A Mother's Profound Joy

A MOTHER'S PROFOUND JOY

A mother's profound joy
comes in tiny bundles
concealed in the smell of your hair,
the wonder in your eyes, your laughter---
so rich, so right.

When you eat what she cooks
she feels immense pleasure
in heaping unending servings of stew,
spaghetti, memories, lessons and love
you can always keep.

You have no idea
how she stares unblinking
as you lie in repose making snores--
never mind that she's tired of cleaning
after your own shadow.

A lisped prayer is to her ear
as a President's speech
filled with hope for the future-- no fear;
a nursery rhyme you sing in play is as
Pavarotti's poignant aria.

Stories of you go on and on...
and on with no end,
told without beginning to anyone, who
cares (and dares) to listen, and a photo
becomes two million

On Facebook, Instagram
and on her beloved iPhone.
Seeing you with good books and friends,
however, fills her with gladness: you
won't be bored ever.

Even without recognition,
she glows with your B,
she's seen your struggles and efforts,
saw your grit, then your kindness
despite all tough.

A mother's profound joy
is in living grateful
confident in the Ultimate Parent's love--
your heart in His and your hand in hers.
That joy is you.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith



* Lately I have been very distracted. Blame it on the words that just seem to float out of nowhere and bother me until it gets down on paper. (I've developed a tic on one eye because of it. Like this 😉 ) So here it is in blog form. The other poems will follow right after I'm done with preparing dinner here. 

The words came as I tried to force myself to nap--- even for just 15 minutes, please--- lying beside my sleeping pre-schooler. As usual, the nap didn't  happen, the poem did, fueled at the joy, every mother knows, when one is holding her child (and smelling her/his head). Once again, I'm thankful to God for gifts and the joy of pursuing them.

Have a wonderful day!




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How to Keep Fit--- the Easy Way

Out for a walk...

I just came back from an hour of walk with my pre-schooler--- she on her trike and me on foot, sweating under a sweater and a leather jacket. The day is gray with tiny drizzles of rain. (Or mist? I'm not so sure.) So I thought a leather jacket will be warm enough, but it got too warm as I walked.

Walking is one of my easy (and enjoyable) way to keep fit, which I do twice in a week. I do other things, which I'm going to share with you in a moment. But why keep fit?

When I was younger, I kept fit to stay in shape, but I have more reasons than that now that I'm older. There are the body pains that usually go away after a few minutes of stretching and a cloudy mind that gets its dusting with every move and stride I make.

Keeping fit is essential to our bodies especially to those who are not getting any younger any more. And we don't get it by simply reading about some people who look fit and young because of their strict exercise regimen. But for many of us, it is a struggle to just simply get up and get moving, much more to do it daily.

I understand this struggle. With four kids to care and look after, a household to keep, work and interests and dreams to reach, I sometimes neglect this much-needed routine just to  have time for other things. Which I'm guilty to say I am more enthusiastic about. But having a fit body and a sound mind is important in every aspect of life as a parent, as a spouse, and in our relationship with God.

Listing down things I do, keeps them in mind more readily. Here's what I do in a week to keep fit.


1. Do the walk.

The ideal way for me to get the most out of a walk is going by myself. However, it always doesn't happen that way. So, I walk with kids. Sometimes, a kid or two. I invite the Honey to walk with me. And I do a prayer-walk around my neighborhood area or somewhere different from my usual beaten path.

I love to walk where I haven't walked before. That's why my husband is often astonished to learn that I have been in some places in our city where he hasn't brought me before. As I've mentioned, I go walking at least twice a week.

2. Dance to the Music!

On other days that I cannot go walking, I dance for 30 minutes to Zumba videos at least three times a week. The following videos in Youtube is enough to pump up some energy for me for the day, as well as, get my rusty joints stretched before I have my breakfast. Try this 15-minute Zumba video,  4-minute body toning video and a stretching video. I love that the first video is in French, and so easy and fun!

I also get my kids moving, especially when they are caught indoors because of nasty weather, by getting them do some kids zumba. And to get them enthusiastic, I move along with them to music such as "Gummy Bear" or "Hickory-Dickory-Dock", which my little pre-schooler loves. (She's a great dancer!)

3. Get soil-dirty hands.

Digging in the garden for even just thirty minutes burns 200 to 400 calories! And that includes pulling weeds and planting.  Planting vegetables have an added bonus of putting food on the table--- the healthy ones.

I have to pull weeds or our yard will resemble a beautiful Russian forest, complete with a big, brown bear. I try to get the kids in on the activity but the most they can give is five minutes, except for an empathetic Angelika, who cannot bear the thought of her mom with so much to do and no one to help her. Anyhow, working in the yard is a good bonding moment and families should do it often, working together.

