Growing Kids' Character and Personality

My colorful flowers ⚘⚘⚘

"Mama, help! Bad boys are attacking us!"#3 barged into the house crying. My mama bear instinct went on full drive, but knowing Ella, she can cry over almost anything, even just a flying mosquito. Well, with all that unusually loud noises coming from the yard, I thought the kids had all the neighborhood children invited to come play with them. I tried to calm her down to get the details. But all I got was a lot of frantic, "Small boys are attacking us!" So I looked out of the window to see what all that fuss was about. What I saw was comical, well, for me.

Two small boys, about the ages of four or six, were trying to act tough, banging small shoulders on the locked gate. I turned to Ella and asked, "If they want to play with you, why don't you let them in?" It was better for me that other children come over to play with my kids than for my own to be away while I worry over whether they're behaving well or not.

"They don't want to play. They just want to fight," was the answer. The little, smart guys couldn't obviously get through the gate by their shoulders, so they went to get a carpenter's bench (from where? I had no idea), and tried to climb over the fence. Three of my kids are older than them but these little ones are so fast and ferocious that anyone would be afraid of them. We know their father, but the kids haven't met, so I know they're harmless to some extent.

As I was looking on trying to decide whether to intervene or not, I saw that my kids were behaving according to what I've known about their temperaments. Ella got on her bike to get away but ended up biking around in circles around the yard, while crying the whole time. She was shedding real, fat tears and looked so distraught. I looked for my oldest to see what he was doing. He was fooling around with the boys, making faces--- not taking them seriously at all--- even as they were climbing the fence. The second was reasoning out with the boys, using words as much as she could, but it didn't work as they seemed to be beyond reasoning. As for the youngest? She went to open the gate, went out and confronted the boys face to face. With both of her hands on her hips, she gave them some stern scolding. Woah! The boys didn't take it too well. That made me step out to intervene, afraid that things might escalate out of hand.

I called out, "What's going on here?" The boys eventually scurried away upon seeing me and left some worker's bench behind. Despite the tension, especially the one Ella was feeling, I was quite fascinated at how each of them reacted to the situation that was before them. Their reactions were right-on with their temperaments and their growing personality.

Temperament

Previously, I wrote about Kids, Temperament and Motivation, wherein I speculated on each of my children's temperaments. This time, I'm going to go further into children's growing character and personality, with some research on child development and the inspired writings of Ellen White to help me.

By the time my son was ten, I could already tell how my firstborn child responds or reacts to situations based on his temperament, something that is naturally his. The same as with the others. Even in utero and birth, my children had shown distinct temperamental traits that set them apart from each other. And as they grow, these inherited traits have grown more obvious.

Research on Child Development identified nine temperamental traits in infants, which are fairly stable and endures through adulthood. However, childrearing practices can modify temperament significantly. And it is well to remember that these characteristics are neither "bad" or "good, but instead depends on the world the children are in and the demands expected from them. For a brief info, I've listed them below.

*Nine Temperamental Traits1

-activity level (how active the child is generally)
-distractibility (degree of concentration and paying attention when the child is not particularly interested)
-intensity (how loud the child is)
-regularity (the predictability of biological functions like appetite and sleep)
-sensory threshold (how sensitive the child is to physical stimuli: touch, taste, smell, sound, light)
-approach/withdrawal (characteristic responses of a child to a new situation or to strangers)
-adaptability (how easily the child adapts to transitions and changes such as switching to a new activity)
-persistence (stubbornness, inability to give up)
-mood (tendency to react to the world primarily in a positive or negative way)

Knowing children's temperaments, makes it useful (if not easier) in parenting them in the best way that will ensure success in developing healthy personalities.

Personality

Personality is an interaction between temperament, environment and character. It is how children behave and how they are perceived by the people around them. In the long run, it determines how they will relate to other people and the world around them. Erik Erikson's eight phases on social development helps in understanding how personality develops. I've included a brief list below of the phases from Infancy up to School Age.

*Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development1

Infancy      Learning Basic Trust or Mistrust (Hope)
Toddlerhood   Learning Autonomy or Shame (Will)
Preschool    Learning Initiative or Guilt (Purpose)
School Age    Learning Industry or Inferiority (Competence)

Character

As for my children's character, I am simply glad they were not one of the boys who were "attacking", although I know they can get precocious at times. And if they are, it is my God-given duty as their mother to teach them what is right and wrong.

Looking into how children grows cognitively and develop moral reasoning, Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, explored this area and found that children are more concerned about outcomes than intentions. Children also learn best by cooperative decision-making and problem-solving situations. Lawrence Kohlberg, an American psychologist, extended into adolescence and adulthood Jean Piaget's work. He believed that moral character develops slowly and evolves over time.

But what is right and wrong? God's Moral Law--- the Ten Commandments--- is explicit on this. Time and again, throughout history, it shows that idolatry leads to debauchery and immorality. When we don't acknowledge God and reject His commandments, we lose our sense of accountability to Him and towards each other.

Accordingly, as we get to know our Maker, moral character develops. By faith we work to develop our characters. But we need to consider that each of us are distinct from each other, with our own temperament and different experiences. We cannot assume to make others like ourselves. In a garden, there are different flowers, all varied in its own beauty. So it is in God's garden. Most especially, we should not expect a well-developed character in our children when we haven't taught them. If we have neglected to teach them, then we can not expect much from them.

What can parents do to aid their children in developing strong moral characters?

1. Decide to be the Parent.

Whether you planned to be a parent or not, when you decide to take responsibility of the child entrusted to you, determine to be the parent he/she needs. Nowadays, I've seen so many children who are taking their parents for a ride, and the parents thought it's okay. Sometimes, it goes so far that nobody can tell who the parent is. Maybe it's a backlash from the Freudian days that tells us that repressing a child's natural drives would lead to neuroses, that's why we allow our kids too much freedom. But no, for our children's sake, we need to guide and provide discipline to our children for them to develop a moral character.

As God has chosen Abraham to be the Father of Nations, so has He chosen us to be the parent for our children. It is our God-given duty to direct our children.

"For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just" (Genesis 18:19).

2. Start Early.

Pre-natal influences have a big role in developing temperament, character and personality. That is why, God was very clear in His command to Manoah and his wife in how to bring up their child, Samson, even before he was born.

The Scripture accounts: "Now there was a certain man from Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah; and his wife was barren and had no children. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said to her, “Indeed now, you are barren and have borne no children, but you shall conceive and bear a son. Now therefore, please be careful not to drink wine or similar drink, and not to eat anything unclean." (Judges 13:2-4) And this was even before she conceived!

I can trace my children's temperamental traits with the habits I had while pregnant with them. Somehow, they acquired my attitude, behaviors and reactions to my experiences while still in utero. That's why I believe that "the basis of a right character in the future man is made firm by habits of strict temperance in the mother prior to the birth of her child.... (and) this lesson should not be regarded with indifference." (AH, 199.)

We should "teach (our) children from the cradle to practice self-denial and self-control. Teach them to enjoy the beauties of nature, and in useful employment to exercise all the powers of mind and body. Bring them up to have sound constitutions and good morals, to have sunny dispositions and sweet tempers. Teach them that to yield to temptation is weak and wicked; to resist is noble and manly. (CPTS, 127).

We need to promote the development of internal self-control through clear, consistent expectations and create opportunities to practice moral reasoning and actions from the time our children are young.

3. Determine to Provide High-quality Parenting

There is not much that we can do with the genes we pass on to our children, but we have the responsibility and the God-given power to provide the right environment and experiences so our children will have strong moral characters.

Children learn best when parents are warm and caring. When we understand our children's natural reaction to certain situations, we can prepare them to overcome or avoid problems and adapt our parenting to their particular temperaments to best provide guidance and ensure success in their development.

