Growing Kids' Character and Personality

My colorful flowers ⚘⚘⚘

"Mama, help! Bad boys are attacking us!"#3 barged into the house crying. My mama bear instinct went on full drive, but knowing Ella, she can cry over almost anything, even just a flying mosquito. Well, with all that unusually loud noises coming from the yard, I thought the kids had all the neighborhood children invited to come play with them. I tried to calm her down to get the details. But all I got was a lot of frantic, "Small boys are attacking us!" So I looked out of the window to see what all that fuss was about. What I saw was comical, well, for me.

Two small boys, about the ages of four or six, were trying to act tough, banging small shoulders on the locked gate. I turned to Ella and asked, "If they want to play with you, why don't you let them in?" It was better for me that other children come over to play with my kids than for my own to be away while I worry over whether they're behaving well or not.

"They don't want to play. They just want to fight," was the answer. The little, smart guys couldn't obviously get through the gate by their shoulders, so they went to get a carpenter's bench (from where? I had no idea), and tried to climb over the fence. Three of my kids are older than them but these little ones are so fast and ferocious that anyone would be afraid of them. We know their father, but the kids haven't met, so I know they're harmless to some extent.

As I was looking on trying to decide whether to intervene or not, I saw that my kids were behaving according to what I've known about their temperaments. Ella got on her bike to get away but ended up biking around in circles around the yard, while crying the whole time. She was shedding real, fat tears and looked so distraught. I looked for my oldest to see what he was doing. He was fooling around with the boys, making faces--- not taking them seriously at all--- even as they were climbing the fence. The second was reasoning out with the boys, using words as much as she could, but it didn't work as they seemed to be beyond reasoning. As for the youngest? She went to open the gate, went out and confronted the boys face to face. With both of her hands on her hips, she gave them some stern scolding. Woah! The boys didn't take it too well. That made me step out to intervene, afraid that things might escalate out of hand.

I called out, "What's going on here?" The boys eventually scurried away upon seeing me and left some worker's bench behind. Despite the tension, especially the one Ella was feeling, I was quite fascinated at how each of them reacted to the situation that was before them. Their reactions were right-on with their temperaments and their growing personality.

Temperament

Previously, I wrote about Kids, Temperament and Motivation, wherein I speculated on each of my children's temperaments. This time, I'm going to go further into children's growing character and personality, with some research on child development and the inspired writings of Ellen White to help me.

By the time my son was ten, I could already tell how my firstborn child responds or reacts to situations based on his temperament, something that is naturally his. The same as with the others. Even in utero and birth, my children had shown distinct temperamental traits that set them apart from each other. And as they grow, these inherited traits have grown more obvious.

Research on Child Development identified nine temperamental traits in infants, which are fairly stable and endures through adulthood. However, childrearing practices can modify temperament significantly. And it is well to remember that these characteristics are neither "bad" or "good, but instead depends on the world the children are in and the demands expected from them. For a brief info, I've listed them below.

*Nine Temperamental Traits1

-activity level (how active the child is generally)
-distractibility (degree of concentration and paying attention when the child is not particularly interested)
-intensity (how loud the child is)
-regularity (the predictability of biological functions like appetite and sleep)
-sensory threshold (how sensitive the child is to physical stimuli: touch, taste, smell, sound, light)
-approach/withdrawal (characteristic responses of a child to a new situation or to strangers)
-adaptability (how easily the child adapts to transitions and changes such as switching to a new activity)
-persistence (stubbornness, inability to give up)
-mood (tendency to react to the world primarily in a positive or negative way)

Knowing children's temperaments, makes it useful (if not easier) in parenting them in the best way that will ensure success in developing healthy personalities.

Personality

Personality is an interaction between temperament, environment and character. It is how children behave and how they are perceived by the people around them. In the long run, it determines how they will relate to other people and the world around them. Erik Erikson's eight phases on social development helps in understanding how personality develops. I've included a brief list below of the phases from Infancy up to School Age.

*Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development1

Infancy      Learning Basic Trust or Mistrust (Hope)
Toddlerhood   Learning Autonomy or Shame (Will)
Preschool    Learning Initiative or Guilt (Purpose)
School Age    Learning Industry or Inferiority (Competence)

Character

As for my children's character, I am simply glad they were not one of the boys who were "attacking", although I know they can get precocious at times. And if they are, it is my God-given duty as their mother to teach them what is right and wrong.

Looking into how children grows cognitively and develop moral reasoning, Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, explored this area and found that children are more concerned about outcomes than intentions. Children also learn best by cooperative decision-making and problem-solving situations. Lawrence Kohlberg, an American psychologist, extended into adolescence and adulthood Jean Piaget's work. He believed that moral character develops slowly and evolves over time.