4. Playtime! 

I'm not talking about video or computer games. Playtime should be with traditional games or sports. Perhaps we, adults, should be reminded how to have fun again with something as simple as playing tag or playing with a ball. There's nothing more rewarding than playing with the kids and nothing more fun while burning calories.

When I'm out of ideas, I just race the kids to the next lamp post or play a simple game of football or basketball using unlikely objects as a goal or a basket. As they are growing older, I introduce little-by-little traditional Filipino games--- the ones I played when I was a snooty-nosed urchin. There is "Seven-seven-up", "Patintero", "Luksong tinik", "Tumba Lata", "Piko". Aside from "Seven-seven-up" which we have mastered by far, we are still in the process of getting them down pat.

During winter, I roll around in the snow with them or have a snowball fight. Accordingly, minding kids and playing with them burns 300 to 600 calories.

5. Have fun with house chores. 

Ah, chores. Who likes them? Not me. But I've adopted the kids' attitude of fun, so I can get them done. And scrubbing or even just vacuuming has made me sweat so I guess I'm doing some sort of workout even if just a little bit. Even a moderate housecleaning gets a hundred to two hundred calories. In wintertime, shoveling some snow always guarantees a good workout even for just twenty minutes. In fact, ten minutes of shoveling snow will get you so warmed up you won't want to go back to the drab and boring indoors.

Not only are these activities good for keeping you fit without much thought... and maybe, effort, but they are also therapeutic. Walking always gets me back into a happy, calm mood. Dancing makes me laugh and do silly things without getting embarrassed. Digging in the dirt makes me feel human, knowing that I come from the ground. Playing keeps that youthful spirit in me. And doing chores? It keeps the house clean and having a clean house is bliss!

Whatever we do, let's do it as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23) For if we do, we will benefit greatly out of it. God's blessings are poured to those who willingly obey Him and it is His desire that we will be fit and in good health. Finally...

"Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things 

and be in health, just as your soul prospers." 

(3 John 2)

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Russian meadows. Wide, open spaces to fly, to roam...

Raining again! Not much, but consistent. The whole day had been misty, though surprisingly, not dreary. There's something refreshing about rain after a couple of days of pure sunshine and clear, cloudless skies. In fact, it's balmy and soothing. It calms my spirit, inviting me to sit down from all the constant activity and whirling. I feel so relaxed, but not sleepy. Just that--- happy-calm.

Two days ago on June 12th, this is what I wrote...

The skies have cleared up! It is all clean and blue with no cloud in sight. Bright and warm and summery. I can see beach in my mind, complete with a beach umbrella as I stay in one place helping the kids take off one set of clothes into another, and wet clothes into dry ones, and then, again... and again. I can see melting ice cream in kids' hands... and smell salty air and the feel of grainy sand under my bottom. I can hear the kids' shrieks as the waves take up on their challenge to get them wet. This makes me smile.

This is such good news after a wearisome series of rain, when we had to stay home and huddle against the harsh and unrelenting wind.

So right away, we made the most of the day by going out and celebrate with the people of Russia for Russia Day. There was a military band performing, which we missed. But we had fun with what they left behind--- military stuff. We also looked at antique cars--- so stylish that I wish I know how to drive. In another part of the city, there were fire trucks and other utility trucks lined up for people to enjoy and kids to clamber around. I felt the pride and joy of the Russian people--- the freedom that I know was not given to them for free but were protected by the very lives of their forefathers, and the efforts that the people of this age are doing to make everyone's lives better.

And as I look on and celebrate, down in my heart I celebrate as a Filipino, as my country, despite of evil men who are trying to destroy it, see another day to celebrate Philippine Independence Day with freedom, and pride at the courage given and displayed through the lives of men and women who love the country--- then and now. There is nothing more I wish for my beloved Philippines but true independence and freedom to live their God-given lives. 

In fact, this is what I wish for everyone living in this planet Earth.

But as most of us know, freedom comes with a price and a responsibility. And there is nothing truer to this than when Jesus gave up His life to set us free from a life of sin and eventual death. He paid the price for our freedom. And for this, we have a responsibility to stay free. And He alone can do this for us when we give our lives back to Him. "Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." (John 8:36).

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; 

therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.

(Galatians 5:1)

* * * * *

Let me type again normally... I have left off on my last blogpost on the subject of parents losing their cool during moments of conflict and have even thought up some measures against totally blowing off. 

But what if we've blown it? Is there anything we can do? Because I sometimes do, try as I might, like the last scene with my daughter, Angelika. 

In moments like these, a mother can...

1. Forgive. Extend grace to the kids and to yourself. Oftentimes, it's harder for me to forgive myself. That's why a mother should stop beating herself up (mentally) and instead pray to redeem the lost moment. Repent. There's no forgiveness when there's no repentance. Then move on to asking God to help you on how to redeem the moment. In Scripture, all correction is redemptive by design--- whether to correct the child or the parent. Nothing is lost on God.