As parents, we provide our children the tools for life by what we teach and most importantly, by being role models of moral behavior. Ellen White, in her book Ministry of Healing, wrote about the far-reaching influence of a parent. "What the parents are, that to a great extent the children will be. The physical conditions of the parents, their dispositions and appetites, their mental and moral tendencies, are to a greater or less degree reproduced in their children" (371).

4. Provide an Environment that Promotes Character-building

Kindness begins at home, so does honesty, generosity, gentle manners, cheerfulness, usefulness and loving acts. If it doesn't, where can our children start to develop a character that will bless others and would fit them for heaven?

"God designs that the families of earth shall be a symbol of the family in heaven. Christian homes, established and conducted in accordance with God’s plan, are among His most effective agencies for the formation of Christian character..." (TC 6, 430). Having an atmosphere that promotes moral growth is a must.

The choice of a home matters, though. An African proverb says, "It takes a whole village to raise a child" and so, it is true. The character of a child says a lot of not only his/her parents' parenting practices, but also about where he/she has been brought up.

Let's not forget Lot's daughters. They have one righteous father. But after being taken out safe from Sodom and Gomorrah's destruction, they committed incest out of fear that their lineage will end. (Read Genesis 19.)  The Bible is not a wishy-washy book and it records even humanity's sins for future generations to avoid. And parenting is not a wishy-washy job. We should know where we stand and act on it that our children will know and decide where to stand. We are to learn from Lot and his daughters,

"The sinful conduct of (Lot's) daughters was the result of the evil associations of that vile place. Its moral corruption had become so interwoven with their character that they could not distinguish between good and evil." (PP, 168).

Parents, our parenting practices goes a long way, so does the environment we provide for our children. We are advised to "go where, apart from the distractions and dissipations of city life, you can give your children your companionship, where you can teach them to learn of God through His works and train them for lives of integrity and usefulness." (MH, 367)

Allow other people to teach and train your children, too. Because, yes, it takes a whole village... If I have caught up with those two youngsters, I would have taken the opportunity to teach them. In a loving way, I pray. And when my kids act badly, I hope that the adults around them won't let it pass by, but would take the time to gently discipline them. I find that my children sometimes listen more to other authority figures than they do to me, like their Sabbath School teacher or our church pastor. And I encourage them to do so.

5. Point them to the Divine Pattern

While being their mother, I don't want my children to be like me. (It would be a nightmare!) We have to encourage our children not to be anyone's shadow. They should be their own person.

And I may be my children's first teacher, one who will play a continuing role in their lives, but I know for a fact that I can not give them a well-developed character--- one that is simulated after the Savior, a character fitted for heaven. But I can point them to Him, the only one who is Righteous. Oh, how thrilling it would be to be like Him!

"When we submit ourselves to Christ, the heart is united with His heart, the will is merged in His will, the mind becomes one with His mind, the thoughts are brought into captivity to Him; we live His life. This is what it means to be clothed with the garment of His righteousness. Then as the Lord looks upon us He sees, not the fig-leaf garment, not the nakedness and deformity of sin, but His own robe of righteousness, which is perfect obedience to the law of Jehovah." (COL, 312).

The work of developing our character is a work of a lifetime and which is not humanly possible when done by ourselves alone. By faith, out of love for our Savior, we submit to Him and He moves our being.

For me, while temperament is wholly my child's, but which can be guided as he grows up; character is God's, imputed by faith. And these two, together with the third component, environment, makes up a person's personality. But while personality is what we need to get by in this world, a character of faith and integrity is what our Father in Heaven is after.

And so, I watch and pray. I observe my kids, and pray for wisdom to guide them and for Him to give them His character.

May He find us faithful with what He has entrusted us. And may He find them true to His promises and purpose for them.

