To Drink or Not to Drink

"Sorry, I don't drink." 

I'm not sure how many times I had to say that line in just one evening. It was the night my husband introduced me to his friends. And for the most part, socializing usually involves a little bit of drinking or eating while talking. It would be too awkward when the talking gets a little too slow and one is left with just twiddling thumbs or gulping air.

Far, Yet So Near

I kissed and hugged my husband goodbye. Most days it was to see him off to work. At other times, it was to wish him a good time fishing or hunting. But we knew this time was different. I would be gone with the girls with no definite plans of coming back. Yes, we were leaving Russia, but we knew we were coming back. When? Nobody knew. (But I'm sure God does.)

I left Russia with a heavy heart, yet hopeful, knowing that I will see my dear husband and son again.

Happy Place

A prayer garden in Korea

This is going to be a short post. Yay! I can almost hear you shout.

Where is your happy place? Physically, we get worn out and we often can't wait to get home to find rest. Emotionally, where do you go? Some find comfort in food. (Beware!) Others, in activities. I do, too. But I have found that being in a certain place is a sure way to get me back to my happy. Here they are in any order.

Woods. 

I have to admit that I saw a photograph that a friend shared on Facebook, and 'happy place' came to mind. It was a picture of an unpaved road, with tall trees and green grasses on both sides. Looking at the pic, I could almost hear the silence, with only the sound of my footsteps as I imagined myself walking on that road, crunching the leaves underfoot, with the wind softly blowing on the leaves of the trees and on my face. I could almost smell the fresh, clean air until...

I smelled the neighbor's food cooking, wafting through my window and I was brought to where I really was. Ah, it would always be pure joy to be in that place.

I have walked with my husband in the forest in Russia, when he took me hunting or fishing and I greatly enjoyed it. I love the green all around and the wild flowers growing without care on their own. I love the silence. It soothes the busy clamor deep inside me and echoes the music I want to hear in my heart. I have also enjoyed climbing up hills full of beautiful trees in Korea, where a nondescript prayer garden is hidden. 

Walking is one of my happy activities and so are singing and thinking-praying. I can do all that in the woods. I could belt out my favorite hymns while walking without fear of getting embarrassed. You should've heard me. I give my best concerts in such occasions. Praying-thinking or talking with God while walking is best done in the woods. I talk, even out loud (well, nobody is there to hear except God), while examining the intricate design of a leaf or flower that our Creator has made, or while I gaze with amusement at the cheerful antics of little robins. I tell God of my joys or the burden that is making my heart heavy and I hear Him whisper words of love and comfort. Peace rolls over me and I leave the woods happy, knowing that I had just been in the presence of God.

Bookstore/Library. 

I used to frequent libraries, but after having my kids, it has been impossible to visit one since I cannot go there with them. There is an image in my mind of them turning the place upside-down and inside-out. They can't get their hands off books and I'm so sure that they'd pull them down, everyone of them,  to the floor. My fears may be unfounded as we had been to the library once. And it went pretty well. Maybe I should take them there more often.

Well, instead of libraries, we have been going to bookstores. And that has been the hanging out place of the girls and me. It is actually a very 'clever' way of doing one of the things that I love--- rubbing elbows with friends (read: browsing books... What a nerd!) and reading. I say 'clever' because the kids can have their own children's books to read, while I have my own choice of books. I don't have to sit down with them and read the same book over and over and over again, until I get all nauseated. The repetitive act is like getting carsick, and at times I can't help but ask, "Are we there yet?"

So I have my books and the girls have theirs, and it's bliss time. Until it's time to say goodbye. And we sadly say goodbye to 'friends'. Some, we won't meet anymore; some, we get to see again. (Haha...)

Bath/shower room.

This is where stress, milk residue and food bits get washed away. However, I can't be in that happy place for long before a knock comes on, and some little one asks: "Ma, what are you doing in there?" Then, another knock, and another, and another. What do they think I am doing there? If I'm lucky, I get a peep and a  surprised, "You're using my bath wash!" 

