Grace

Spring by Russian artist Stanislav Zhukovsky

I came in peace, I sowed discord.
I sought to belong, I got rejection.
I wanted love, I found animosity.
I long for family, I made an enemy.

Through it all, God answered my needs.
Grace for all my frustrations, my emotions,
Grace for depression, for desperation,
Grace for arid valleys and destructive storms,
Sufficient grace even before I call.

In my struggles and restlessness,
He brought quiet rest.
I wrestle for rights, for supremacy,
I see His full glory in humility.

So I bowed as He took on Himself my faults.
Grace for all my weaknesses, my peccadilloes.
Grace for my inability, my futility,
Grace for fruitless years and empty life,
Abundant grace for a sinner such as me.

In victory I stand as I embrace His promises.
I conquer on my knees in Jesus' blessed name.
I overcome as He holds me--- Jesus, hold me.
I give grace, for Your grace is enough for me.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

 for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, 

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

*The verses above came about as I reflected on Abigail's life and example, and of course, I couldn't help but look on my own life and reactions. You may read Abigail's story on 1 Samuel 25. She is one amazing woman who, instead of focusing on injustice and rejection, chose to live in grace and give grace. She didn't dwell on her arid valleys but instead stored up in abundance kindness and generosity. When her moment came, the one where only she could avert disaster and use the gifts God had given her, she was more than ready. She rose up to the occasion.

I more than know that we often have our "arid valleys" and "destructive storms", whether brought on by circumstances or our own sinful tendencies, they cause us to cry out against God or to God. Whatever you choose to do, God's grace is abundantly made available for you. It is there to meet our every need. It is there to fill up our nothingness. It is there to grasp and hold on--- sufficient to the day, hour, minute, and moment of trial and weakness. Let Him hold you. His grace is enough.





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Beauty
Am I On the Right Road?
Embracing God's Promises

Courage

I have decided to follow Jesus. I've sung this since I was wearing childish bangs. These past few weeks, though, I have found myself needing some dose of courage. And true to His words, God provided me the encouragement to be brave.

I know I had been putting the decision off, thinking somehow that if I don't do anything or speak at all it will resolve itself. (Isn't that what we often wish? As if, evolution works!) But God works and in His mysterious way, He got my attention. Now I'm on to it and like a dog with a bone, I won't let go until I get my answer. The right one--- in line with His law of love.

I'm talking about being a mother, one who is given the responsibility to protect and raise God's children, providing them what they need and nurturing them to grow in the knowledge and grace of their Ultimate Parent. Because as women, we are builders of our homes. "The wise woman builds her house" (Proverbs 14:1). 

Bus Ride

A ride on the bus through the city
Revealed to me more than there was to see,
Not just the torrent of wet snow on the panes,
Nor the mud on my boots mucking up the lanes.

I saw a teenage girl with a guitar on her back,
Roomy clothes, cap turned back, a fashion slack.
I saw the guitar peeking through an unzipped bag
That got me worried like I've seen a red flag.

What if the guitar will fall through and crash?
Maybe I should zip it up as this girl had been in a rush.
But before I could, I glance up to see
A woman coming in shaking off all that flurry.

With damp hair sticking to her crown,
All that snow, as wet as rain, has pulled it down.
All the past efforts to coif and polish and style
Now all gone with the weather turning juvenile.

I consider--- some may be ready, some are not
Life still goes on whatever may be your plot.
Believe the Driver will get you There
'Cause if not, you might as well be going nowhere.

A young girl of ten, her jacket in rainbow hue
And the bounce on each step drew a few
Glances and smiles from every side---
Don't take it too hard, life's a bus ride.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith

• I wrote this while riding on the bus on my way to an evening class yesterday. Must have been the weather setting up the mood--- wet, slushy snow going straight to my face, and those who missed, lie churlishly on the ground. People, though, weren't minding it too much. For me, it was quite enjoyable. Then, there was all that people on the bus. And I love watching people. :)
• This is for all the women--- whatever type of woman you are, because a woman can be many types or all types if she wants--- who bring smiles, and beauty (and wit and life, because we do bring lots of stuff) on a bus ride. Happy Women's Day (for March 8th)!
• Finally, here's what this "ride" is really all about. 

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, 

would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 

And if I go and prepare a place for you, 

I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 

You know the way to the place where I am going.”