----------------

Resources:

1Feldman, R.S., Development Across the Life Span, 4th Ed, Pearson
2COL, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/col/col.asp
3MH, http://www.whiteestate.org/books/mh/mh.asp
4http://centrowhite.org.br/files/ebooks/egw-english/books/The%20Adventist%20Home.pdf






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A Pimple, Pain and Praise

Today's blog is a simple praise to the God above. And it starts with

A pimple. One that was inside one of my nostrils exactly a week ago, and which I couldn't squeeze out of oblivion. Instead it swelled rendering me helpless, irritated and scared.

God is gracious. He is giving and generous. I have seen my plate full---prepared by a loving God--- that it wasn't easy choosing which enjoyable plat du jour to relish for the moment. I have family and friends I cherish, wonderful people I meet and learn with--- who challenge and stimulate growth--- a work I love and plenty of dreams taking shape right at this moment. I have no cause to complain, none at all, only many reasons to praise and worship Him. And foremost is because He is God, my God.

With hands full, I am doing a balancing act and along the way, I must have dropped a ball. Or simply, a pimple grew. But it gave me such terrible discomfort that I thought it was a death sentence. (Yeah, I am a cracked pot in many ways. Thank God, He holds me together in one place.)

Warm Thoughts On a Frosty Night

Our yule tree is still up but there are more pine needles and christmas balls on the floor than there are on the tree. Little Roxy has been busy shaking the tree and "trading" balls around with her older sisters. She thinks they should be carried around hanging from the fingers, like a vendor would when selling ready-to-eat rice wrapped in niyog (coconut) leaves. These vendors are usually found in the Philippines in places where people are on the move, usually get hungry and  have no time to spare for cooking, like bus terminals or stopovers.

There's a snowstorm brewing right now. Our second to be blessed with for this winter. Snow has been scarce and so it's welcome. The brick fence with all the snow that settled on it looks so dreamy. Every time I see fresh snow, this comes to mind:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

The scene outside is like that of angels plucking feathers from each others' wings and flinging them all around in happy abandon. Maybe they're having a pillow fight with the pillows of clouds bursting white snow. So much activity going on outside, pretty much unlike the scene inside, well, without the children. In a weather like this, I don't need much, just some hot tea, a heated floor, family around, a book, my notebook and pen, and a warm blankie. And yes, my necessary zumba on some mornings to get the stiff out of my creaky bones.

Almost Robbed

I was walking home from my work place unmindful of any danger and safe in the thought that I was only a couple of blocks away from home when, unexpectedly, my peaceful thoughts were interrupted. "Please give me your phone," a male voice said. At that same instant, I felt something sharp at my side. I froze, then quickly caught a glimpse of an old, rusty knife pointed at me. In a split second many thoughts raced through my mind. I'm being robbed! There's a knife at my side! I'm going to die! No way! What should I do?! Lord, help me what to do! It's dark! Nobody is around (every normal person would be asleep at 4:00 a.m.)! Then God spoke through my thoughts, "Shout! Shout to wake the whole neighborhood up!"

I didn't have time to argue with God on His methods and on what I should shout, especially with a knife poking my belly, so I shouted, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" And as I did, I quickly moved a step away from the knife. I shouted at the guy, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" again and again. He was clearly taken aback.

Being a person who loves words and likes to talk, I am embarrassed that words escape me at that time when I could have been more eloquent and given a good sermon to that guy about robbing a defenseless girl. But, well, no other words really came to my fright-frozened mind that early morning.

Either my words froze him to his toes (highly unlikely as this happened in the hot country of the Philippines) or there was something else, which glued him to the pavement. I took advantage of the surprise I had given him by backing away while still shouting, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" Yeah, same words. Again and again. I gained more confidence as I saw him frozen at still the same spot where he first pointed the knife at me. I didn't know then (and still don't) why he was all transfixed but it doesn't matter now, only that it gave me confidence. 

I shouted louder and louder, with more flourish, as I gained confidence at every step that I took away from him, even to the point of telling him, "I'm going to call the police and get you jailed!" Finally, some other words! 