But what is right and wrong? God's Moral Law--- the Ten Commandments--- is explicit on this. Time and again, throughout history, it shows that idolatry leads to debauchery and immorality. When we don't acknowledge God and reject His commandments, we lose our sense of accountability to Him and towards each other.

Accordingly, as we get to know our Maker, moral character develops. By faith we work to develop our characters. But we need to consider that each of us are distinct from each other, with our own temperament and different experiences. We cannot assume to make others like ourselves. In a garden, there are different flowers, all varied in its own beauty. So it is in God's garden. Most especially, we should not expect a well-developed character in our children when we haven't taught them. If we have neglected to teach them, then we can not expect much from them.

What can parents do to aid their children in developing strong moral characters?

1. Decide to be the Parent.

Whether you planned to be a parent or not, when you decide to take responsibility of the child entrusted to you, determine to be the parent he/she needs. Nowadays, I've seen so many children who are taking their parents for a ride, and the parents thought it's okay. Sometimes, it goes so far that nobody can tell who the parent is. Maybe it's a backlash from the Freudian days that tells us that repressing a child's natural drives would lead to neuroses, that's why we allow our kids too much freedom. But no, for our children's sake, we need to guide and provide discipline to our children for them to develop a moral character.

As God has chosen Abraham to be the Father of Nations, so has He chosen us to be the parent for our children. It is our God-given duty to direct our children.

"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just" (Genesis 18:19).

2. Start Early.

Pre-natal influences have a big role in developing temperament, character and personality. That is why, God was very clear in His command to Manoah and his wife in how to bring up their child, Samson, even before he was born.

The Scripture accounts: "Now there was a certain man from Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren and had no children. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Indeed now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and bear a son. Now therefore, please be careful not to drink wine or similar drink, and not to eat anything unclean." (Judges 13:2-4) And this was even before she conceived!

I can trace my children's temperamental traits with the habits I had while pregnant with them. Somehow, they acquired my attitude, behaviors and reactions to my experiences while still in utero. That's why I believe that "the basis of a right character in the future man is made firm by habits of strict temperance in the mother prior to the birth of her child.... (and) this lesson should not be regarded with indifference." (AH, 199.)

We should "teach (our) children from the cradle to practice self-denial and self-control. Teach them to enjoy the beauties of nature, and in useful employment to exercise all the powers of mind and body. Bring them up to have sound constitutions and good morals, to have sunny dispositions and sweet tempers. Teach them that to yield to temptation is weak and wicked; to resist is noble and manly. (CPTS, 127).

We need to promote the development of internal self-control through clear, consistent expectations and create opportunities to practice moral reasoning and actions from the time our children are young.

3. Determine to Provide High-quality Parenting

There is not much that we can do with the genes we pass on to our children, but we have the responsibility and the God-given power to provide the right environment and experiences so our children will have strong moral characters.

Children learn best when parents are warm and caring. When we understand our children's natural reaction to certain situations, we can prepare them to overcome or avoid problems and adapt our parenting to their particular temperaments to best provide guidance and ensure success in their development.

As parents, we provide our children the tools for life by what we teach and most importantly, by being role models of moral behavior. Ellen White, in her book Ministry of Healing, wrote about the far-reaching influence of a parent. "What the parents are, that to a great extent the children will be. The physical conditions of the parents, their dispositions and appetites, their mental and moral tendencies, are to a greater or less degree reproduced in their children" (371).

4. Provide an Environment that Promotes Character-building

Kindness begins at home, so does honesty, generosity, gentle manners, cheerfulness, usefulness and loving acts. If it doesn't, where can our children start to develop a character that will bless others and would fit them for heaven?

"God designs that the families of earth shall be a symbol of the family in heaven. Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God’s plan, are among His most effective agencies for the formation of Christian character..." (TC 6, 430). Having an atmosphere that promotes moral growth is a must.

The choice of a home matters, though. An African proverb says, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" and so, it is true. The character of a child says a lot of not only his/her parents' parenting practices, but also about where he/she has been brought up.

Let's not forget Lot's daughters. They have one righteous father. But after being taken out safe from Sodom and Gomorrah's destruction, they committed incest out of fear that their lineage will end. (Read Genesis 19.)  The Bible is not a wishy-washy book and it records even humanity's sins for future generations to avoid. And parenting is not a wishy-washy job. We should know where we stand and act on it that our children will know and decide where to stand. We are to learn from Lot and his daughters,

"The sinful conduct of (Lot's) daughters was the result of the evil associations of that vile place. Its moral corruption had become so interwoven with their character that they could not distinguish between good and evil." (PP, 168).