(John 14:1~4)

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Beauty

On Overgrown Hair, Growing Old, and Living Forward

3 Things I Love About Being a Woman

Keep It Simple

Winter in Russia by Oksana Yushko

Sipping my tea while waiting for Ella to finish her cereal, I type away as the two older kids torture each other with tickles. It's almost mid-morning but it's hard not to savor the last of the holidays. Tomorrow things will be back to usual--- waking up at seven, groggily making way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for my son while wiping away sleepy cobwebs from eyes and ignoring a more incessant call for sleep with a pounding headache, and after that, get Ella ready for kindergarten. Usually, after seeing them off, Roxy's robust voice will be heard calling for her mom. Or for potty time. Or breakfast.

But that's for tomorrow. Today, I've got today. I have a choice to do what I want with it. But what?

We got to celebrate Christmas yesterday and the day before that. And since it was Sabbath, I was doubly blessed. I was able to take part in a musical program, sang two beautiful songs and the next day, had a party with the young ones.

Actually, if I haven't come to this part of the world, I won't know at all that many observe Christmas way past the new year, unlike most countries who do so on December 25th. And I'm glad to be ending all these holiday-making (from December 25th to the New Year to January 7th) with the thought of Christ's first advent. And the reason why I'm still here. Here, anywhere in this world. And why I'm waiting, so earnestly for Jesus' second coming.

Beauty

Li'l Angelika in a costume made
by my late mother, when I was away
 and unable to be with my daughter,
a few days before 'the storm'.

Beauty
is not found in heavily made up ladies,
Neither in the sparkling diamonds or glitters of gold
Brimming from necks and limbs;
Nor in the latest models of gadgets or antiques of old,
Strings of possessions and processions of things.

Beauty---
if you care to look--- is in the eyes
Of one where joy resides, see as she smiles
At the future in this ocean of life,
Facing with mirth its every ebb of tide,
Grateful, joyful for every unexpected love
Committed on the vow she made to the One above.

Who Is Like God? (Happy birthday, my Little Captain!)

I write to you, my son, because there are some things I just don't want to say but I also want you to remember.

Foremost is, God.

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me" (Psalm 139:1).

I became a mother when I was gifted with you. That was ten years ago. I was uninitiated in motherhood and in life. But God in His wisdom gave me you. And in having you, I longed, bordering on desperation, to "know" Him, really know Him. I didn't know then that He would take me on a long journey. One that was unforgettable and replete with deep knowing of Him.

My son, in your vulnerability and helplessness, I found God's strength as I fiercely tried to protect and care for you. In Him, I see One who Protects those who are weak, vulnerable and are dependent on Him.

Am I On The Right Road?

It has been raining for several days. The skies are overcast with dark clouds, the atmosphere is dripping with rain and seldom does the sun take a peep just to say hello. When it does, it disappears so quickly that I had a feeling it has gone shy or is trying to be mysterious by hiding behind the curtains of the rain.

I cannot imagine being out there in that rain for a long period, drenched and in need of a good wring. But I do have an idea.

When I was in Seoul, Korea, I went out with a small group of young people from our church consisted of men, with the exception of myself, to climb Mt. Seorak. Seoraksan, as it is called, is the third highest mountain in Korea. The ladies decided not to go as they had seen that the weather was raining and predicted that it won't be worth the effort to go up. But I thought that I won't be in Korea forever and that may be my only chance to explore a new place and do something interesting--- climb Korea's most beautiful mountain. My companions were worried for me but I assured them that if I get too much of a burden, then they just have to leave me. For which, they shook their heads vigorously. Being a foreigner, my life was in their hands.

Name Game

Angelika's artwork of the backyard and the flowers.

It's early summer and beautiful meadows are everywhere with their flowers of golden yellow and blues. Even the backyard looks fantastic with these tiny flowers and when it's time to mow the lawn, it's hard to see them go. I don't even know the names of these flowers, only that they look so charming.

Well, I can't put a name on myself, either. Okay, literally, people are confused on how to call me. (Come on people, we've been on this before! See post What's My Name?) Recently, I have been called Risa, which is rice in Russian, because my name here is pronounced Z-ur-na. It is similar in sound to some kind of grain. Then there's Jorna. Never mind where that comes from.

Figuratively, however, it has only been a few years since I have come to put a name on myself. But here goes the online tests which claim that they know me just by my name or my picture. (I know almost all, if not all, know what I'm talking about here. You can't resist those online tests too! Admit it...) I had pretty amusing moments laughing at the results. Some are quite accurate, others are barely there, still others are just pure flattery or feel-good statements or downright baloney.