2. Say "Sorry" (and mean it!). Growing up, I've never heard my father apologize to us, his children. And I understand. Because in my parents' time, apologizing was thought up as a way of buckling down under your children and was seen as a quick way to lose their respect. However, being honest to our children shows them that we, parents, are humans and are flawed. Just like them, we make mistakes. In apologizing, we model how we, as humans, may fall several times, but by God's grace can rise up again.

So say it. Ask your kids for forgiveness. Take responsibility for your behavior, that they may also learn to take responsibility with theirs.

3. Tell and Show them you love them. After a tough moment of conflict, a child is emotionally beaten up and scarred. Start the healing right away with words that will remind your child of your love--- unconditionally. This will affirm her worth, because for a child, what matters most is what you think of her. Show affection. Hug. Physical touch zaps our brain into a loving mood, which is necessary after moments of anger.

4. Pray together.  Even when I'm still blowing steam and I can't seem to stop, even as the Holy Spirit is prompting me to, I usually would gather my child or kids together in a hug to pray my emotions out with me. They, in turn, would pray and see God's redeeming way.

In her book Child Guidance, Ellen White talked about the importance of prayer in a moment of crisis, "Reveal the love you have for your erring one. As you bow before God with your child, you will present before the sympathizing Redeemer His own words, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not; for of such is the kingdom of God.” (Mark 10:14). That prayer will bring angels to your side. Your child will not forget these experiences, and the blessing of God will rest upon such instruction, leading him to Christ. When children realize that their parents are trying to help them, they will bend their energies in the right direction" (CG, 253).

* * * * *

We are free. We are redeemed. There is no better way to be than to live this powerful truth as God's children and as parents to His little ones.

Alas! We live in an imperfect and sinful body. However, God has provided a way out through His Son. Let's take hold of His hand to give us strength over our weak selves and give us patience. Those who depend on Him  will "go from strength to strength" (Psalm 84:7).  

"Let (all) be taught that every mistake, every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a steppingstone to better and higher things. It is through such experiences that all who have ever made life worth the living have achieved success" (E. White, Education, 295, 296).

And yes, only through Him. It won't be long when we get to sing "Worthy is the Lamb!", to the One who conquers for us.

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Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

Status: In a Relationship

Makeover

Ways (for a Mother) to Keep Calm

Rain is dripping outside when all I really want to do is go out for a walk and breath in some fresh air. Having been inside all day, I feel caged with my mind busy with a million things and with no direction. And when I am in such a sorry state, it shows in how I treat my children.

I yell at them. If not, I can go on and on with, "See, what you did?" I get sarcastic with them. I disrespect, forgetting that they, too, have feelings.

Afterwards, I feel bad and guilty. I punish myself by telling myself how horrible a mother I am. And when I don't feel good, all those bad emotions spill out to my children, even with my best intentions. It's a vicious cycle.

Angelika came home today determined to tell me the truth about losing the R50-bill I gave her for bus fare in coming home from school. Instead, she walked home. She wanted to be honest with me and prayed hard that I won't be angry with her. Of course, I've also resolved to stay calm when my children endeavor to tell me the truth. But as I spoke to her about what happened, I felt that angry bile rising and my voice rising with it. Angelika stood with head bowed. With much control, which I didn't feel at that moment, I stopped my tirade and told her to excuse herself as a student was coming soon for a private class with me. She went to her room.

While I got busy, I couldn't stop reprimanding myself at what I did. Leaving everything, I purposefully went to the girls' room but found the door close. Angelika locks herself in whenever she's upset with anyone, and this time she was upset with me. It wasn't locked when I turned the doorknob and I found her sitting on the spare bed hugging her legs, but she moved out of that position right away. I know I've botched it. So I just looked her in the eyes and said, "I love you." There were questions in her eyes but she remained speechless. "I love you," I said again, then softly closed the door. Later, I felt like I should have hugged her or shown more affection.

After my class and my student was gone, she came down from her room and told me, "Mom, you said 'I love you' when you came to my room." I nodded. Then she added, "I love you more."

From this incident, I've learned that even as we blow off ourselves before our kids, it's not the end yet. We can redeem what we've lost. But before totally making an embarrassment of ourselves, we can take measures. Here are some ways...

Keep Calm

1. Breath. Often when I do my breathing, I say a prayer. I find it easier to keep perspective on what is going on when I do. While others count numbers, I count on God's promises. He said,

The Lord gives strength to his people. 

The Lord blesses his people with peace.

