When You're About to Give Up

Blow after blow. Life delivers accurately like a boxer's punches hitting you where it hurts the most. What do you do? Buckle down? Throw up your hands and run? Or hide? Or say, "Where is God?" Doubting Him as if He hasn't cared enough, loved enough or given enough proof that He does?

Sounds like Job's wife.

There was a great man named Job, God-fearing and blameless, who had everything--- a beautiful family and great possessions--- all that any man could dream of during his time. Then out of nowhere (for Job), catastrophe after catastrophe fell and he lost his children and all his possessions. Next, he got boils, painful to the core and occupying freely his skin from head to soles. That's when his wife spoke up: “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9).

It's so easy to turn into Job's wife, when the loving and responsible man you envisioned your husband to be morphs into less than what he seems, when the family you've wanted become a constant reminder of your weaknesses, when you're fighting the strong current of recession or onslaught of disease, or when you're simply trying to keep your head above a business fast sinking or stress at school or work.

Recently I had a similar sentiment as Job's wife, even as I felt like I couldn't recover from another blow. But I heard Job reprimanding me, "Don't be foolish!" And I realized the blow was more on my pride than what I thought was my faith. Oh, I, of little faith!

And for days, I was a wimp. I wasn't strong, even as Christian friends encouraged me. I wasn't brave, nor happy, or hopeful. I was disappointed, frustrated and full of regrets--- if only...

Until a memory in Facebook reminded me of what I had written two years ago, when I was away from my husband and children, and all my longing was centered on being back with them. Ironically, now that I'd gotten what I wanted, I realized that it was really not what I wanted. I want a Christian home. Year after year, night and day, I struggled to keep my family together in walking with the Lord. And there were plenty of times I felt alone.

So there I was, wanting my something but the nothing was not an option. I have to settle for what I have and what I have is imperfect.

I didn't like that. As the days passed and I wallow in pity, having a party no one else can join, and mad at God, Job spoke to me... and a cup, too.

Job's voice in my thoughts as he reprimanded his wife:

“You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. 

Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10).

 Right after, I heard him worship God, 

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

And naked shall I return there.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;

Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

(Job 1:21)

I felt foolish. 

When Jesus bore that cross on His shoulders, no sound of whining escaped His mouth. After all, that cross was supposed to be mine. When He hanged there with a broken heart, He did so without regret, because He loves me. How can I ever doubt that He cares? 

I thought marriage had made me better. And motherhood. And all those books and courses. And sermons and Bible studies. And life lessons and experiences. And people I've met and know. But I failed. And in failing, I blamed God for not changing my circumstances and the people around me. After all these years.

God though is merciful. I didn't get what I deserve--- a spank on the bottom. Instead, I got a picture of a cup, imperfect but beautiful with its rough edges.

One imperfect cup as made by a famous ceramic artist, told me there's beauty in imperfection. Ah, yes, and in authenticity. I know my reaction to my situation was totally uncalled for for a Christian and that was why I felt disappointed. In myself. I thought I knew better. I thought I was on my way, as I long for, to becoming a better person, one with God's Kingdom in her. But, no, I still run out of faith.

And there I was, with faith dead as the ashes. And with anything dead, only God can bring back to life. So even as faith died, God was there.

Remember Elijah? He felt alone, praying himself dead and hid himself in a cave (1 King 19:9,10). But even with His lack of faith, God was there.

David, despite committing a great sin, knew this for sure. "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?" (Psalm 118:6).

In all our struggles, God is with us. We are never alone, even when we feel that we are.

And all those rough spots in our character and life? All those out of our control? Ah, the Lord is still in control, especially, with all those that are out of our control. He is still God. He makes our rough edges beautiful--- stripping us of the cover-ups and masks that we put on to hide our real selves and our self-sufficiency. We may appear imperfect, but in His hands we are beautiful, fitted to reveal His glory. Because, yes, we were made for His glory and His alone.

So tonight, I want to worship with Job: The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord!





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My colorful flowers ⚘⚘⚘

"Mama, help! Bad boys are attacking us!"#3 barged into the house crying. My mama bear instinct went on full drive, but knowing Ella, she can cry over almost anything, even just a flying mosquito. Well, with all that unusually loud noises coming from the yard, I thought the kids had all the neighborhood children invited to come play with them. I tried to calm her down to get the details. But all I got was a lot of frantic, "Small boys are attacking us!" So I looked out of the window to see what all that fuss was about. What I saw was comical, well, for me.

Two small boys, about the ages of four or six, were trying to act tough, banging small shoulders on the locked gate. I turned to Ella and asked, "If they want to play with you, why don't you let them in?" It was better for me that other children come over to play with my kids than for my own to be away while I worry over whether they're behaving well or not.

"They don't want to play. They just want to fight," was the answer. The little, smart guys couldn't obviously get through the gate by their shoulders, so they went to get a carpenter's bench (from where? I had no idea), and tried to climb over the fence. Three of my kids are older than them but these little ones are so fast and ferocious that anyone would be afraid of them. We know their father, but the kids haven't met, so I know they're harmless to some extent.

As I was looking on trying to decide whether to intervene or not, I saw that my kids were behaving according to what I've known about their temperaments. Ella got on her bike to get away but ended up biking around in circles around the yard, while crying the whole time. She was shedding real, fat tears and looked so distraught. I looked for my oldest to see what he was doing. He was fooling around with the boys, making faces--- not taking them seriously at all--- even as they were climbing the fence. The second was reasoning out with the boys, using words as much as she could, but it didn't work as they seemed to be beyond reasoning. As for the youngest? She went to open the gate, went out and confronted the boys face to face. With both of her hands on her hips, she gave them some stern scolding. Woah! The boys didn't take it too well. That made me step out to intervene, afraid that things might escalate out of hand.