One of the results told me : Zernah, You are brilliant and stubborn! Another one said that I am... Brave. Fearless. Never gives up. And the word that describes me perfectly is Beautiful. Then, another said that I am Benevolent. (I wasn't certain what it means, so I googled up the word.) Here's another one, but not just one word. With a name like yours, you were meant to travel to the beat of your own drum! You have always been the type of person who likes to approach the world differently. Sometimes, it might get you into trouble, but you are always able to stay positive no matter the situation. You were born with a unique gift to share with the world and you are a bright star that will bring joy and happiness to those that surround you! Never lose sight of how special you are!

Woah! The words sound pretty good, right? (I intentionally made them bold, colorful and large so you'll color with envy or cringe in embarrassment, or roll around with hilarity, or throw up in disgust. Ha! That's a multiple choice... statement.) But how about the days when I'm not brave or beautiful or benevolent? Or when all I want is to fit in and keep any attention away from me? Does that make me less of me?

I have been called other names, too, ones that are not so wonderful, while others are downright degrading. There's 'crazy', 'stupid' and 'ugly'-- I have heard in a few different languages. Ah, even looking at these words take me down the twisted road. They are childish and often uttered with a purpose to hurt and break someone down. Let's back up.

When I mentioned above that it has only been a few years since I've come to know who I really am, I am not exaggerating. It's a hard job. Some people have left home and loved ones just to sort of "find themselves". But I didn't have to do that. Instead, God put a desire in me to know Him more and to grow in Him. He placed me in different circumstances and places--- and the result is a journey of adventure to His heart. I wouldn't exchange it for anything (even if I do whine or throw tantrums whenever things go out of hand-- my hand).

In knowing God, I began to know myself, who I really am, and what I am going to be. I know exactly where I fit in. I Have been created to do so even before the world began. I just love what the Bible says, not only about me, but all of us. (Tip: Please read the verses below slowly. Relish every word.)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 

just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, 

that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 

having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, 

according to the good pleasure of His will, 

to the praise of the glory of His grace, 

by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

In Him we have redemption through His blood, 

the forgiveness of sins, 

according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us 

in all wisdom and prudence, 

having made known to us the mystery of His will, 

according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, 

that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times 

He might gather together in one all things in Christ, 

both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. 

In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, 

being predestined according to the purpose of Him 

who works all things according to the counsel of His will, 

that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. 

(Ephesians 1:3-12)

I was made for His praise and be with Him.

We have myopic eyes. But it's not a surprise, considering what we often see and hear, or what we choose to watch and listen to. Often we are told that we are not good enough--- there's someone out there more beautiful with plumped up lips, sultry eyes and thinner than knife body. Or we are not smart enough, or more professional, or creative, or more put-together. So we strive and we lose ourselves, the one God has made. And since there's something missing in us, we struggle to fill it with something that gives us significance, be it possessions, profession, prestige, places (travel) or even the good things--- people (husband, family, friends, etc.). Oh, the many ways we lose ourselves!

But there is only one way to find ourselves again--- only in Him, who made us and loves us and wants to be with us. If you are in doubt, read the verses again above. (This time slower.)

In Him, I found who I am through His eyes.
I am...
His friend (John 15:14).
An heir (Galatians 4:7).
His letter (2 Corinthians 3:3).
His temple (1 Corinthians 6:19).
His servant (Acts 16:17).
Strong (2 Corinthians 12:10).
His chosen (1 Peter 2:9).
Called (Romans 1:6).
His beloved (Romans 1:7).
His child (John 1:12).
And you are too, when you give your life to Him, just as He has given His life to you.

Many people have asked me what my name means. I really don't know. It's a name given out of love. My parents decided to give both of their names to me by combining the last letters of their names: Eliezer and Myrna equals Zernah. (Isn't that sweet?) So while other children grew up with their names and their meanings, I grew up with my parents'. And with their lives. I appreciate what they had given me--- a good name.

Like the flowers, with their scientific-and-exotic-Latin-sounding names, out there glowing, I'll glow with God's light with a good name, even on days when I don't feel benevolent, beautiful, or brave. Because He takes care of it. It's His thing. A favorite quote keeps me in line whenever I forget...

"(God) has surrounded you with beauty to teach you that you are not placed on earth merely to delve for self, to dig and build, to toil and spin, but to make life bright and joyous and beautiful with the love of Christ---like the flowers, to gladden other lives by the ministry of love." (E.G. White, TMB)

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Seize the Day

Spring Herald

The Beauty in Everyday

Embracing God's Promises

The lilac trees are teeming with the fragrant blooms. (I still have to get a photo of them.) Weeds are growing profusely together with the fair wild flowers. And there's no stopping them. I have spent mornings trying to stop their progress from surrounding the house and making it a den of crawly bugs, and that thought has helped me get the kids to help me out on this mission. They hate the idea of the creepies invading their rooms.