Then I turned about face and ran as fast as my two short legs, and the adrenaline pumping through my blood, could take me. I ran like my life depended on it and didn't stop until I reached home.

Okay, so I wasn't really robbed. Just almost robbed. But it would have turned out differently if I had simply given that knife-guy what he wanted. My phone. What would have happened if I have simply given in to my emotions was that, I would have had to endure a loss.

Everyday we are being robbed. And we don't even know it. We are robbed of our precious time, our mental and physical health, our joys, and even of life. Part of the problem is, there is no voice telling us that we are being robbed. They are just simply snatched away right in front of our noses or swept away right from under our feet. And there's no need for a rusty, old knife. Emotions will do. There's fear, guilt, anger, resentment...

After being away from my family for a long time and being with them back again, I should be happy and grateful for what I have: good health even after giving birth for the fourth time in a foreign country, a devoted husband, four happy children, some personal challenges, a warm shelter, food on the table, and a God who showers me with blessings. But the recent weeks has seen me in a very miserable state as I can only think of the turn-off's in my paradise. I don't get along too well with my mother-in-law. I am way too different to most people in my new adopted country and I don't speak the language. I suck at housekeeping, cooking, and taking care of my husband and children. For the past weeks, I have been bombarded by these negative elements and allowed them to overshadow the many good things that I do have. It has robbed me of happiness that I could have enjoyed and… I'm not even at knife-point!

So I wallowed in misery of my own making. I have allowed myself to be robbed. 

As I reflected on my past experience of being almost robbed, I thought, what if I show the same spunk in my present circumstances as I did back then when that knife-guy tried to rob me of my phone? What if I pray, like I whispered a prayer then, asking God what to do? And God was very clear then in what I had to do, even if it involved mostly of shouting. I am positive that He will teach me what to do with the negative elements that rob me from enjoying what I have in my life now as He was in helping me escape from almost being robbed. 

After (not just a whisper but…) a lot of loud-crying, pillow-thumping, tear-jerking talks (a.k.a wrestling) that God has to take from me, here's what we came up with. When we are being robbed by the negative elements in life, here's what to do after 'wrestling' with God.

1. Accept the inevitable. Too many people (and that includes me) allow themselves to be unhappy over minor irritants and forget they have something good going for them. Only God can change people and has the real power over what's happening in this world. You cannot change the 'robber'. I couldn't, even if I had tried giving that knife-wielding guy a sermon. It is still up to him to change his mind whether to continue robbing or not. So with a lot of negative elements in life. Like, my mother-in-law and I don't have a perfect relationship. And try as I might, I won't be able to change her to like me unless she makes up her own mind to do so. All I can do is accept her. Life is already too full of troubles without struggling over things that can't be changed. Besides, she's not the enemy. Remember, our real enemy, the devil, is out there and he wants broken people and lives. The Bible identifies him as "…your adversary the devil, (who) as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). 

Daniel knew why he was in Babylon and not at his home in Jerusalem. It must be painful for him, as it was with the other Hebrews, to see their home broken and themselves, believers of a living God, captives. He had to accept that he had to live with the heathen in a country that didn't acknowledge God. He accepted that. He knew he could not change what God has determined. God has control of what was happening and of the people around him, of which he had no control at all. He lived his life the best he could under such circumstances with all that God had given him. 

At the moment of realization that we are being robbed, we will greatly benefit if we learn to accept the inevitable and enjoy what we have, saving ourselves from a lot of unnecessary anxieties. 

2. Take responsibility. People and circumstances may try to rob us of our time, the joys of life, peace of mind, love, or of our faith in God and we may struggle over their power over us; but we do can decide if we allow them. We may not be able to change them, but we can change the most important person that can directly affect our lives--- ourselves. It is up to you to let the 'robbers' have your 'phone'; or you can tell them what I said repeatedly to that knife-guy who tried to rob me: "Don't you dare do this to me!",  breaking away his hold over me, and taking steps away from him. We can do that. We have a choice. No one can make us happy or miserable. It is up to us to be courageous and make the right choices.