(Psalm 29:11)

Another way to use breathing to calm down, which I've learned from one of my classes while working for my MA Counseling, is to visualize breathing in goodness and exhaling the toxic emotions out, example: anger, worry, etc. Feel the muscles in your body, the nerves, the organs inside, the tiny parts like the toes, fingers and eyes, etc, and bid them calm down and relax.

2. Go out. Just like kids need the time and space outside without walls, parents need that same space and time. A change of environment and fresh air can do wonders to a mind and body going numb with so much emotions and activity going on.

3. Have a time-out. I don't see time-out as a way to discipline but to teach children life skills, most importantly, in managing emotions. A mother taking a time-out when emotions are escalating is not only stopping herself from blasting off into the hell-world of uncontrollable anger, but also modeling to her children on what to do when they are caught in the same situation with peers, family and other people.

As long as it is safe to do so, retreat to a safer place alone. Whatever you do, whether to listen to music or take a walk or lie down on the floor alone while staring at the ceiling or read the Bible and talk to God, give yourself permission to break away from the chaos within and without. Or simply take the time-out just to escape for a few minutes from the daily grind of kids, chores and other tasks that you've set out to do. Put it on your list of things-to-do if possible. 

4. Feed yourself well. Often, mothers are so busy loading laundry, washing dishes, responding to the kids' calls that they forget that they haven't even had breakfast and it's already a few minutes before lunch time. This is so true for me. Sometimes I forget I need to drink water even as I go around giving cups with water to my kids to drink. No wonder that a mother's fuse can grow so short.

5. Don't rob yourself of sleep. I am very guilty of this even as I'm typing. I have always seen the time when my kids are sleeping as time for me to do many chores and writing tasks that I couldn't do when the kids are awake, but I've realized how in the process I am sabotaging my own plan. So for now, this blogpost will have to wait to be finished in another time while I sleep.

Tomorrow I'll write about redeeming what we lost after we've lost our cool. Stay with me. At the mean time...

I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, Lord, will keep me safe.

(Psalm 4:8)

Good night! 

5 Songs to Keep the Rhythm of Life

Music is a big part of life. Well, for me, anyway.

But there was a time I ignored it to avoid conflict. The rhythm of my life stood still. Oh, how dull it was. (And no, it didn't help to endear me to that one person.) I've learned from then on, not to compromise who I am and my life to other people's whims, much more my worship to my God. Because music and life, and all our creative gifts, come from Him. Though it could be used for something else, the whole of it is a means of worship when He is acknowledged and these gifts are dedicated to Him.

Through the years as I've grown, so has my appreciation for music and the experiences that people, who wrote them, go through. Today, I thought of sharing them with you. I have included a little bit of background of the songs and why these songs should at least be heard given the time one needs them. They are not in any kind of order.

Grace

Spring by Russian artist Stanislav Zhukovsky

I came in peace, I sowed discord.
I sought to belong, I got rejection.
I wanted love, I found animosity.
I long for family, I made an enemy.

Through it all, God answered my needs.
Grace for all my frustrations, my emotions,
Grace for depression, for desperation,
Grace for arid valleys and destructive storms,
Sufficient grace even before I call.

In my struggles and restlessness,
He brought quiet rest.
I wrestle for rights, for supremacy,
I see His full glory in humility.

So I bowed as He took on Himself my faults.
Grace for all my weaknesses, my peccadilloes.
Grace for my inability, my futility,
Grace for fruitless years and empty life,
Abundant grace for a sinner such as me.

In victory I stand as I embrace His promises.
I conquer on my knees in Jesus' blessed name.
I overcome as He holds me--- Jesus, hold me.
I give grace, for Your grace is enough for me.

Copyright © 2017 zernahfaith

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

 for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, 

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

*The verses above came about as I reflected on Abigail's life and example, and of course, I couldn't help but look on my own life and reactions. You may read Abigail's story on 1 Samuel 25. She is one amazing woman who, instead of focusing on injustice and rejection, chose to live in grace and give grace. She didn't dwell on her arid valleys but instead stored up in abundance kindness and generosity. When her moment came, the one where only she could avert disaster and use the gifts God had given her, she was more than ready. She rose up to the occasion.

I more than know that we often have our "arid valleys" and "destructive storms", whether brought on by circumstances or our own sinful tendencies, they cause us to cry out against God or to God. Whatever you choose to do, God's grace is abundantly made available for you. It is there to meet our every need. It is there to fill up our nothingness. It is there to grasp and hold on--- sufficient to the day, hour, minute, and moment of trial and weakness. Let Him hold you. His grace is enough.





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Wellspring of Life

The temperature continues to fall as we draw closer to the heart of winter. And as it does, life throbs on unperturbed at its harshness and chill. Some may wonder how one stays cheery, much more passionate at the constant onslaught of coldness and terribly inhumane treatment. But there's something I want to tell you today.