Sometimes, it's the only place where I can find a little quiet time to talk with God without waking anybody up early in the morning or in the middle of the day where kids are running the place.

Garden.

I get my hands dirty here as my back is warmed with sunshine, my brow sweaty, and my heart happy. So therapeutic! The smell and feel of soil on my fingers is enough to remind me I am loved by a Creator who takes time to shape and give me form. And even as I work, He works in my heart.

Etc.

There are also the little spaces where I sit to write or read the Bible which, by the way, is anywhere as long as I can have a few minutes. And the room where I iron gives me lots of time to reflect and enjoy solitude and fresh, clean laundry.

I have found that my happy place is not actually contained in just one place but in a variety of places where my heart have found repetitive joy. My heart chart shows that when I intentionally seek God, there I come out happy. And we humans are beings of habit. Whatever gives us delight, we seek.

So, what's your happy place? For moms, I encourage you to find your happy place and return to it again and again and again, especially when days are long, noisy, chaotic, messy and just plain crazy. Find the time. For yourself and for your loved ones. You will find that by having your happy place, you are teaching your children to nurture their happy spirits. You are teaching your husband to value you as a person and your happiness. Because once mom is happy, the whole family is happy. Take the time, find your happy place.

And may your delight is found in God. He promised, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4). You'll see it's true:"Happy are the people whose God is the Lord" (Psalm 144:15).

Imitators

It's fun watching little Ella follow everything that her big cousin is doing. Like, he would say, "Alright, alright! I will eat my vegetables!" while throwing up his hands in the air. She would copy it right to the throwing of hands while saying, "Awight, awight! E-eat wewewol!" We laugh. He would do and say something else, and she would do and say it in her own cute way. And we laugh harder.

Children are great imitators.They are good in copying almost anything that adults do. You should see the girls wearing my shoes, my lipstick, writing on my precious notebooks, singing like crazy, and preaching at me.

Eyes to Behold

Me and my taped glasses...

I am currently looking more like an absent-minded professor, not because my hair is all over the place (which is quite normal when one seldom uses the comb or hair brush, like I do), but because I am sporting a pair of glasses that's obviously taped on one side of the handles. Yeah, with one of the handles broken, the glasses might as well be broken as I will still have to get a new pair for replacement.

However, husband said that I will have to wait for when I get back to Russia to get new glasses as he wants to be around when I am choosing the new ones. He doesn't like the pair that I am wearing now and he cannot trust my judgment for the reason that I don't have style. He wants to make sure that I don't go overboard with my 'unusual' style and embarrass him by walking around with a star-shaped, glitterati pair.

I admit I could at most times be eccentric, but it is mostly on my line of thinking and philosophy, and not much on style. Currently, I have the leopard-framed, oversized glasses. I don't know what it says about me, but I like them as they are flexible, light and, well, unusual. My husband though has a different idea. For him, with the glasses I am wearing now, I might as well be wearing a pair of binoculars for all the style that I am exhibiting!

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10, NIV)

I have written an account about my imperfections in Far From Perfect and have tried to make light of them. Months after, it is still my most popular post. I don't know why, but I can only guess that it is because many can relate to our desire to be perfect, yet time and again we fumble, stumble and fall. And I can also guess that by now many of us are barely clinging through our New Year's resolutions and some may even have totally quit and abandoned ship. I understand. (This coming from a "no-resolution" gal, after having been disappointed by my own imperfect self lots of times.)

Today, however, I am coming from a more hopeful place. And I wish to take you with me.

Most mornings, now that my older daughter is going to school, I sing my anthem. It goes like this, "The joy of the Lord is my strength. My mouth is full of laughter --- hahahahaha.  Hahahahahahaha-ha-hallelujah!" And mind you, I may start solo but before long I am joined by a couple of beautiful angels with rice in their hair and black sweaty rings around their necks. And before I know it, Angelika is ready for school and the attention-getting, whining, clingy Ella is all sweet and ready to bid her older sister goodbye with "Po-po e-er!" (Her way of saying, "We'll pick you up later!")

