For then will I return to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of the Lord, to serve Him with one accord" (Zephaniah 3:9).

Got to speak love.




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On Fishing, Fire and Breakfast

There is one thing I want more than other things. It is to be with my family: doing life together, worshiping and serving God together. Now for the third time, I have to leave my family again. I have failed for the umpteenth time to get a residence visa in Russia after working so hard for it. This visa would have allowed me to stay with my family for a longer time and be able to work and serve as a missionary.

We are feeling the rejection and disappointment. It hurts. The uncertainty makes us churlish and we don't like it. There is nothing pleasant about losing and failing.