Parents, our parenting practices goes a long way, so does the environment we provide for our children. We are advised to "go where, apart from the distractions and dissipations of city life, you can give your children your companionship, where you can teach them to learn of God through His works and train them for lives of integrity and usefulness." (MH, 367)

Allow other people to teach and train your children, too. Because, yes, it takes a whole village... If I have caught up with those two youngsters, I would have taken the opportunity to teach them. In a loving way, I pray. And when my kids act badly, I hope that the adults around them won't let it pass by, but would take the time to gently discipline them. I find that my children sometimes listen more to other authority figures than they do to me, like their Sabbath School teacher or our church pastor. And I encourage them to do so.

5. Point them to the Divine Pattern

While being their mother, I don't want my children to be like me. (It would be a nightmare!) We have to encourage our children not to be anyone's shadow. They should be their own person.

And I may be my children's first teacher, one who will play a continuing role in their lives, but I know for a fact that I can not give them a well-developed character--- one that is simulated after the Savior, a character fitted for heaven. But I can point them to Him, the only one who is Righteous. Oh, how thrilling it would be to be like Him!

"When we submit ourselves to Christ, the heart is united with His heart, the will is merged in His will, the mind becomes one with His mind, the thoughts are brought into captivity to Him; we live His life. This is what it means to be clothed with the garment of His righteousness. Then as the Lord looks upon us He sees, not the fig-leaf garment, not the nakedness and deformity of sin, but His own robe of righteousness, which is perfect obedience to the law of Jehovah." (COL, 312).

The work of developing our character is a work of a lifetime and which is not humanly possible when done by ourselves alone. By faith, out of love for our Savior, we submit to Him and He moves our being.

For me, while temperament is wholly my child's, but which can be guided as he grows up; character is God's, imputed by faith. And these two, together with the third component, environment, makes up a person's personality. But while personality is what we need to get by in this world, a character of faith and integrity is what our Father in Heaven is after.

And so, I watch and pray. I observe my kids, and pray for wisdom to guide them and for Him to give them His character.

May He find us faithful with what He has entrusted us. And may He find them true to His promises and purpose for them.

----------------

Resources:

1Feldman, R.S., Development Across the Life Span, 4th Ed, Pearson
2COL, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/col/col.asp
3MH, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/mh/mh.asp
4http://centrowhite.org.br/files/ebooks/egw-english/books/The%20Adventist%20Home.pdf






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Kids, Temperament, Motivation and The Pattern
7 Tips for a Joy-filled Parenting
Planting Seeds of Responsibility

A Mother's Profound Joy

A MOTHER'S PROFOUND JOY

A mother's profound joy
comes in tiny bundles
concealed in the smell of your hair,
the wonder in your eyes, your laughter---
so rich, so right.

When you eat what she cooks
she feels immense pleasure
in heaping unending servings of stew,
spaghetti, memories, lessons and love
you can always keep.

You have no idea
how she stares unblinking
as you lie in repose making snores--
never mind that she's tired of cleaning
after your own shadow.

A lisped prayer is to her ear
as a President's speech
filled with hope for the future-- no fear;
a nursery rhyme you sing in play is as
Pavarotti's poignant aria.

Stories of you go on and on...
and on with no end,
told without beginning to anyone, who
cares (and dares) to listen, and a photo
becomes two million

On Facebook, Instagram
and on her beloved iPhone.
Seeing you with good books and friends,
however, fills her with gladness: you
won't be bored ever.

Even without recognition,
she glows with your B,
she's seen your struggles and efforts,
saw your grit, then your kindness
despite all tough.

A mother's profound joy
is in living grateful
confident in the Ultimate Parent's love--
your heart in His and your hand in hers.
That joy is you.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith



* Lately I have been very distracted. Blame it on the words that just seem to float out of nowhere and bother me until it gets down on paper. (I've developed a tic on one eye because of it. Like this 😉 ) So here it is in blog form. The other poems will follow right after I'm done with preparing dinner here. 

The words came as I tried to force myself to nap--- even for just 15 minutes, please--- lying beside my sleeping pre-schooler. As usual, the nap didn't  happen, the poem did, fueled at the joy, every mother knows, when one is holding her child (and smelling her/his head). Once again, I'm thankful to God for gifts and the joy of pursuing them.

Have a wonderful day!




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Russian meadows. Wide, open spaces to fly, to roam...

Raining again! Not much, but consistent. The whole day had been misty, though surprisingly, not dreary. There's something refreshing about rain after a couple of days of pure sunshine and clear, cloudless skies. In fact, it's balmy and soothing. It calms my spirit, inviting me to sit down from all the constant activity and whirling. I feel so relaxed, but not sleepy. Just that--- happy-calm.

Two days ago on June 12th, this is what I wrote...