I called out, "What's going on here?" The boys eventually scurried away upon seeing me and left some worker's bench behind. Despite the tension, especially the one Ella was feeling, I was quite fascinated at how each of them reacted to the situation that was before them. Their reactions were right-on with their temperaments and their growing personality.

Temperament

Previously, I wrote about Kids, Temperament and Motivation, wherein I speculated on each of my children's temperaments. This time, I'm going to go further into children's growing character and personality, with some research on child development and the inspired writings of Ellen White to help me.

By the time my son was ten, I could already tell how my firstborn child responds or reacts to situations based on his temperament, something that is naturally his. The same as with the others. Even in utero and birth, my children had shown distinct temperamental traits that set them apart from each other. And as they grow, these inherited traits have grown more obvious.

Research on Child Development identified nine temperamental traits in infants, which are fairly stable and endures through adulthood. However, childrearing practices can modify temperament significantly. And it is well to remember that these characteristics are neither "bad" or "good, but instead depends on the world the children are in and the demands expected from them. For a brief info, I've listed them below.

*Nine Temperamental Traits1

-activity level (how active the child is generally)
-distractibility (degree of concentration and paying attention when the child is not particularly interested)
-intensity (how loud the child is)
-regularity (the predictability of biological functions like appetite and sleep)
-sensory threshold (how sensitive the child is to physical stimuli: touch, taste, smell, sound, light)
-approach/withdrawal (characteristic responses of a child to a new situation or to strangers)
-adaptability (how easily the child adapts to transitions and changes such as switching to a new activity)
-persistence (stubbornness, inability to give up)
-mood (tendency to react to the world primarily in a positive or negative way)

Knowing children's temperaments, makes it useful (if not easier) in parenting them in the best way that will ensure success in developing healthy personalities.

Personality

Personality is an interaction between temperament, environment and character. It is how children behave and how they are perceived by the people around them. In the long run, it determines how they will relate to other people and the world around them. Erik Erikson's eight phases on social development helps in understanding how personality develops. I've included a brief list below of the phases from Infancy up to School Age.

*Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development1

Infancy      Learning Basic Trust or Mistrust (Hope)
Toddlerhood   Learning Autonomy or Shame (Will)
Preschool    Learning Initiative or Guilt (Purpose)
School Age    Learning Industry or Inferiority (Competence)

Character

As for my children's character, I am simply glad they were not one of the boys who were "attacking", although I know they can get precocious at times. And if they are, it is my God-given duty as their mother to teach them what is right and wrong.

Looking into how children grows cognitively and develop moral reasoning, Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, explored this area and found that children are more concerned about outcomes than intentions. Children also learn best by cooperative decision-making and problem-solving situations. Lawrence Kohlberg, an American psychologist, extended into adolescence and adulthood Jean Piaget's work. He believed that moral character develops slowly and evolves over time.

But what is right and wrong? God's Moral Law--- the Ten Commandments--- is explicit on this. Time and again, throughout history, it shows that idolatry leads to debauchery and immorality. When we don't acknowledge God and reject His commandments, we lose our sense of accountability to Him and towards each other.

Accordingly, as we get to know our Maker, moral character develops. By faith we work to develop our characters. But we need to consider that each of us are distinct from each other, with our own temperament and different experiences. We cannot assume to make others like ourselves. In a garden, there are different flowers, all varied in its own beauty. So it is in God's garden. Most especially, we should not expect a well-developed character in our children when we haven't taught them. If we have neglected to teach them, then we can not expect much from them.

What can parents do to aid their children in developing strong moral characters?

1. Decide to be the Parent.

Whether you planned to be a parent or not, when you decide to take responsibility of the child entrusted to you, determine to be the parent he/she needs. Nowadays, I've seen so many children who are taking their parents for a ride, and the parents thought it's okay. Sometimes, it goes so far that nobody can tell who the parent is. Maybe it's a backlash from the Freudian days that tells us that repressing a child's natural drives would lead to neuroses, that's why we allow our kids too much freedom. But no, for our children's sake, we need to guide and provide discipline to our children for them to develop a moral character.

As God has chosen Abraham to be the Father of Nations, so has He chosen us to be the parent for our children. It is our God-given duty to direct our children.

"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just" (Genesis 18:19).

2. Start Early.

Pre-natal influences have a big role in developing temperament, character and personality. That is why, God was very clear in His command to Manoah and his wife in how to bring up their child, Samson, even before he was born.

The Scripture accounts: "Now there was a certain man from Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren and had no children. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Indeed now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and bear a son. Now therefore, please be careful not to drink wine or similar drink, and not to eat anything unclean." (Judges 13:2-4) And this was even before she conceived!

I can trace my children's temperamental traits with the habits I had while pregnant with them. Somehow, they acquired my attitude, behaviors and reactions to my experiences while still in utero. That's why I believe that "the basis of a right character in the future man is made firm by habits of strict temperance in the mother prior to the birth of her child.... (and) this lesson should not be regarded with indifference." (AH, 199.)

We should "teach (our) children from the cradle to practice self-denial and self-control. Teach them to enjoy the beauties of nature, and in useful employment to exercise all the powers of mind and body. Bring them up to have sound constitutions and good morals, to have sunny dispositions and sweet tempers. Teach them that to yield to temptation is weak and wicked; to resist is noble and manly. (CPTS, 127).

We need to promote the development of internal self-control through clear, consistent expectations and create opportunities to practice moral reasoning and actions from the time our children are young.

3. Determine to Provide High-quality Parenting

There is not much that we can do with the genes we pass on to our children, but we have the responsibility and the God-given power to provide the right environment and experiences so our children will have strong moral characters.

Children learn best when parents are warm and caring. When we understand our children's natural reaction to certain situations, we can prepare them to overcome or avoid problems and adapt our parenting to their particular temperaments to best provide guidance and ensure success in their development.

