Thirty Six

Today is my day. I am thirty-six.

I was six when I was so sure I knew my numbers. I tried to impress my mom by writing out all the numbers I knew at that age. I am certain that I knew even up to a hundred. But now, I can see that I don't have the natural stamina to crunch numbers and I didn't get to finish that project. My mom understood me though. However, that should have warned me about getting a degree based solely on a personal dare. (I've got an accounting degree, but the number challenge has waned.)

I was sixteen when I was so sure what I would do. I was going to be a journalist, writing other people's stories. But now, I can see that it would be too hard for me to maintain my interest in other people's stories when there is a lot going on inside me. Nobody understood my need to write, not even myself. But perhaps, I should stick to my own story.

I was twenty and six when I was so sure I could be anything that I want, even be rich and famous. I practiced and practiced my singing and songwriting, and even learned to play the guitar on my own. I got quite good but not good enough to make a living. Now I can see that they (my singing and songwriting) were meant not to get rich and famous, but to praise God...and God alone. I am glad I finally understood that.

And now... I am thirty six, and I am only very sure about one thing--- God is in control. National leaders, rulers and kings may seem to have the power, but only God REALLY rules. If I know this, and if I know Him, even if the world turns upside-down and inside-out, nothing will shake me. For God is good, He works out every circumstance for my own good and for a blessing. This, I now understand very well.

I may have made mistakes, missed or failed opportunities, but together with my victories and successes, they have blended together and have made me into my beautiful 36.

Thirty six is an exciting year to be--- not too young to be what I want, not too old to be what God wants. I am where I am meant to be. I am grown, growing and ready. I am learning, going, doing, being. I am seeking, asking, knocking, living.

I am thirty-six... And it sure feels good to praise God as He has His way in me. And so Lord, "teach us to number our days, that we may have a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12).


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