The wellspring of life--- the heart--- stays warm as you guard and care for it.

Today has been an interesting day for me, not because of some big event or happening, but because of the bits and pieces that make up life. I had a conversation with my teen friends about the new year, growing old and something about fellowship/friendship/relationship. Here's what happened after they filed into the classroom bringing with them the mud from the melting snow. (We laughed as we saw how the floor was turned into something resembling that of a rice paddy with the amount of mud the teens' boots brought in.)

"So, are you, guys, looking forward to the new year?" I asked, thinking that everybody must be as excited as I am at the thought of the coming new year. I didn't expect the reply.

"No."

"No?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "Why?" I wanted to know what was so terrible about the coming year that my teen friends are not so happy about it. More difficult schoolwork? Loads more homework? A national exam to face? What? The response stumped me further.

Beauty

Li'l Angelika in a costume made
by my late mother, when I was away
 and unable to be with my daughter,
a few days before 'the storm'.

Beauty
is not found in heavily made up ladies,
Neither in the sparkling diamonds or glitters of gold
Brimming from necks and limbs;
Nor in the latest models of gadgets or antiques of old,
Strings of possessions and processions of things.

Beauty---
if you care to look--- is in the eyes
Of one where joy resides, see as she smiles
At the future in this ocean of life,
Facing with mirth its every ebb of tide,
Grateful, joyful for every unexpected love
Committed on the vow she made to the One above.

Stay Alive

It's half past seven in the evening and the kids and I are still outside enjoying the last rays of the sun. Well, it doesn't look like it is going away any minute. Summer.

Much as I have come to adore winter with its snowy wonder, I can't help but have a tryst with summer. On the first hand, summer has been my first love.

With summer's crystalline days, trees are so green that envy must be jealous. I tend to look up more. The skies are their best of blue, even birds just have to stage their pirouettes with it as the backdrop. As I'm writing, a lone bird is showing off by sailing, cutting through the winds with his wings with the precision of a machine. But it is not a machine, for it is way too fluid. Weightless, it dips and soars.

On Over-Grown Hair, Growing Old and Living Forward

It's spring, it's raining, the greens are growing and I feel brand new. Well, my hair is. I chopped them off.

I had grown tired of my long, wavy mane after I had to fight with it every time I take a bath. It clutched and it clung at me like sea anemones. Also, the baby often tugs at the little that is left of it when she feels like riding a horsey. Most of my hair is in a habit of doing a free-fall. It is everywhere. I got so tired of it one evening that I took one of the kids' scissors and cut it myself.

But this kind of thing called hair just keeps growing if you happen to notice at all. Mine did and by the time I grew so frustrated, it had grown again resembling the appearance of a broom, but bushier and gristly. So they had to go.

I went to a hair shop. Or so it said in Russian in front of the place. But after a few weird stares of the people who were there as I walked around trying to find the one who mans the counter, I figured out that it was a man's world. A barbershop. Feeling like the village idiot, I exited.

Seize the Day!

source

As I'm typing this off on my phone (and later on the computer), the sunlight is streaming through the windows. The sky... My! It's drawing pictures. Running horses there, a misty mountain here. Beautiful. It is much like the day I intentionally claimed and became one of my beautiful days--- vibrant, dreamy and raw.

Spring is coming. I can almost smell it. And it fills me with hope. And so much love.

It started off as just a day I claimed was for me. One that involves going far from all that distracts me from having a much-needed time with myself, like my highly affectionate kids and husband, and the technology I seem to struggle with finding balance. I have to simply be alone--- just me and my God. The objective was just to go out and see the world with eyes of hope. And love.

I have developed in-grown eyeballs. This is a common malady for many women. It is hard to see life and the beauty in it when one's sight are often directed inwards. It is a surefire way to be miserable. I need to see life.

3 Things I Love About Being a Woman

Ended up a wonderful day with this photo, then I got a flower. :)

March 8. It's a national holiday here in Russia, celebrating women and all that they stand for, of course, that includes their contributions and achievements, but mainly on just simply being who they are. I come from a place that has high regard for women, but having a day set aside just to honor and recognize them would have been really wonderful. Being in Russia, though, I am privileged to be included in the celebration. (My dear husband makes sure of it and tells me a few days before the date to claim it for myself. I'll show you what I did today on my next blog.)

Because of this Women's Day, I got spoiled with chocolates, flowers, cards and special presents from my family and friends. I even got a virtual greeting from Mr. Putin, passed on to me by a friend. (I feel like I should put a smiley here.)

Rest: Jesus' Secret to a Well-Balanced Life

Source

Most days I run around the house trying to get things done before going to work or before going to bed at midnight. These 'must do' tasks sometimes just bobs up in the surface like a hard to clean pan that I must scrub bright or a cleaning supervisor will suddenly appear over my shoulder and "Tsk tsk" me for a job not done well. I have gotten to the point where I am confused which things I really should do.