As parents, we provide our children the tools for life by what we teach and most importantly, by being role models of moral behavior. Ellen White, in her book Ministry of Healing, wrote about the far-reaching influence of a parent. "What the parents are, that to a great extent the children will be. The physical conditions of the parents, their dispositions and appetites, their mental and moral tendencies, are to a greater or less degree reproduced in their children" (371).

4. Provide an Environment that Promotes Character-building

Kindness begins at home, so does honesty, generosity, gentle manners, cheerfulness, usefulness and loving acts. If it doesn't, where can our children start to develop a character that will bless others and would fit them for heaven?

"God designs that the families of earth shall be a symbol of the family in heaven. Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God’s plan, are among His most effective agencies for the formation of Christian character..." (TC 6, 430). Having an atmosphere that promotes moral growth is a must.

The choice of a home matters, though. An African proverb says, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" and so, it is true. The character of a child says a lot of not only his/her parents' parenting practices, but also about where he/she has been brought up.

Let's not forget Lot's daughters. They have one righteous father. But after being taken out safe from Sodom and Gomorrah's destruction, they committed incest out of fear that their lineage will end. (Read Genesis 19.)  The Bible is not a wishy-washy book and it records even humanity's sins for future generations to avoid. And parenting is not a wishy-washy job. We should know where we stand and act on it that our children will know and decide where to stand. We are to learn from Lot and his daughters,

"The sinful conduct of (Lot's) daughters was the result of the evil associations of that vile place. Its moral corruption had become so interwoven with their character that they could not distinguish between good and evil." (PP, 168).

Parents, our parenting practices goes a long way, so does the environment we provide for our children. We are advised to "go where, apart from the distractions and dissipations of city life, you can give your children your companionship, where you can teach them to learn of God through His works and train them for lives of integrity and usefulness." (MH, 367)

Allow other people to teach and train your children, too. Because, yes, it takes a whole village... If I have caught up with those two youngsters, I would have taken the opportunity to teach them. In a loving way, I pray. And when my kids act badly, I hope that the adults around them won't let it pass by, but would take the time to gently discipline them. I find that my children sometimes listen more to other authority figures than they do to me, like their Sabbath School teacher or our church pastor. And I encourage them to do so.

5. Point them to the Divine Pattern

While being their mother, I don't want my children to be like me. (It would be a nightmare!) We have to encourage our children not to be anyone's shadow. They should be their own person.

And I may be my children's first teacher, one who will play a continuing role in their lives, but I know for a fact that I can not give them a well-developed character--- one that is simulated after the Savior, a character fitted for heaven. But I can point them to Him, the only one who is Righteous. Oh, how thrilling it would be to be like Him!

"When we submit ourselves to Christ, the heart is united with His heart, the will is merged in His will, the mind becomes one with His mind, the thoughts are brought into captivity to Him; we live His life. This is what it means to be clothed with the garment of His righteousness. Then as the Lord looks upon us He sees, not the fig-leaf garment, not the nakedness and deformity of sin, but His own robe of righteousness, which is perfect obedience to the law of Jehovah." (COL, 312).

The work of developing our character is a work of a lifetime and which is not humanly possible when done by ourselves alone. By faith, out of love for our Savior, we submit to Him and He moves our being.

For me, while temperament is wholly my child's, but which can be guided as he grows up; character is God's, imputed by faith. And these two, together with the third component, environment, makes up a person's personality. But while personality is what we need to get by in this world, a character of faith and integrity is what our Father in Heaven is after.

And so, I watch and pray. I observe my kids, and pray for wisdom to guide them and for Him to give them His character.

May He find us faithful with what He has entrusted us. And may He find them true to His promises and purpose for them.

----------------

Resources:

1Feldman, R.S., Development Across the Life Span, 4th Ed, Pearson
2COL, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/col/col.asp
3MH, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/mh/mh.asp
4http://centrowhite.org.br/files/ebooks/egw-english/books/The%20Adventist%20Home.pdf






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THAT GAP CALLED MISS

I _____ you.

That gap called miss
is huge and widening
filled with SILENCE that shouts
a longing that stretches for miles
wringing out hearts to despair:
Why can't we see eye to eye?


Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith





HOME

If I can bottle memories of you, I would.
Of the first time I laid eyes on you
without care of risk, you smile in sleep,
your every sigh and grunt
the sweetest that could ever exist.

If I can put moments with you in a box
I'd proudly lug it around on my back
like home to a turtle, a heart to a soul,
the stories you told, the grit you showed
they put flesh on me.

But I only have my heart to hold
all the miracle/blessing that you are,
brought together, though apart,
no bottle or box can ever contain
a child's wonder, a mother's love.


Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith



*I just miss a lot of people these days. Squabbling through the internet is not the same as in person. :) Even writing letters was better, despite the high technology that we have. The letters were not just to get in touch but to do life. Somehow, this is also about people and relationships... and how messy and complicated it gets, even how hard you try. And so, this longing gets into words, one day, as I was pining.

And the Home poem? It's a dual voice of psrent-child (like a duet?😊 ) with the last verse done by both. Hope you enjoyed it.

You are loved!

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, 

nor angels nor principalities nor powers, 

nor things present nor things to come, 

nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, 

shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Romans 8:38, 39)

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The Meadows and Other Poems

Lately I have been very distracted. Blame it on the words that just seem to float out of nowhere and bother me until it gets down on paper. (I've developed a tic on one eye because of it. Like this 😉 ) So here it is in blog form.

THE MEADOWS

get out of the house,
ride through an unbeaten path
the sun baking one side of face

through the windowglass,
yellows and greens and blue
as open and as wide as laughter,

it beckons, "Come!

trudge through weeds that won't feed,
don't mind the burrs.