The Scripture is plain that each is responsible for the life given to him and what he makes of it. "The soul who sins shall die... The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).

Daniel didn't choose to be carried away captive to Babylon, but he did choose not to be robbed of his principles by the circumstances he was in, not even after the king ordered that they be fed with his own food which were not only unclean and unhealthy, but was also offered to idols. Nor did Daniel allow the king to carry out his plan to usurp his God-given power to choose and God's authority over his life. He knew he was responsible for himself, his choices and everything he did. God had given him that freedom. He was free to take control of what went on in his life.

And so with us. God has given us that responsibility. We are accountable for our choices, our actions and whatever changes we want to make in ourselves. God expects us to take responsibility.

3. Take action. Realizing we are robbed and not doing anything about it, is making a choice to be robbed. Even the whisper of a prayer for help to God is already a choice. And whatever that God tells us to do, whether to simply give in or do something to escape, is up to us to follow. But we have to take action--- take a step or run away from getting entangled in the negative elements of life and into God's capable and loving hands. We can be sure that "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe" (Proverbs 18:10).

Pray. Listen. Those are the initial steps that one can make when being robbed. Then, act. I can say, my mom-in-law and I may not have a perfect relationship but complying to what God is telling me to do has made it better. God has the recipe. First, He opened my eyes to my own mistakes and take responsibility for them. Next, He made me accept my mom-in-law as she is and not resent her for whatever anxiety I am experiencing. Then, He opened the way for me to practice what He has been trying to teach me all along for quite a long, long time now. 

The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 has always eluded me in the past. I couldn't understand it, nor even come to terms with the words I know are there for me to follow.  Words like 'poor in spirit', 'meek', 'mourn', 'peacemaker', 'persecuted', 'reviled' are hard for me as I am proud, stubborn and egoistic. It is hard, but with God helping me all the way as I take one step at a time away from my own prideful and resentful self, I can see light. I take hope in the fact that if God can change me, then He can change my relationships into something unexpectedly better. I believe that as long as I listen to Him and abide to what He tells me to do (even if I don't quite understand), this negative element in my present circumstance is being threatened and will cease to exist, in the same way that I threatened the man who tried to rob me of getting him into jail.

Nobody can rob us of the joys of living an abundant life with God, unless we are unaware, discontented, blame others, neglectful of what God has given us, and most especially, out of touch with God. We flounder and fumble around with no help. Daniel has a true friend. In every anxiety that he has gone through (though none of his making), He had God to run to. And despite of being threatened, he stayed meek and true to God. And God stayed true to Daniel.

"The Son of God was given to redeem the race. At infinite suffering, the sinless for the sinful, the price was paid that was to redeem the human family from the power of the destroyer and restore them again to the image of God. Those who accept the salvation brought to them in Christ will humble themselves before God as His little children."

"God wants His children to ask for those things that will enable Him to reveal His grace through them to the world. He wants them to ask His counsel, to acknowledge His power… It is well for us to feel our weakness, for then we shall seek the strength and wisdom that the Father delights to give to His children for their daily strife against the powers of evil." (E. G. White, Testimonies, Vol.9, p. 284)

Jesus said, "Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you will find rest unto your souls" (Matthew 11:29). Let Jesus teach us everyday and watch Him redeem what has been robbed from us.






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The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10, NIV)

I have written an account about my imperfections in Far From Perfect and have tried to make light of them. Months after, it is still my most popular post. I don't know why, but I can only guess that it is because many can relate to our desire to be perfect, yet time and again we fumble, stumble and fall. And I can also guess that by now many of us are barely clinging through our New Year's resolutions and some may even have totally quit and abandoned ship. I understand. (This coming from a "no-resolution" gal, after having been disappointed by my own imperfect self lots of times.)

Today, however, I am coming from a more hopeful place. And I wish to take you with me.

