I'm on a journey that has no end.

It started off with one. Mikhail, my son, was my first child. With petitions and prayers that I have for him as a mother and the desire to know my Ultimate Parent so as to parent like Him, I set off on my journey to motherhood land. Misha came as a happy, fun-loving and thoughtful fellow. So was I. I was all thoughts and intentions. It was my intent to enjoy the whole journey. Misha made it easy. God gave me all that is in a baby in him. But as most journeys are, there were surprises and twists. 

I wanted to be a good mother but this motherhood thing was all so new and foreign.  I had to learn to survive. I tried to learn as much as I could. And as with driving, we can only learn to parent well when we do the parenting ourselves and not throw the responsibility off on another person's lap. I did not only survive, I thrived. I had fun and was happy in my new role.

Then came two--- Angelika. I thought then, "Maybe I'm going way too fast?" But as soon as I had her in my arms, she snuggled  right into my heart. The journey wasn't getting easier. It was getting challenging, though. I was having a hard time resolving between working, studying and having more time with my family. There were regrets, mistakes; but in learning and growing, they are all part of it. 

I let love guide me. We can never go wrong with it. 

My Ultimate Parent was patient. Patiently waiting for me to acknowledge Him as my source of strength and wisdom. He was waiting, until...

Three. She came and I wasn't ready for her. I was on IUD when she miraculously took over my plans, goals and ambitions. And I wasn't ready to just let them go. But when I saw and heard her heartbeat on the sonogram machine with the IUD kicked to the other side, I knew then that she was meant to be mine--- a gift, lent to me from above. Her conception told me that my Ultimate Parent knows what is best. He rules. He will always take care of me and my family. In acquiescent, I bowed and sighed with relief, "So be it, my Lord. So be it" (Luke 1:38). And I joyfully received my little Gabriella, without any doubt that God is in control and knows what He is doing.

sleeping in a tent...
Now, four. She came as I am waiting on a dream. A dream that will have to wait longer for now--- adoption. 

Roxana came in the midst of uncertainties... and a big tragedy with heart-rending losses. She mourned with me. She also experienced the joy of me being given the same wonderful gift for the second time, her sister, Angelika. 

As for me, I am not the same. God has blessed... and I am His willing handmaid. I am more than blessed. So much more than I could ever thought or imagine. Everything is falling into place and is just perfect in God's own time.

And my dream... it can wait until God deems it best for all of us. I have always thought we can make a difference in another person's life by investing in love. It's not really about how much money we have but rather more about our willingness to give up something so we can give to someone something better--- ourselves and love.

Facing my reality is like being on a dream, which only God knows. He, however, has revealed the ending. There isn't one. A part of me lives on in my children... and it's up to them to keep the legacy going or let it die. As God has decided to adopt me into His family, so it is my pleasure to introduce them to His wonderful family, with Him as their Ultimate Parent, just as He is mine.

Count off!
My children are growing. Someday they will be on their own. But they will forever be mine. Not to hold and rock when they need a nap, but to follow with my heart and my prayers for their own journey. It doesn't matter that this journey has no end. It's more than what I can ask. It's more than what I can ever dream. God has blessed.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined 
what God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Corinthians 2:9

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