Fling your arms wide,
exhale city dust."

take in restoration.
don't live like a mouse.

hair free, we take out phones
look at the beauty with myopic eyes
and fail to thank God

love spoken out loud through
the meadows.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith


** Nature has a way of healing us. But we often don't appreciate it because it takes us away from what is comfortable and all our technology. A weekend with the family out by the seashore, rolling on dirt, breathing in salty ocean air, feasting our eyes on colors not on screen, and running/walking through miles and miles of wide, open spaces did wonders to our bodies and minds, (and relationships) that slowly was disintegrating into disorder. A chronic entropy. Nature deficient syndrome. Whatever you might call it, we cannot deny our way of living takes us far from what God has designed for us originally to live healthy, productive lives. We see it in our children. We see it in ourselves. We observe it in our society. Thank God, there's still much to enjoy out there. Take that opportunity. 


MEMORIES

My lungs laboring for breath
I lie supine
My face pressed on a pillow
Your hands on my spine.
Every gentle touch is medicine
Its warmth and care
Long-suffering love from a mother.

Another time I sat facing you
Your eyes attentive and admiring
Food before me growing cold
As I forgot to eat, but talked and talked.
What I saw in your face
Tells me I can be me
I am good enough to my mother.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith


** Memories with my mom will always be part of me. And many times, words come and go to describe the love that sustained me and still do and the life she lived to give me.

Lastly, here's one which tells about all this craze I'm in at the moment. :)


POETRY FEVER

It started with Akhmatova's
"I wrote the words that lately
I wouldn't dare to speak"
from then on I can't seem to stop
writing down thoughts in verses
or see colors and shapes, feel music
in words.

That feeling of grandiosity
like waves rising higher, I soar
with the birds, I pirouette like a gazelle
What is this madness I feel?
I think of life and love and duty
reflect on God and His beauty
I bow in humility.

I'm just an amateur in love
but I meet fellow travelers and I learn
I tremble at the beauty they hold
How can mortal beings create
with blood, with tears, with fears
something beautiful 
in its stead?

So I dig my pen on paper
which has flowers on its cover
when I gaze long enough, words pop
like popcorn in a hot pot
I crunch on them, good on my palate
God help me now, I dare to create
a poem.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith





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A Mother's Profound Joy

A MOTHER'S PROFOUND JOY

A mother's profound joy
comes in tiny bundles
concealed in the smell of your hair,
the wonder in your eyes, your laughter---
so rich, so right.

When you eat what she cooks
she feels immense pleasure
in heaping unending servings of stew,
spaghetti, memories, lessons and love
you can always keep.

You have no idea
how she stares unblinking
as you lie in repose making snores--
never mind that she's tired of cleaning
after your own shadow.

A lisped prayer is to her ear
as a President's speech
filled with hope for the future-- no fear;
a nursery rhyme you sing in play is as
Pavarotti's poignant aria.

Stories of you go on and on...
and on with no end,
told without beginning to anyone, who
cares (and dares) to listen, and a photo
becomes two million

On Facebook, Instagram
and on her beloved iPhone.
Seeing you with good books and friends,
however, fills her with gladness: you
won't be bored ever.

Even without recognition,
she glows with your B,
she's seen your struggles and efforts,
saw your grit, then your kindness
despite all tough.

A mother's profound joy
is in living grateful
confident in the Ultimate Parent's love--
your heart in His and your hand in hers.
That joy is you.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith



* Lately I have been very distracted. Blame it on the words that just seem to float out of nowhere and bother me until it gets down on paper. (I've developed a tic on one eye because of it. Like this 😉 ) So here it is in blog form. The other poems will follow right after I'm done with preparing dinner here. 

The words came as I tried to force myself to nap--- even for just 15 minutes, please--- lying beside my sleeping pre-schooler. As usual, the nap didn't  happen, the poem did, fueled at the joy, every mother knows, when one is holding her child (and smelling her/his head). Once again, I'm thankful to God for gifts and the joy of pursuing them.

Have a wonderful day!




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How to Keep Fit--- the Easy Way

Out for a walk...

I just came back from an hour of walk with my pre-schooler--- she on her trike and me on foot, sweating under a sweater and a leather jacket. The day is gray with tiny drizzles of rain. (Or mist? I'm not so sure.) So I thought a leather jacket will be warm enough, but it got too warm as I walked.

Walking is one of my easy (and enjoyable) way to keep fit, which I do twice in a week. I do other things, which I'm going to share with you in a moment. But why keep fit?

When I was younger, I kept fit to stay in shape, but I have more reasons than that now that I'm older. There are the body pains that usually go away after a few minutes of stretching and a cloudy mind that gets its dusting with every move and stride I make.

Keeping fit is essential to our bodies especially to those who are not getting any younger any more. And we don't get it by simply reading about some people who look fit and young because of their strict exercise regimen. But for many of us, it is a struggle to just simply get up and get moving, much more to do it daily.

I understand this struggle. With four kids to care and look after, a household to keep, work and interests and dreams to reach, I sometimes neglect this much-needed routine just to  have time for other things. Which I'm guilty to say I am more enthusiastic about. But having a fit body and a sound mind is important in every aspect of life as a parent, as a spouse, and in our relationship with God.

Listing down things I do, keeps them in mind more readily. Here's what I do in a week to keep fit.


1. Do the walk.

The ideal way for me to get the most out of a walk is going by myself. However, it always doesn't happen that way. So, I walk with kids. Sometimes, a kid or two. I invite the Honey to walk with me. And I do a prayer-walk around my neighborhood area or somewhere different from my usual beaten path.

I love to walk where I haven't walked before. That's why my husband is often astonished to learn that I have been in some places in our city where he hasn't brought me before. As I've mentioned, I go walking at least twice a week.