Most mornings, now that my older daughter is going to school, I sing my anthem. It goes like this, "The joy of the Lord is my strength. My mouth is full of laughter --- hahahahaha.  Hahahahahahaha-ha-hallelujah!" And mind you, I may start solo but before long I am joined by a couple of beautiful angels with rice in their hair and black sweaty rings around their necks. And before I know it, Angelika is ready for school and the attention-getting, whining, clingy Ella is all sweet and ready to bid her older sister goodbye with "Po-po e-er!" (Her way of saying, "We'll pick you up later!")

I have sang this song when I was left with the care of my two children back in Korea, while my husband had to work in another province of the same country but much, much farther away from our temporary home at that time. He was only home at weekends. I had just given birth to an adorable baby and having an active tot acting like he can't get enough of mama's attention was insanity. My husband and I thought that it would be easier for me to recover from just giving birth and take care of the baby with my son away for the day at a baby school. I agreed. Anything would do to have some semblance of normalcy. 

So every morning I got my son ready for the school bus that would pick him up (and later bring him back home), but the new baby seemed to sense that something was amiss. She would get all whiny, making all these pitiful sounds. I sweated through all the process. 

I thought it was better for me to have some time with the baby, and it was, but in exchange for an early morning madness. By the time my baby and I would see my son off to school, I was a lump of nerves. The only thing that got me through was the song--- The joy of the Lord is my strength! I would sing it and something changed in me. I seem to gain power from the Lord to do what I had to do, and my children sensed that change and are more secured, mirroring my confident, happier disposition. Thus that, that song became my anthem. I still continue to sing it now, especially during one of those mad mama moments.

One favorite writer wrote, "We are to live in the warm, genial rays of the Sun of Righteousness. Nothing but His loving compassion, His divine grace, His almighty power can enable us to baffle the relentless foe and subdue the opposition of the human heart. What is our strength? The joy of the Lord. Let the melting love of Christ fill the heart and we are softened and subdued, prepared to receive the power that He has for us" (E.G. White, The Upward Look, 238).

We have to thank God everyday for His blessings of strength, grace, forgiveness and mercy. He has given us all that is needed to get past difficulties and challenges, and to reach our highest potential. It is ridiculous to think that we can achieve perfection on our own, because come to think of it, with our puny strength, we can not. Only when we realize how futile our self-sufficiency is, are we able to draw near to God with a humble heart and fully depend upon Him. In so doing, He "engraves His own image" in our souls. It is only by beholding Christ and seeking to become like Him will we see and know that we will never be satisfied until we are complete in Him. Colossians 2:10, "And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power."

Only Christ has the redeeming power to change us from "glory to glory". It is foolishness to think that we can do so. Our hearts, where most of our life comes from, is soiled and sin-stained, perverse and depraved; and we cannot clean it just as we cannot change the color of our skin, nor add to our own height (I'm 4'11" and still wishing for "that" 1 more inch). But praise be to God! Jesus will never neglect the work that has been placed in His hands. "Having confidence of this very thing, that He who has begun in you a good work will complete it..." (Philippians 1:6).

Be warned though that as you earnestly try to be like Jesus, the enemy will oppose you at every turn, and when you fumble and stumble and fall, he will make you discouraged and think that following Jesus is impossible. No, don't ever let him get to you. Take hold of God's mighty arm. With Him we can have the strength to, day after day, be complete and go in His strength. And everyday as we follow the Lord, we are changed; and will find ourselves tomorrow not as we are today.

As I fully depend on God daily as my source of strength, many of my mornings are redeemed. How marvelous it is to be able to smile through the sweat, rain, or tears! He fills every spaces of our hearts with joy, flowing through the cracks of our brokenness and into every crevices of our lives, our families and our communities. In our joy in Him, we find strength for our homes and our everyday for He completes us.

Whatever is your struggle today, find your joy in Him to get you through in His strength. Yes, sing it with me: "The joy of the Lord is my strength! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hallelujah!"