The skies have cleared up! It is all clean and blue with no cloud in sight. Bright and warm and summery. I can see beach in my mind, complete with a beach umbrella as I stay in one place helping the kids take off one set of clothes into another, and wet clothes into dry ones, and then, again... and again. I can see melting ice cream in kids' hands... and smell salty air and the feel of grainy sand under my bottom. I can hear the kids' shrieks as the waves take up on their challenge to get them wet. This makes me smile.

This is such good news after a wearisome series of rain, when we had to stay home and huddle against the harsh and unrelenting wind.

So right away, we made the most of the day by going out and celebrate with the people of Russia for Russia Day. There was a military band performing, which we missed. But we had fun with what they left behind--- military stuff. We also looked at antique cars--- so stylish that I wish I know how to drive. In another part of the city, there were fire trucks and other utility trucks lined up for people to enjoy and kids to clamber around. I felt the pride and joy of the Russian people--- the freedom that I know was not given to them for free but were protected by the very lives of their forefathers, and the efforts that the people of this age are doing to make everyone's lives better.

And as I look on and celebrate, down in my heart I celebrate as a Filipino, as my country, despite of evil men who are trying to destroy it, see another day to celebrate Philippine Independence Day with freedom, and pride at the courage given and displayed through the lives of men and women who love the country--- then and now. There is nothing more I wish for my beloved Philippines but true independence and freedom to live their God-given lives. 

In fact, this is what I wish for everyone living in this planet Earth.

But as most of us know, freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. And there is nothing truer to this than when Jesus gave up His life to set us free from a life of sin and eventual death. He paid the price for our freedom. And for this, we have a responsibility to stay free. And He alone can do this for us when we give our lives back to Him. "Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36).

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; 

therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

(Galatians 5:1)

* * * * *

Let me type again normally... I have left off on my last blogpost on the subject of parents losing their cool during moments of conflict and have even thought up some measures against totally blowing off. 

But what if we've blown it? Is there anything we can do? Because I sometimes do, try as I might, like the last scene with my daughter, Angelika. 

In moments like these, a mother can...

1. Forgive. Extend grace to the kids and to yourself. Oftentimes, it's harder for me to forgive myself. That's why a mother should stop beating herself up (mentally) and instead pray to redeem the lost moment. Repent. There's no forgiveness when there's no repentance. Then move on to asking God to help you on how to redeem the moment. In Scripture, all correction is redemptive by design--- whether to correct the child or the parent. Nothing is lost on God.

2. Say "Sorry" (and mean it!). Growing up, I've never heard my father apologize to us, his children. And I understand. Because in my parents' time, apologizing was thought up as a way of buckling down under your children and was seen as a quick way to lose their respect. However, being honest to our children shows them that we, parents, are humans and are flawed. Just like them, we make mistakes. In apologizing, we model how we, as humans, may fall several times, but by God's grace can rise up again.

So say it. Ask your kids for forgiveness. Take responsibility for your behavior, that they may also learn to take responsibility with theirs.

3. Tell and Show them you love them. After a tough moment of conflict, a child is emotionally beaten up and scarred. Start the healing right away with words that will remind your child of your love--- unconditionally. This will affirm her worth, because for a child, what matters most is what you think of her. Show affection. Hug. Physical touch zaps our brain into a loving mood, which is necessary after moments of anger.

4. Pray together.  Even when I'm still blowing steam and I can't seem to stop, even as the Holy Spirit is prompting me to, I usually would gather my child or kids together in a hug to pray my emotions out with me. They, in turn, would pray and see God's redeeming way.

In her book Child Guidance, Ellen White talked about the importance of prayer in a moment of crisis, "Reveal the love you have for your erring one. As you bow before God with your child, you will present before the sympathizing Redeemer His own words, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not; for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14). That prayer will bring angels to your side. Your child will not forget these experiences, and the blessing of God will rest upon such instruction, leading him to Christ. When children realize that their parents are trying to help them, they will bend their energies in the right direction" (CG, 253).

* * * * *

We are free. We are redeemed. There is no better way to be than to live this powerful truth as God's children and as parents to His little ones.

Alas! We live in an imperfect and sinful body. However, God has provided a way out through His Son. Let's take hold of His hand to give us strength over our weak selves and give us patience. Those who depend on Him  will "go from strength to strength" (Psalm 84:7).  

"Let (all) be taught that every mistake, every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a steppingstone to better and higher things. It is through such experiences that all who have ever made life worth the living have achieved success" (E. White, Education, 295, 296).

And yes, only through Him. It won't be long when we get to sing "Worthy is the Lamb!", to the One who conquers for us.