2. Dance to the Music!

On other days that I cannot go walking, I dance for 30 minutes to Zumba videos at least three times a week. The following videos in Youtube is enough to pump up some energy for me for the day, as well as, get my rusty joints stretched before I have my breakfast. Try this 15-minute Zumba video,  4-minute body toning video and a stretching video. I love that the first video is in French, and so easy and fun!

I also get my kids moving, especially when they are caught indoors because of nasty weather, by getting them do some kids zumba. And to get them enthusiastic, I move along with them to music such as "Gummy Bear" or "Hickory-Dickory-Dock", which my little pre-schooler loves. (She's a great dancer!)

3. Get soil-dirty hands.

Digging in the garden for even just thirty minutes burns 200 to 400 calories! And that includes pulling weeds and planting.  Planting vegetables have an added bonus of putting food on the table--- the healthy ones.

I have to pull weeds or our yard will resemble a beautiful Russian forest, complete with a big, brown bear. I try to get the kids in on the activity but the most they can give is five minutes, except for an empathetic Angelika, who cannot bear the thought of her mom with so much to do and no one to help her. Anyhow, working in the yard is a good bonding moment and families should do it often, working together.

4. Playtime! 

I'm not talking about video or computer games. Playtime should be with traditional games or sports. Perhaps we, adults, should be reminded how to have fun again with something as simple as playing tag or playing with a ball. There's nothing more rewarding than playing with the kids and nothing more fun while burning calories.

When I'm out of ideas, I just race the kids to the next lamp post or play a simple game of football or basketball using unlikely objects as a goal or a basket. As they are growing older, I introduce little-by-little traditional Filipino games--- the ones I played when I was a snooty-nosed urchin. There is "Seven-seven-up", "Patintero", "Luksong tinik", "Tumba Lata", "Piko". Aside from "Seven-seven-up" which we have mastered by far, we are still in the process of getting them down pat.

During winter, I roll around in the snow with them or have a snowball fight. Accordingly, minding kids and playing with them burns 300 to 600 calories.

5. Have fun with house chores. 

Ah, chores. Who likes them? Not me. But I've adopted the kids' attitude of fun, so I can get them done. And scrubbing or even just vacuuming has made me sweat so I guess I'm doing some sort of workout even if just a little bit. Even a moderate housecleaning gets a hundred to two hundred calories. In wintertime, shoveling some snow always guarantees a good workout even for just twenty minutes. In fact, ten minutes of shoveling snow will get you so warmed up you won't want to go back to the drab and boring indoors.

Not only are these activities good for keeping you fit without much thought... and maybe, effort, but they are also therapeutic. Walking always gets me back into a happy, calm mood. Dancing makes me laugh and do silly things without getting embarrassed. Digging in the dirt makes me feel human, knowing that I come from the ground. Playing keeps that youthful spirit in me. And doing chores? It keeps the house clean and having a clean house is bliss!

Whatever we do, let's do it as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23) For if we do, we will benefit greatly out of it. God's blessings are poured to those who willingly obey Him and it is His desire that we will be fit and in good health. Finally...

"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things 

and be in health, just as your soul prospers." 

(3 John 2)

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Russian meadows. Wide, open spaces to fly, to roam...

Raining again! Not much, but consistent. The whole day had been misty, though surprisingly, not dreary. There's something refreshing about rain after a couple of days of pure sunshine and clear, cloudless skies. In fact, it's balmy and soothing. It calms my spirit, inviting me to sit down from all the constant activity and whirling. I feel so relaxed, but not sleepy. Just that--- happy-calm.

Two days ago on June 12th, this is what I wrote...

The skies have cleared up! It is all clean and blue with no cloud in sight. Bright and warm and summery. I can see beach in my mind, complete with a beach umbrella as I stay in one place helping the kids take off one set of clothes into another, and wet clothes into dry ones, and then, again... and again. I can see melting ice cream in kids' hands... and smell salty air and the feel of grainy sand under my bottom. I can hear the kids' shrieks as the waves take up on their challenge to get them wet. This makes me smile.

This is such good news after a wearisome series of rain, when we had to stay home and huddle against the harsh and unrelenting wind.

So right away, we made the most of the day by going out and celebrate with the people of Russia for Russia Day. There was a military band performing, which we missed. But we had fun with what they left behind--- military stuff. We also looked at antique cars--- so stylish that I wish I know how to drive. In another part of the city, there were fire trucks and other utility trucks lined up for people to enjoy and kids to clamber around. I felt the pride and joy of the Russian people--- the freedom that I know was not given to them for free but were protected by the very lives of their forefathers, and the efforts that the people of this age are doing to make everyone's lives better.

And as I look on and celebrate, down in my heart I celebrate as a Filipino, as my country, despite of evil men who are trying to destroy it, see another day to celebrate Philippine Independence Day with freedom, and pride at the courage given and displayed through the lives of men and women who love the country--- then and now. There is nothing more I wish for my beloved Philippines but true independence and freedom to live their God-given lives. 

In fact, this is what I wish for everyone living in this planet Earth.

But as most of us know, freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. And there is nothing truer to this than when Jesus gave up His life to set us free from a life of sin and eventual death. He paid the price for our freedom. And for this, we have a responsibility to stay free. And He alone can do this for us when we give our lives back to Him. "Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36).

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; 

therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

(Galatians 5:1)

* * * * *

Let me type again normally... I have left off on my last blogpost on the subject of parents losing their cool during moments of conflict and have even thought up some measures against totally blowing off. 

But what if we've blown it? Is there anything we can do? Because I sometimes do, try as I might, like the last scene with my daughter, Angelika. 

In moments like these, a mother can...

1. Forgive. Extend grace to the kids and to yourself. Oftentimes, it's harder for me to forgive myself. That's why a mother should stop beating herself up (mentally) and instead pray to redeem the lost moment. Repent. There's no forgiveness when there's no repentance. Then move on to asking God to help you on how to redeem the moment. In Scripture, all correction is redemptive by design--- whether to correct the child or the parent. Nothing is lost on God.