Then I got sick. And gone is the strength that powered me as I zoomed my way through the hours of the day (and night). I was left with mounds of dirty laundry and ironing that I did anyway even though I didn't want to, and meals to cook even when I didn't want to eat. All I wanted was to disappear between the blankets, soothe my pounding head with the calming sound of my throaty, labored breathing.

Spring Herald

Spring Herald, You wake us up into Your breathtaking beauty! Oh, how words are bursting from within me and into my pen. You warm us up with the daylight sun, melting the icy places in our hearts. You invite us into the splendor of Your presence. We are left speechless and in awe. You are magnificent to behold!

Makeover

Ohoo! I have curly hair. Yes, I just had a makeover.

Any woman won't probably say 'no' to a free makeover. That's why makeover shows are very popular. Who would not wish to be transformed to the best version of themselves?

Thus, when my husband suggested that I should have a makeover, even feeling slightly insulted (husbands are supposed to love their wives even for worse, read: wrinkles, fat rolls and under-eye circles. Ho! They rhyme!), I didn't decline outright.

Being in Russia and surrounded by beautiful women, I felt I needed it. Though I'm really wondering what could be done with falling hair (an after-giving-birth and nursing-a-baby phenomenon), sagging breasts and loose skin.

At any day, however, I can pass for a  sixteen year old (I'm short), that is, if you won't look too closely. Then you may catch a glimpse of a line or two on the forehead or a downy shadow of a mustache. 

Motherhood

I'm on a journey that has no end.

It started off with one. Mikhail, my son, was my first child. With petitions and prayers that I have for him as a mother and the desire to know my Ultimate Parent so as to parent like Him, I set off on my journey to motherhood land. Misha came as a happy, fun-loving and thoughtful fellow. So was I. I was all thoughts and intentions. It was my intent to enjoy the whole journey. Misha made it easy. God gave me all that is in a baby in him. But as most journeys are, there were surprises and twists. 

The Making of a Domestic Queen

My domestic princesses excited
in helping me out to make breakfast 

The big journey of life is made up of many smaller journeys. There's the journey of growing up, the journey of learning, of marriage, of parenting, of writing or of any interest, of trials and victories. And for women, there's the journey of becoming a domestic queen.

Yes, you heard me right. Domestic queen. She is someone who has mastered the art of household tasks--- the decorating, the ironing, the cooking, the cleaning, the scrubbing, the mundane, the drudgery--- and goes about it in an awesome manner--- happy and serene. The book of Proverbs has this to say about being a domestic queen. "She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness."

In our modern times, girls are brought up without education of what goes on in a home. We are sent to school with our parents' intention for us to earn a degree so we can get a job. Nothing wrong with that. But we get this education at the expense of neglecting what is most practically needed in life. A home education. Thankfully, my parents, though they insist on us hitting the books and discouraged us to get work so we can concentrate on our studies, they also assigned us simple tasks. Hence, I have a masters in dishwashing.

Almost Robbed

I was walking home from my work place unmindful of any danger and safe in the thought that I was only a couple of blocks away from home when, unexpectedly, my peaceful thoughts were interrupted. "Please give me your phone," a male voice said. At that same instant, I felt something sharp at my side. I froze, then quickly caught a glimpse of an old, rusty knife pointed at me. In a split second many thoughts raced through my mind. I'm being robbed! There's a knife at my side! I'm going to die! No way! What should I do?! Lord, help me what to do! It's dark! Nobody is around (every normal person would be asleep at 4:00 a.m.)! Then God spoke through my thoughts, "Shout! Shout to wake the whole neighborhood up!"

I didn't have time to argue with God on His methods and on what I should shout, especially with a knife poking my belly, so I shouted, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" And as I did, I quickly moved a step away from the knife. I shouted at the guy, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" again and again. He was clearly taken aback.

Being a person who loves words and likes to talk, I am embarrassed that words escape me at that time when I could have been more eloquent and given a good sermon to that guy about robbing a defenseless girl. But, well, no other words really came to my fright-frozened mind that early morning.

Either my words froze him to his toes (highly unlikely as this happened in the hot country of the Philippines) or there was something else, which glued him to the pavement. I took advantage of the surprise I had given him by backing away while still shouting, "Don't you dare do this to me!!!" Yeah, same words. Again and again. I gained more confidence as I saw him frozen at still the same spot where he first pointed the knife at me. I didn't know then (and still don't) why he was all transfixed but it doesn't matter now, only that it gave me confidence. 

I shouted louder and louder, with more flourish, as I gained confidence at every step that I took away from him, even to the point of telling him, "I'm going to call the police and get you jailed!" Finally, some other words! 