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Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

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Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

Rain is dripping outside when all I really want to do is go out for a walk and breath in some fresh air. Having been inside all day, I feel caged with my mind busy with a million things and with no direction. And when I am in such a sorry state, it shows in how I treat my children.

I yell at them. If not, I can go on and on with, "See, what you did?" I get sarcastic with them. I disrespect, forgetting that they, too, have feelings.

Afterwards, I feel bad and guilty. I punish myself by telling myself how horrible a mother I am. And when I don't feel good, all those bad emotions spill out to my children, even with my best intentions. It's a vicious cycle.

Angelika came home today determined to tell me the truth about losing the R50-bill I gave her for bus fare in coming home from school. Instead, she walked home. She wanted to be honest with me and prayed hard that I won't be angry with her. Of course, I've also resolved to stay calm when my children endeavor to tell me the truth. But as I spoke to her about what happened, I felt that angry bile rising and my voice rising with it. Angelika stood with head bowed. With much control, which I didn't feel at that moment, I stopped my tirade and told her to excuse herself as a student was coming soon for a private class with me. She went to her room.

While I got busy, I couldn't stop reprimanding myself at what I did. Leaving everything, I purposefully went to the girls' room but found the door close. Angelika locks herself in whenever she's upset with anyone, and this time she was upset with me. It wasn't locked when I turned the doorknob and I found her sitting on the spare bed hugging her legs, but she moved out of that position right away. I know I've botched it. So I just looked her in the eyes and said, "I love you." There were questions in her eyes but she remained speechless. "I love you," I said again, then softly closed the door. Later, I felt like I should have hugged her or shown more affection.

After my class and my student was gone, she came down from her room and told me, "Mom, you said 'I love you' when you came to my room." I nodded. Then she added, "I love you more."

From this incident, I've learned that even as we blow off ourselves before our kids, it's not the end yet. We can redeem what we've lost. But before totally making an embarrassment of ourselves, we can take measures. Here are some ways...

Keep Calm

1. Breath. Often when I do my breathing, I say a prayer. I find it easier to keep perspective on what is going on when I do. While others count numbers, I count on God's promises. He said,

The Lord gives strength to his people. 

The Lord blesses his people with peace.

(Psalm 29:11)

Another way to use breathing to calm down, which I've learned from one of my classes while working for my MA Counseling, is to visualize breathing in goodness and exhaling the toxic emotions out, example: anger, worry, etc. Feel the muscles in your body, the nerves, the organs inside, the tiny parts like the toes, fingers and eyes, etc, and bid them calm down and relax.

2. Go out. Just like kids need the time and space outside without walls, parents need that same space and time. A change of environment and fresh air can do wonders to a mind and body going numb with so much emotions and activity going on.

3. Have a time-out. I don't see time-out as a way to discipline but to teach children life skills, most importantly, in managing emotions. A mother taking a time-out when emotions are escalating is not only stopping herself from blasting off into the hell-world of uncontrollable anger, but also modeling to her children on what to do when they are caught in the same situation with peers, family and other people.

As long as it is safe to do so, retreat to a safer place alone. Whatever you do, whether to listen to music or take a walk or lie down on the floor alone while staring at the ceiling or read the Bible and talk to God, give yourself permission to break away from the chaos within and without. Or simply take the time-out just to escape for a few minutes from the daily grind of kids, chores and other tasks that you've set out to do. Put it on your list of things-to-do if possible. 

4. Feed yourself well. Often, mothers are so busy loading laundry, washing dishes, responding to the kids' calls that they forget that they haven't even had breakfast and it's already a few minutes before lunch time. This is so true for me. Sometimes I forget I need to drink water even as I go around giving cups with water to my kids to drink. No wonder that a mother's fuse can grow so short.

5. Don't rob yourself of sleep. I am very guilty of this even as I'm typing. I have always seen the time when my kids are sleeping as time for me to do many chores and writing tasks that I couldn't do when the kids are awake, but I've realized how in the process I am sabotaging my own plan. So for now, this blogpost will have to wait to be finished in another time while I sleep.

Tomorrow I'll write about redeeming what we lost after we've lost our cool. Stay with me. At the mean time...

I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, Lord, will keep me safe.

(Psalm 4:8)

Good night! 

Kids, Temperament, Motivation and The Pattern

Misha is all for fun.

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

Proverbs 20:11

A few days ago, I could almost smell summer in the air: bright sunshine, sweat, bicycle oil. Then two nights ago a snowstorm came bringing with it loads and loads of snow... and beautiful snowflakes spiraling in the air in the morning. And no electricity.

As school was cancelled, I was left with four kids without the help of modern devices. What to do?
I watched.

I watched the snowflakes. Beautiful, intricate in all it's design, then read about it. Fascinating.