2. Say "Sorry" (and mean it!). Growing up, I've never heard my father apologize to us, his children. And I understand. Because in my parents' time, apologizing was thought up as a way of buckling down under your children and was seen as a quick way to lose their respect. However, being honest to our children shows them that we, parents, are humans and are flawed. Just like them, we make mistakes. In apologizing, we model how we, as humans, may fall several times, but by God's grace can rise up again.

So say it. Ask your kids for forgiveness. Take responsibility for your behavior, that they may also learn to take responsibility with theirs.

3. Tell and Show them you love them. After a tough moment of conflict, a child is emotionally beaten up and scarred. Start the healing right away with words that will remind your child of your love--- unconditionally. This will affirm her worth, because for a child, what matters most is what you think of her. Show affection. Hug. Physical touch zaps our brain into a loving mood, which is necessary after moments of anger.

4. Pray together.  Even when I'm still blowing steam and I can't seem to stop, even as the Holy Spirit is prompting me to, I usually would gather my child or kids together in a hug to pray my emotions out with me. They, in turn, would pray and see God's redeeming way.

In her book Child Guidance, Ellen White talked about the importance of prayer in a moment of crisis, "Reveal the love you have for your erring one. As you bow before God with your child, you will present before the sympathizing Redeemer His own words, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not; for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14). That prayer will bring angels to your side. Your child will not forget these experiences, and the blessing of God will rest upon such instruction, leading him to Christ. When children realize that their parents are trying to help them, they will bend their energies in the right direction" (CG, 253).

* * * * *

We are free. We are redeemed. There is no better way to be than to live this powerful truth as God's children and as parents to His little ones.

Alas! We live in an imperfect and sinful body. However, God has provided a way out through His Son. Let's take hold of His hand to give us strength over our weak selves and give us patience. Those who depend on Him  will "go from strength to strength" (Psalm 84:7).  

"Let (all) be taught that every mistake, every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a steppingstone to better and higher things. It is through such experiences that all who have ever made life worth the living have achieved success" (E. White, Education, 295, 296).

And yes, only through Him. It won't be long when we get to sing "Worthy is the Lamb!", to the One who conquers for us.

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Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

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Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

Rain is dripping outside when all I really want to do is go out for a walk and breath in some fresh air. Having been inside all day, I feel caged with my mind busy with a million things and with no direction. And when I am in such a sorry state, it shows in how I treat my children.

I yell at them. If not, I can go on and on with, "See, what you did?" I get sarcastic with them. I disrespect, forgetting that they, too, have feelings.

Afterwards, I feel bad and guilty. I punish myself by telling myself how horrible a mother I am. And when I don't feel good, all those bad emotions spill out to my children, even with my best intentions. It's a vicious cycle.

Angelika came home today determined to tell me the truth about losing the R50-bill I gave her for bus fare in coming home from school. Instead, she walked home. She wanted to be honest with me and prayed hard that I won't be angry with her. Of course, I've also resolved to stay calm when my children endeavor to tell me the truth. But as I spoke to her about what happened, I felt that angry bile rising and my voice rising with it. Angelika stood with head bowed. With much control, which I didn't feel at that moment, I stopped my tirade and told her to excuse herself as a student was coming soon for a private class with me. She went to her room.

While I got busy, I couldn't stop reprimanding myself at what I did. Leaving everything, I purposefully went to the girls' room but found the door close. Angelika locks herself in whenever she's upset with anyone, and this time she was upset with me. It wasn't locked when I turned the doorknob and I found her sitting on the spare bed hugging her legs, but she moved out of that position right away. I know I've botched it. So I just looked her in the eyes and said, "I love you." There were questions in her eyes but she remained speechless. "I love you," I said again, then softly closed the door. Later, I felt like I should have hugged her or shown more affection.

After my class and my student was gone, she came down from her room and told me, "Mom, you said 'I love you' when you came to my room." I nodded. Then she added, "I love you more."

From this incident, I've learned that even as we blow off ourselves before our kids, it's not the end yet. We can redeem what we've lost. But before totally making an embarrassment of ourselves, we can take measures. Here are some ways...

Keep Calm

1. Breath. Often when I do my breathing, I say a prayer. I find it easier to keep perspective on what is going on when I do. While others count numbers, I count on God's promises. He said,

The Lord gives strength to his people. 

The Lord blesses his people with peace.

(Psalm 29:11)

Another way to use breathing to calm down, which I've learned from one of my classes while working for my MA Counseling, is to visualize breathing in goodness and exhaling the toxic emotions out, example: anger, worry, etc. Feel the muscles in your body, the nerves, the organs inside, the tiny parts like the toes, fingers and eyes, etc, and bid them calm down and relax.

2. Go out. Just like kids need the time and space outside without walls, parents need that same space and time. A change of environment and fresh air can do wonders to a mind and body going numb with so much emotions and activity going on.

3. Have a time-out. I don't see time-out as a way to discipline but to teach children life skills, most importantly, in managing emotions. A mother taking a time-out when emotions are escalating is not only stopping herself from blasting off into the hell-world of uncontrollable anger, but also modeling to her children on what to do when they are caught in the same situation with peers, family and other people.

As long as it is safe to do so, retreat to a safer place alone. Whatever you do, whether to listen to music or take a walk or lie down on the floor alone while staring at the ceiling or read the Bible and talk to God, give yourself permission to break away from the chaos within and without. Or simply take the time-out just to escape for a few minutes from the daily grind of kids, chores and other tasks that you've set out to do. Put it on your list of things-to-do if possible. 