Then I turned about face and ran as fast as my two short legs, and the adrenaline pumping through my blood, could take me. I ran like my life depended on it and didn't stop until I reached home.

Okay, so I wasn't really robbed. Just almost robbed. But it would have turned out differently if I had simply given that knife-guy what he wanted. My phone. What would have happened if I have simply given in to my emotions was that, I would have had to endure a loss.

Everyday we are being robbed. And we don't even know it. We are robbed of our precious time, our mental and physical health, our joys, and even of life. Part of the problem is, there is no voice telling us that we are being robbed. They are just simply snatched away right in front of our noses or swept away right from under our feet. And there's no need for a rusty, old knife. Emotions will do. There's fear, guilt, anger, resentment...

After being away from my family for a long time and being with them back again, I should be happy and grateful for what I have: good health even after giving birth for the fourth time in a foreign country, a devoted husband, four happy children, some personal challenges, a warm shelter, food on the table, and a God who showers me with blessings. But the recent weeks has seen me in a very miserable state as I can only think of the turn-off's in my paradise. I don't get along too well with my mother-in-law. I am way too different to most people in my new adopted country and I don't speak the language. I suck at housekeeping, cooking, and taking care of my husband and children. For the past weeks, I have been bombarded by these negative elements and allowed them to overshadow the many good things that I do have. It has robbed me of happiness that I could have enjoyed and… I'm not even at knife-point!

So I wallowed in misery of my own making. I have allowed myself to be robbed. 

As I reflected on my past experience of being almost robbed, I thought, what if I show the same spunk in my present circumstances as I did back then when that knife-guy tried to rob me of my phone? What if I pray, like I whispered a prayer then, asking God what to do? And God was very clear then in what I had to do, even if it involved mostly of shouting. I am positive that He will teach me what to do with the negative elements that rob me from enjoying what I have in my life now as He was in helping me escape from almost being robbed. 

After (not just a whisper but…) a lot of loud-crying, pillow-thumping, tear-jerking talks (a.k.a wrestling) that God has to take from me, here's what we came up with. When we are being robbed by the negative elements in life, here's what to do after 'wrestling' with God.

1. Accept the inevitable. Too many people (and that includes me) allow themselves to be unhappy over minor irritants and forget they have something good going for them. Only God can change people and has the real power over what's happening in this world. You cannot change the 'robber'. I couldn't, even if I had tried giving that knife-wielding guy a sermon. It is still up to him to change his mind whether to continue robbing or not. So with a lot of negative elements in life. Like, my mother-in-law and I don't have a perfect relationship. And try as I might, I won't be able to change her to like me unless she makes up her own mind to do so. All I can do is accept her. Life is already too full of troubles without struggling over things that can't be changed. Besides, she's not the enemy. Remember, our real enemy, the devil, is out there and he wants broken people and lives. The Bible identifies him as "…your adversary the devil, (who) as a roaring lion, walks about, seeking whom he may devour" (1 Peter 5:8). 

Daniel knew why he was in Babylon and not at his home in Jerusalem. It must be painful for him, as it was with the other Hebrews, to see their home broken and themselves, believers of a living God, captives. He had to accept that he had to live with the heathen in a country that didn't acknowledge God. He accepted that. He knew he could not change what God has determined. God has control of what was happening and of the people around him, of which he had no control at all. He lived his life the best he could under such circumstances with all that God had given him. 

At the moment of realization that we are being robbed, we will greatly benefit if we learn to accept the inevitable and enjoy what we have, saving ourselves from a lot of unnecessary anxieties. 

2. Take responsibility. People and circumstances may try to rob us of our time, the joys of life, peace of mind, love, or of our faith in God and we may struggle over their power over us; but we do can decide if we allow them. We may not be able to change them, but we can change the most important person that can directly affect our lives--- ourselves. It is up to you to let the 'robbers' have your 'phone'; or you can tell them what I said repeatedly to that knife-guy who tried to rob me: "Don't you dare do this to me!",  breaking away his hold over me, and taking steps away from him. We can do that. We have a choice. No one can make us happy or miserable. It is up to us to be courageous and make the right choices.

The Scripture is plain that each is responsible for the life given to him and what he makes of it. "The soul who sins shall die... The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).

Daniel didn't choose to be carried away captive to Babylon, but he did choose not to be robbed of his principles by the circumstances he was in, not even after the king ordered that they be fed with his own food which were not only unclean and unhealthy, but was also offered to idols. Nor did Daniel allow the king to carry out his plan to usurp his God-given power to choose and God's authority over his life. He knew he was responsible for himself, his choices and everything he did. God had given him that freedom. He was free to take control of what went on in his life.

And so with us. God has given us that responsibility. We are accountable for our choices, our actions and whatever changes we want to make in ourselves. God expects us to take responsibility.