I watched the kids in each of their own beautiful personalities trying to combat boredom in their own special way (as God has made them). Then blog about it. Extremely fascinating.

I looked like I was reading, but with all the activity going on, how can one even concentrate? This momma is on to another study, one that has begun since I had child #1. My lab goes like this...

Wellspring of Life

The temperature continues to fall as we draw closer to the heart of winter. And as it does, life throbs on unperturbed at its harshness and chill. Some may wonder how one stays cheery, much more passionate at the constant onslaught of coldness and terribly inhumane treatment. But there's something I want to tell you today.

The wellspring of life--- the heart--- stays warm as you guard and care for it.

Today has been an interesting day for me, not because of some big event or happening, but because of the bits and pieces that make up life. I had a conversation with my teen friends about the new year, growing old and something about fellowship/friendship/relationship. Here's what happened after they filed into the classroom bringing with them the mud from the melting snow. (We laughed as we saw how the floor was turned into something resembling that of a rice paddy with the amount of mud the teens' boots brought in.)

"So, are you, guys, looking forward to the new year?" I asked, thinking that everybody must be as excited as I am at the thought of the coming new year. I didn't expect the reply.

"No."

"No?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "Why?" I wanted to know what was so terrible about the coming year that my teen friends are not so happy about it. More difficult schoolwork? Loads more homework? A national exam to face? What? The response stumped me further.

7 Tips for a Joy-filled Parenting

"Good morning, Mom!"

Startled, I woke up from a deep sleep. I groaned. I still wanted to sleep, so I ignored the cheery voice, which was too cheery for a Saturday morning. Why can't I get an extra hour of sleep today like everyone does before my day starts and ends again at 12:00 midnight?

The childish voice came again, "Good morning, Mom! Wake up!" So I replied, "Mama is still sleepy. Please lie down again," trying to sound as sleepy as I could.

"Mama, wake up," the 'little dawn' shines, more insistently this time. So I rolled out of bed, head pounding and scooped my little toddler out of her crib (still didn't get to moving her to a toddler bed, no budget yet) and towards her potty. She held her arms wide open, ready to hug me tight, with a huge, bright smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back and whisper, "Good morning, Roxy," as her little arms embraced the whole of my heart.

My day has officially began.

Adolescence: The Busy-ness of Growing Up

Former learning mates :D

I had a pretty long day teaching last Tuesday. I have large classes of students to teach this year. But the day was made extremely long because of my six-inch stiletto heels. :)

For the life of me, I can not find any reason why I wore it, except that I wasn't thinking. Or probably, I regressed to my adolescent years when I felt insecure for being short.

But after being in this world this long and after all the years of education, I should know by now that a man's worth (and most importantly, a woman's) is not in his height or appearance. Pardon me, I forgot. I forgot that what matters is not on the surface but what's deep down inside us.

So I spent a whole day with pinched feet as I taught lessons, miserably learning my own lesson. And it didn't help at all that even in my painful perch, the adolescents with their gangly legs towered over me.

Life Lessons to Learn from Young Children

Hello dears! 

The following is a guest post from Helen Huynh. We are blessed to have her writing for us today. Enjoy! (Find out more about her at http://homemadejoys.com/)



There were numerous times when I would stop what I do and just watch my children play. A smile would form in my face as I whisper a 'thank you' to the Maker who entrusted them to me because everyday I marvel at the blessings my young ones bring into our home. How silly of me to think I am here to teach them lessons and show them how to live life just because I am MOM. I realize that I learn from my little ones just as much as they learn from me. Each day I spend with them, I see some of life’s most valuable lessons.

How children become so adorable and so full of life, I have no idea. All I know is they give life more meaning. Even before they could speak, they teach. How? By the way they live. Here are my favorite life lessons that all of us could learn from young children:

Embracing God's Promises

The lilac trees are teeming with the fragrant blooms. (I still have to get a photo of them.) Weeds are growing profusely together with the fair wild flowers. And there's no stopping them. I have spent mornings trying to stop their progress from surrounding the house and making it a den of crawly bugs, and that thought has helped me get the kids to help me out on this mission. They hate the idea of the creepies invading their rooms.

Once, these flowers and all the verdant trees were just promises of a brighter, more colorful season. Now, they are here for my eyes to feast on and my soul to rejoice in God's steadfast creative work in our yet sin-filled world, but which reveals His kingdom to those who have the eyes to see and the 'ears to hear'.

Rest: Jesus' Secret to a Well-Balanced Life

Source

Most days I run around the house trying to get things done before going to work or before going to bed at midnight. These 'must do' tasks sometimes just bobs up in the surface like a hard to clean pan that I must scrub bright or a cleaning supervisor will suddenly appear over my shoulder and "Tsk tsk" me for a job not done well. I have gotten to the point where I am confused which things I really should do.