4. Feed yourself well. Often, mothers are so busy loading laundry, washing dishes, responding to the kids' calls that they forget that they haven't even had breakfast and it's already a few minutes before lunch time. This is so true for me. Sometimes I forget I need to drink water even as I go around giving cups with water to my kids to drink. No wonder that a mother's fuse can grow so short.

5. Don't rob yourself of sleep. I am very guilty of this even as I'm typing. I have always seen the time when my kids are sleeping as time for me to do many chores and writing tasks that I couldn't do when the kids are awake, but I've realized how in the process I am sabotaging my own plan. So for now, this blogpost will have to wait to be finished in another time while I sleep.

Tomorrow I'll write about redeeming what we lost after we've lost our cool. Stay with me. At the mean time...

I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, Lord, will keep me safe.

(Psalm 4:8)

Good night! 

Kids, Temperament, Motivation and The Pattern

Misha is all for fun.

Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

Proverbs 20:11

A few days ago, I could almost smell summer in the air: bright sunshine, sweat, bicycle oil. Then two nights ago a snowstorm came bringing with it loads and loads of snow... and beautiful snowflakes spiraling in the air in the morning. And no electricity.

As school was cancelled, I was left with four kids without the help of modern devices. What to do?
I watched.

I watched the snowflakes. Beautiful, intricate in all it's design, then read about it. Fascinating.

I watched the kids in each of their own beautiful personalities trying to combat boredom in their own special way (as God has made them). Then blog about it. Extremely fascinating.

I looked like I was reading, but with all the activity going on, how can one even concentrate? This momma is on to another study, one that has begun since I had child #1. My lab goes like this...

Courage

I have decided to follow Jesus. I've sung this since I was wearing childish bangs. These past few weeks, though, I have found myself needing some dose of courage. And true to His words, God provided me the encouragement to be brave.

I know I had been putting the decision off, thinking somehow that if I don't do anything or speak at all it will resolve itself. (Isn't that what we often wish? As if, evolution works!) But God works and in His mysterious way, He got my attention. Now I'm on to it and like a dog with a bone, I won't let go until I get my answer. The right one--- in line with His law of love.

I'm talking about being a mother, one who is given the responsibility to protect and raise God's children, providing them what they need and nurturing them to grow in the knowledge and grace of their Ultimate Parent. Because as women, we are builders of our homes. "The wise woman builds her house" (Proverbs 14:1). 

Wellspring of Life

The temperature continues to fall as we draw closer to the heart of winter. And as it does, life throbs on unperturbed at its harshness and chill. Some may wonder how one stays cheery, much more passionate at the constant onslaught of coldness and terribly inhumane treatment. But there's something I want to tell you today.

The wellspring of life--- the heart--- stays warm as you guard and care for it.

Today has been an interesting day for me, not because of some big event or happening, but because of the bits and pieces that make up life. I had a conversation with my teen friends about the new year, growing old and something about fellowship/friendship/relationship. Here's what happened after they filed into the classroom bringing with them the mud from the melting snow. (We laughed as we saw how the floor was turned into something resembling that of a rice paddy with the amount of mud the teens' boots brought in.)

"So, are you, guys, looking forward to the new year?" I asked, thinking that everybody must be as excited as I am at the thought of the coming new year. I didn't expect the reply.

"No."

"No?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "Why?" I wanted to know what was so terrible about the coming year that my teen friends are not so happy about it. More difficult schoolwork? Loads more homework? A national exam to face? What? The response stumped me further.

Beauty

Li'l Angelika in a costume made
by my late mother, when I was away
 and unable to be with my daughter,
a few days before 'the storm'.

Beauty
is not found in heavily made up ladies,
Neither in the sparkling diamonds or glitters of gold
Brimming from necks and limbs;
Nor in the latest models of gadgets or antiques of old,
Strings of possessions and processions of things.

Beauty---
if you care to look--- is in the eyes
Of one where joy resides, see as she smiles
At the future in this ocean of life,
Facing with mirth its every ebb of tide,
Grateful, joyful for every unexpected love
Committed on the vow she made to the One above.

7 Tips for a Joy-filled Parenting

"Good morning, Mom!"

Startled, I woke up from a deep sleep. I groaned. I still wanted to sleep, so I ignored the cheery voice, which was too cheery for a Saturday morning. Why can't I get an extra hour of sleep today like everyone does before my day starts and ends again at 12:00 midnight?

The childish voice came again, "Good morning, Mom! Wake up!" So I replied, "Mama is still sleepy. Please lie down again," trying to sound as sleepy as I could.

"Mama, wake up," the 'little dawn' shines, more insistently this time. So I rolled out of bed, head pounding and scooped my little toddler out of her crib (still didn't get to moving her to a toddler bed, no budget yet) and towards her potty. She held her arms wide open, ready to hug me tight, with a huge, bright smile on her face. I couldn't help but smile back and whisper, "Good morning, Roxy," as her little arms embraced the whole of my heart.

My day has officially began.

I'm Coming Home!: Helping a Child with Trauma

A storm is brewing in the horizon as I'm writing this. And my husband is looking for the cat before it gets caught in it. The sky is in different shades of iron, from silvery gray to almost black. It is awesome to watch it. Through the windows from the safety of the house.

We were outside a few hours ago, as the kids and I often are one or two times in a day, to simply play and breath in fresh air. But the wind was blowing so vigorously, even throwing sand into our faces, that it got me thinking that if we were in the Philippines, we would've been in a dangerous situation just being outside. All kinds of stuff would have been flying around already. It brought to mind "the storm that changed my life".

Well, it was not only me who remembered that. Because as I was waking up my biggest girl, who was enjoying the last remaining days of her vacation sleeping in before she starts school again in a couple of days, responded to my cheery "Good morning!" as I drew the curtains, "The weather is scary!" And what can I say to that? To someone whose recurring nightmares, especially when awake, consists of whipping winds, floods, and being alone?