3. Take action. Realizing we are robbed and not doing anything about it, is making a choice to be robbed. Even the whisper of a prayer for help to God is already a choice. And whatever that God tells us to do, whether to simply give in or do something to escape, is up to us to follow. But we have to take action--- take a step or run away from getting entangled in the negative elements of life and into God's capable and loving hands. We can be sure that "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe" (Proverbs 18:10).

Pray. Listen. Those are the initial steps that one can make when being robbed. Then, act. I can say, my mom-in-law and I may not have a perfect relationship but complying to what God is telling me to do has made it better. God has the recipe. First, He opened my eyes to my own mistakes and take responsibility for them. Next, He made me accept my mom-in-law as she is and not resent her for whatever anxiety I am experiencing. Then, He opened the way for me to practice what He has been trying to teach me all along for quite a long, long time now. 

The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 has always eluded me in the past. I couldn't understand it, nor even come to terms with the words I know are there for me to follow.  Words like 'poor in spirit', 'meek', 'mourn', 'peacemaker', 'persecuted', 'reviled' are hard for me as I am proud, stubborn and egoistic. It is hard, but with God helping me all the way as I take one step at a time away from my own prideful and resentful self, I can see light. I take hope in the fact that if God can change me, then He can change my relationships into something unexpectedly better. I believe that as long as I listen to Him and abide to what He tells me to do (even if I don't quite understand), this negative element in my present circumstance is being threatened and will cease to exist, in the same way that I threatened the man who tried to rob me of getting him into jail.

Nobody can rob us of the joys of living an abundant life with God, unless we are unaware, discontented, blame others, neglectful of what God has given us, and most especially, out of touch with God. We flounder and fumble around with no help. Daniel has a true friend. In every anxiety that he has gone through (though none of his making), He had God to run to. And despite of being threatened, he stayed meek and true to God. And God stayed true to Daniel.

"The Son of God was given to redeem the race. At infinite suffering, the sinless for the sinful, the price was paid that was to redeem the human family from the power of the destroyer and restore them again to the image of God. Those who accept the salvation brought to them in Christ will humble themselves before God as His little children."

"God wants His children to ask for those things that will enable Him to reveal His grace through them to the world. He wants them to ask His counsel, to acknowledge His power… It is well for us to feel our weakness, for then we shall seek the strength and wisdom that the Father delights to give to His children for their daily strife against the powers of evil." (E. G. White, Testimonies, Vol.9, p. 284)

Jesus said, "Learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you will find rest unto your souls" (Matthew 11:29). Let Jesus teach us everyday and watch Him redeem what has been robbed from us.






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Thoughts on Pregnancy, Birth, Postpartum, Babies and Motherhood

I have just given birth to a lovely baby. Her name is Roxana. She is truly a gift from heaven.  In the few days that she has been under my care, thoughts of what it takes and what it means to be a mother has occupied my mind. So I thought of sharing them as to empty my head a li'l bit. ;)

Anyhow, if you have thoughts about birth, pregnancy, motherhood or babies that we might enjoy, feel free to send it to me through my email or pm me through Facebook. I'll include them here together with your name. Thanks... And enjoy the day!

A baby's first smiles can ease the mother's pains and aches like no other medicine can do. 

Giving birth is always an amazing experience (even at my fourth). But with it is acute pain. Pain at how frail we are. Pain at how women are cursed. If only there is no pain... But Eve listened to the serpent just as we still do now-- prone to wander, prone to sin. Giving birth is a curse. Yet even in the painful curse of giving birth, God has never left us hopeless and without mercy. For in every birth, there is empowerment, that though how weak we are, there is enough strength that God has put in us to get every mother through the painful process. And in every birth, there is a blessing, a blessing of taking part in God's wonderful work of creation. And finally, in giving birth, there is hope-- hope that God has never given up on sinful humanity. Every child born is a reminder that God is merciful and "unto us a Child is born" (Isaiah 9:6), the Savior of mankind, Jesus. That Savior was born to a woman--- a woman, weak, sinful, cursed; yet strengthened, blessed, saved through Him--- in the same painful curse of a process, called birth.

Dealing with the Small Things

"The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (Romans 8:6 NIV)

Life is made up of little things...

It's funny how I can handle major challenges/stresses in life so capably, if not exquisitely; and fumble around, really sweating out when it comes to the daily, the ordinary, and the mundane. It takes me by surprise how inept I am. On other days, it sneaks up on me and totally renders me powerless and shows me for who I really am--- a helpless, pathetic, unprepared coward. I am usually left all spent after an aftermath of seemingly ordinary trial or after the realization of how I was overthrown again by something so simple. It is very upsetting to be aware of how hopelessly human I am.