Then I got sick. And gone is the strength that powered me as I zoomed my way through the hours of the day (and night). I was left with mounds of dirty laundry and ironing that I did anyway even though I didn't want to, and meals to cook even when I didn't want to eat. All I wanted was to disappear between the blankets, soothe my pounding head with the calming sound of my throaty, labored breathing.

Mount Up with Wings: Flying by More Than Just the Seat of the Pants

And so... it has been a week since the old year has been gone and the new year has begun. I am glad and grateful to see another year in my life. God is good!

How are you doing with your resolutions so far? As with every new year, I am often pressed to make new year's resolutions but it has been years since I had given up making a go at it. Instead I have brought before God in prayers my goals and dreams, and the intentions in my heart to live rightly, hoping fervently that He guides me every step of the way to fulfill them.

However, the past years had come with lots of surprises, pretty unexpected ones at that, and I was often left trying to swim through or wing it out by the seat of my pants (Ouch! Sounds painful). So, to counteract all this uncertain happenings, I am going to have a goal to make a goal. (So far, this week has given me  a bit of momentum. I have a list! Yay! :D)

And here's what I have in mind...

Taking Roots: Home, Sweet Home

It has been excruciating for me not to blog or write. Or even think. The past few months have been very strange. Life, though, went as usual, but I felt like a stranger to myself. I wasn't enjoying what I usually found enjoyable, and instead was drifting. The only explanation I could give was that I was trying to adjust to being transplanted, while at the same time finding my roots again. It wasn't an easy journey as seen by the number of blogs  produced in the past five months. But it sure is awesome after finally making sense of what is happening with me.

I have God to thank for, and the people and circumstances, and even a TV show, that showed me what I have been missing for years. (And here I thought I don't watch TV :)) I realized that I have lost my roots. For the many years I have been trying to fly--- away from home and to the places I wanted to be and the person I thought I will be--- I had forgotten that one still needs a home after all the flying is done.

Tantrum or Timeout?

Image from Pinterest

Sometimes one of my children don't get what she wants. So that child gives me a tantrum. She screams, kicks her legs, and... sulks. She tells me she doesn't want to talk to anyone, especially me.

I tell her to go to her room and come back only when she's ready to talk without biting other people's heads off. My child goes to her room and I can see how hard it is for her to do that. Children are stubborn. They have pride. But often, that child comes out from timeout calmer and a lot more wiser than she was a few minutes ago.

The moments we spent together, the affirmations of my love, and a relationship that makes her feel safe, makes tough times like these easier to handle and experience together. My children know that our relationship is more important than anything they may want.

I recently wanted to go on a tantrum. Well, I did. Shortly. The reason? I didn't get what I want.

I want to go back to my family soon. Right now, I'm in a place where I'm once again feeling very vulnerable, away from the unconditional support of my family. I want to be where I can do what I am supposed to be doing--- taking care of my hearth and home and fulfilling the dreams that I am certain God has put in my heart. But try as I might (with 99% of the work done by my husband), there is no way of going back home as quickly as I really wish. I have to once again endure the waiting, persevere, and exercise my heart to have faith, and not faint, in the face of the challenges. Most of all, the one thing that I wish I didn't have to know and see again, is for my family to go without me--- as my husband's wife and my children's mother.

Maybe you can understand how much I want to be with my family. Maybe not. But there are many times that we want something so much in our life. Maybe you want that dream job so badly, or a difficult situation to end, or a sick loved one to get well, or a house for the family, or a loved one to change... And you didn't get it.

Does God care? He seems so distant, you wonder.

Well, I wondered why God didn't give in to what I want. So I created distance between us.

I threw a tantrum. I got upset.  I screamed silently, balled my hands into fists and as my heart ached, I sulked. I didn't want to talk to anyone, even God. Especially Him. I ignored Him

What is the use of praying when I don't get answers? And God's promises? They sound so faint subdued by the voices telling me so loudly that I have failed.

Then just as quickly as I got mad, I quickly headed to a place in my mind where I could rest. There I found God's Words ringing clearly, shoving away the doubts and fears. I found His presence embracing me, even as I struggled to reject Him. And there, I found surrender. I talked to Him even when I wasn't ready to talk. To Him.

Why didn't He give me what I long for? Because He wants me to long for Him more than anything. And because He wants me to give to Him my longings and all.

Surrender.

It is hard to do that, especially for someone as stubborn as me. I have pride. A lot of it. But even if I went on a timeout reluctantly, I got out of it, calmer, confident and a lot more wiser.