God Rules! (Happy birthday, Raindrops!)

And so it is that as the rain drops outside, I blog again after the longest time of not doing so. And it is because it is my little Ella's sixth birthday. She's not so little any more, yet still the sweet little one I love. But much sweeter and lovelier. So in connection to a writing project for my kids, here's one for her.

Happy birthday my little raindrops (or is it starlight?)

Whatever you want me to call you, you can always call me Mom.

I love the sound of rain on the roof, on my umbrella--- just as I love the tinkle of your laughter. Your eyes light up, your smile all turned up heralding mirth, showcasing your merry heart.

I love the smell of rain as it waters the earth and how it leaves everything crisp and clear. So are you, my dear, the moment you enter a room, your presence is so refreshing. Must be the innocence or that impish glint that is so endearing.

Rain falls softly, but it can be tough, too. And you have that soft heart that easily melts, but, my,! I do know you can be tough too! Don't I get a calloused forehead for the numerous times we butt heads? All the same, never forget I will always love you. Yes, you.

Rain is fun. It makes me dance around in circles and after, to jump like crazy in puddles. It invites me to sing so loud knowing that no one can hear me. Ah, you are more than rain. Twirling around with you has become my new hobby. So is singing in unmeasured beats, unwritten notes and just-thought-up lyrics. The only rule is to croon.

Rain fashion is cool. I love how it's roomy with groovy colors and sturdy, too. And you, rock it... even on a sunny day because you just want to wear galoshes. Isn't that cool?

I love thinking when it's raining. It's also the best time to read. Lately, we are finding ways to do that. I hope to spend more time together with you.

The day you came into my life wasn't raining, but, oh, how God had poured out His spirit on a woman with crumpled dreams before her and replaced them with His own perfect plans. That day, I knew I would never be alone no matter what or wherever I may be. I knew then that God rules--- and He rules with wisdom and grace. And you, dear, was there to show me how foolish man's schemes are.

Just as the coming of rain is a turning point to earth, so are you in mine. I love you and I will always cherish the gift that you are. You are God's and He loves you so much. I hope to show this to you everyday for as long as I live.

Rain falling. Tears (happily) streaming. Getting corny...

The End. 

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God's Impeccable Timing (Happy birthday, Snowflake!)
Simply God-Made (Happy birthday, Sunshine!)
Motherhood

God's Impeccable Timing (Happy Birthday, Snowflake!)

My baby is two! This year, I have a goal to write to all my children, with the first written to Angelika three years ago. Yeah, the simplest writing project I could think up. So this blog post is for Roxana, born June 10.

I call her my Snowflake, as she came during a wintry-like season in my journey on this road home. Besides that, she is also very pure in her expressions and reactions and is a real delight to be with. I am more than blessed to be her mother.

Happy Birthday, Snowflake!

My Kind of Love Songs

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's Valentines. And it has been snowing all day outside. It's beautiful.

Inside, though, someone is working in the bathroom downstairs installing a new bath after the shower stall broke. The smell and noise is not relaxing, but thankfully, it's not intruding either. So while that is going on, I am chillin' around at home with a different kind of love song. I mean, love songs. Different in a sense that you usually don't get to hear them being played on the radio with the popular ones, y'know, the ones that kids ask premature questions about and has more sounds than real words. (Y'know, what I mean? :D)

I just realized that I'm a helpless romantic after all these years of being married and having all these angels climbing on me, and having family dates. Valentines day is not that important here in Russia, so my husband and I have gone without it for years already. Still, I am all for love. And everyday, I am being reminded how I am loved and how wonderful it is to love. It just makes my day.

Here's my playlist (in no particular order).

Mount Up with Wings: Flying by More Than Just the Seat of the Pants

And so... it has been a week since the old year has been gone and the new year has begun. I am glad and grateful to see another year in my life. God is good!

How are you doing with your resolutions so far? As with every new year, I am often pressed to make new year's resolutions but it has been years since I had given up making a go at it. Instead I have brought before God in prayers my goals and dreams, and the intentions in my heart to live rightly, hoping fervently that He guides me every step of the way to fulfill them.

However, the past years had come with lots of surprises, pretty unexpected ones at that, and I was often left trying to swim through or wing it out by the seat of my pants (Ouch! Sounds painful). So, to counteract all this uncertain happenings, I am going to have a goal to make a goal. (So far, this week has given me  a bit of momentum. I have a list! Yay! :D)

And here's what I have in mind...

Taking Roots: Home, Sweet Home

It has been excruciating for me not to blog or write. Or even think. The past few months have been very strange. Life, though, went as usual, but I felt like a stranger to myself. I wasn't enjoying what I usually found enjoyable, and instead was drifting. The only explanation I could give was that I was trying to adjust to being transplanted, while at the same time finding my roots again. It wasn't an easy journey as seen by the number of blogs  produced in the past five months. But it sure is awesome after finally making sense of what is happening with me.

I have God to thank for, and the people and circumstances, and even a TV show, that showed me what I have been missing for years. (And here I thought I don't watch TV :)) I realized that I have lost my roots. For the many years I have been trying to fly--- away from home and to the places I wanted to be and the person I thought I will be--- I had forgotten that one still needs a home after all the flying is done.

Planting Seeds of Responsibility

I went through my usual routine-- saw my husband and preschooler off for the day, had a short worship with my two older children who were staying at home because of school vacation, made breakfast, fed the baby while the two kids ate, had my quick breakfast and got on with the chores. Before loading the laundry in the washing machine, I checked the girls' rooms to make sure there were no stray socks lying around.

I noticed right away Angelika's neatly made bed. She was assigned of making her own bed since age five and even before that, but it has only been recently that she has taken it to heart. It is like the task has become her crowning glory. Her bed looked fit for a princess. I felt pride for my daughter. There has been no need of telling her to do the job.