Once, these flowers and all the verdant trees were just promises of a brighter, more colorful season. Now, they are here for my eyes to feast on and my soul to rejoice in God's steadfast creative work in our yet sin-filled world, but which reveals His kingdom to those who have the eyes to see and the 'ears to hear'.

Beyond the Storm: Peace

I am a mere mortal. I have a faulty understanding of how the Divine works. But it hasn't stopped me from trying.

Today is my mother's birthday if she were alive. My Ma--- loving, strong and tender. No one has seen her since that fateful night of November 8. She has disappeared in the storm together with my dear father. And, oh, how I've missed her.

There are times when I wonder what she would say to the things that are happening in my life-- celebratory or otherwise. She had been a bulwark in our home. She was courageous: taking on the journey God has set for her even if it meant giving up many of the things that could have been better in the world's eyes. She had always been excited for all of her children and it didn't matter for her whether we made it in the world because she knew each of us has a special path to take.

It has been hard accepting that she is gone. But God has not left me destitute.

The Sky and the Sea

The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork.

Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge.

(Psalm 19:1,2)

A few days ago, my family went on a hunting/fishing trip and made camp for a couple of nights by the seashore. As we witness the sun rise and set at such a breathtaking fashion, we didn't want to go back home even if it meant a nice, warm bath and comfortable beds. The children and I combed every inch of the beach. By afternoon of the first day, the baby was taking her own looooooong walks and I had to use Herculean tactics and effort to get her back to our camp site. The only indication of tiredness she showed were pretty nasty snoring by the time we slept before midnight. The children didn't want the days and the nights to end and mealtimes were fast, unlike at home when they could drag on for hours.

Mount Up with Wings: Flying by More Than Just the Seat of the Pants

And so... it has been a week since the old year has been gone and the new year has begun. I am glad and grateful to see another year in my life. God is good!

How are you doing with your resolutions so far? As with every new year, I am often pressed to make new year's resolutions but it has been years since I had given up making a go at it. Instead I have brought before God in prayers my goals and dreams, and the intentions in my heart to live rightly, hoping fervently that He guides me every step of the way to fulfill them.

However, the past years had come with lots of surprises, pretty unexpected ones at that, and I was often left trying to swim through or wing it out by the seat of my pants (Ouch! Sounds painful). So, to counteract all this uncertain happenings, I am going to have a goal to make a goal. (So far, this week has given me  a bit of momentum. I have a list! Yay! :D)

And here's what I have in mind...

Heal Our Hearts

"Home is where the heart is..."

And so, it has been said. But when your heart doesn't know where home is, then it has done too much wandering, making homes wherever one wanders. Wander woman.

Year 2015 is almost to run out. But here I am still not yet ready to welcome in the new year. This year has brought too much instability for my little heart that it doesn't even know whether it's home or not. Maybe it's still wandering when it's already home?

I have my stuff in luggages for a long time now... y'know, having to go back and forth between three countries. Somehow this new year seemed to find me still in such a state with my bags still packed even when I'm already home.

Pathfinding 2: Redeeming Jonah, Redeeming Me

This pathway is made more interesting and fun
with companions like these!

"Love your enemies... do good to those who hate you." I sighed as I read the verses Matthew 5:43 and 44 again and again. "Pray for those who spitefully use you..." I sighed again. I whispered, "It's so hard, Lord."

I am a proud person. In my family, I am probably the most independent, headstrong, and quite a braggart. I needed a heart change. God knows this and this is probably the reason why I am where I am, and going through what I am going through.

Pathfinding 1: The Jonah Journey

Scarecrow-ing around for fun. :)

I volunteer for an organization that teaches and brings up children, young men and women with life skills and a rich spiritual life. It is similar to boy/girl scouting, yet more as it gives its members a sense of direction and meaning in life.

I, myself, grew up in this Pathfinder's Club. Now, I am given the privilege to be an instructor.

Pathfinder's Club uses the Word of God, the Bible, as its main source of knowledge and wisdom; and any other textbooks used has to be weighed against it.

For the past two Saturday afternoons, I taught my class about Jonah. I told it as simply as I could, as the children are not familiar with the Bible and the stories in it. Granted that the kids got it simple, my mind, though, was turning the story around, and up and down. That being the case, though the story of Jonah is out of the ordinary (not everyone gets swallowed by a fish), I found a path--- familiar and well-trodden.