It used to be so easy to have a tantrum. Now I would rather go on a timeout right away. It's because it's easier now to pull God's Words from the shelves in my heart and allow them to restore peace. Also, knowing that God is interested in a relationship with me makes it safe for me to say whatever is in my heart. He's not a wimp that He can't take my troubled questions. He has said, "Come, let us reason together" (Isaiah 1:18). He wants to spend time with me.

I have come to know that any longings that I have is not as important as my relationship with God. All these are just icing on the cake in a life that's spent with Him.

"Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).

We are also warned about "the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches" that will choke us, leaving us destitute of God. These are not our primary concern, even if in our earthly life they seem to be important.

Our relationship with God should take first place and if given His rightful place, all other concerns, all longings won't be taking up much of the space and peace in our minds as they are placed into God's hands. In His hands, whether He gives us our longings or not, we are certain that we have what our hearts long for--- Him.

In moments when we don't get what we want, there is no need for a tantrum. Take a timeout. Let His Word bring back a divine perspective, talk to Him about your longings, ask Him questions, and receive His peace and wisdom to understand His will. And just as my children come out of timeout calmer and wiser, we too can have a timeout and find rest in God.

When Resignation is NOT an Option for a Burned Out Mom, What is?

The kids enjoying the sunshine...

Yesterday I was totally exhausted even before the clock struck 12 o'clock midday. And it was also the day I had to go out to work.

Yes, I only go out to work once a week and am compensated very well for all that trouble of dressing up and looking presentable. Most days of the week, I stay at home or work from home. I know, I'm more than blessed.

But yesterday I wasn't feeling blessed. I was feeling burned out... and feeling so alone in my struggle to keep up with all the things that I had to do as a mom, that I was ready to throw in the towel and resign.

Then I remembered. I am a mom. A mother. One who has to be on duty 24/7 and has no idea where to hand in her resignation.

Status: In a Relationship

Taking selfies... (when we're not butting heads) :D

"Mom, I think I should be punished." My son popped his head out of the bathroom door where he was getting ready to take a shower as he uttered those dire words. I was surprised at what he said but deep inside I was doing a victory song and dance: "My God is working! My God is working!"

Spring Herald

Spring Herald, You wake us up into Your breathtaking beauty! Oh, how words are bursting from within me and into my pen. You warm us up with the daylight sun, melting the icy places in our hearts. You invite us into the splendor of Your presence. We are left speechless and in awe. You are magnificent to behold!

Praying My Marriage to True Love

Courtesy of my sister Helen's photography...
and her and my bro-in-law's lovely hands. ;)

My marriage has gone through rocks, ravines and valleys. And back again. I am praying it will survive.

Three years ago we did a major move. That move proved to be a catalyst of many challenges. Oh, how it has shaken our lives, our beliefs, our characters, our faith and our love for each other. It hasn't been easy. If we make it through August, my husband and I would be celebrating a huge landmark in our marriage--- the 10th.

Have a Messy Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

It's that time of season. Everybody is upbeat and in a celebratory mood. The snow is sparkling. The lights are twinkling. The aroma of food alone keeps one in good cheer. The brightly colored presents under a heavily decorated tree, keep anticipations high and spirits warm and loving. It's a time to be happy. A time to be merry.

But life, as we know life, is not all sparkly, not all warm, not all cheery. In fact, even as we celebrate with the tree twinkling and full of colors, tiny hands are reaching out and get a glass ball broken, or tiny feet racing around the house, little people shouting at each other, fighting or playing (who knows which), and big people screaming for them to stop. The cake did not turn out right. The oven acts out and the chicken is as raw as a leaf of lettuce in the salad, and everyone's hungry. Relatives come, tensions get high, 'cause there is at least one person in the family who just seem to rise the hair at your nape for no reason at all.

Life is messy. Real life is. It's not that picture-perfect Christmas card you just sent out to friends. It's that messy diaper that some of the time can't keep baby's clothes from getting soiled. It's the new shirt that you've just changed into and already smelling like spit-ups. It's the table all covered with crumbs and chicken bones. It's the messed-up dinner, the unmade beds, the reluctant children, piled-up laundry, the forgetful husband, the overwhelmed mom, the magic words left unsaid.

Keeping a Heart of Gratitude in the Midst of Hostility

Life has been more of a prison to me lately. I have been held captive by my anger and feelings of insecurity. The former is a means of defense against constant criticism, blame and disrespect. I wish to untangle myself but just as it is painful to leave the source of such anger and insecurities literally, so it is to let go of my anger. If I let go, then what? Would I be protected from further hurt?

In this state, it is very much difficult to be grateful. The only thing that has kept me grounded and not to let everything blow up are my children. How can people stay grateful in situations like this?