I have sang this song when I was left with the care of my two children back in Korea, while my husband had to work in another province of the same country but much, much farther away from our temporary home at that time. He was only home at weekends. I had just given birth to an adorable baby and having an active tot acting like he can't get enough of mama's attention was insanity. My husband and I thought that it would be easier for me to recover from just giving birth and take care of the baby with my son away for the day at a baby school. I agreed. Anything would do to have some semblance of normalcy. 

So every morning I got my son ready for the school bus that would pick him up (and later bring him back home), but the new baby seemed to sense that something was amiss. She would get all whiny, making all these pitiful sounds. I sweated through all the process. 

I thought it was better for me to have some time with the baby, and it was, but in exchange for an early morning madness. By the time my baby and I would see my son off to school, I was a lump of nerves. The only thing that got me through was the song--- The joy of the Lord is my strength! I would sing it and something changed in me. I seem to gain power from the Lord to do what I had to do, and my children sensed that change and are more secured, mirroring my confident, happier disposition. Thus that, that song became my anthem. I still continue to sing it now, especially during one of those mad mama moments.

One favorite writer wrote, "We are to live in the warm, genial rays of the Sun of Righteousness. Nothing but His loving compassion, His divine grace, His almighty power can enable us to baffle the relentless foe and subdue the opposition of the human heart. What is our strength? The joy of the Lord. Let the melting love of Christ fill the heart and we are softened and subdued, prepared to receive the power that He has for us" (E.G. White, The Upward Look, 238).

We have to thank God everyday for His blessings of strength, grace, forgiveness and mercy. He has given us all that is needed to get past difficulties and challenges, and to reach our highest potential. It is ridiculous to think that we can achieve perfection on our own, because come to think of it, with our puny strength, we can not. Only when we realize how futile our self-sufficiency is, are we able to draw near to God with a humble heart and fully depend upon Him. In so doing, He "engraves His own image" in our souls. It is only by beholding Christ and seeking to become like Him will we see and know that we will never be satisfied until we are complete in Him. Colossians 2:10, "And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power."

Only Christ has the redeeming power to change us from "glory to glory". It is foolishness to think that we can do so. Our hearts, where most of our life comes from, is soiled and sin-stained, perverse and depraved; and we cannot clean it just as we cannot change the color of our skin, nor add to our own height (I'm 4'11" and still wishing for "that" 1 more inch). But praise be to God! Jesus will never neglect the work that has been placed in His hands. "Having confidence of this very thing, that He who has begun in you a good work will complete it..." (Philippians 1:6).

Be warned though that as you earnestly try to be like Jesus, the enemy will oppose you at every turn, and when you fumble and stumble and fall, he will make you discouraged and think that following Jesus is impossible. No, don't ever let him get to you. Take hold of God's mighty arm. With Him we can have the strength to, day after day, be complete and go in His strength. And everyday as we follow the Lord, we are changed; and will find ourselves tomorrow not as we are today.

As I fully depend on God daily as my source of strength, many of my mornings are redeemed. How marvelous it is to be able to smile through the sweat, rain, or tears! He fills every spaces of our hearts with joy, flowing through the cracks of our brokenness and into every crevices of our lives, our families and our communities. In our joy in Him, we find strength for our homes and our everyday for He completes us.

Whatever is your struggle today, find your joy in Him to get you through in His strength. Yes, sing it with me: "The joy of the Lord is my strength! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hallelujah!"

Speak Love

Hello! Prevyet! Anyeong! Maayo! Maupay! Mabuhay! 
Languages are fascinating. Learning them may be daunting, but after some time and lots of effort, speaking them can be truly empowering and liberating. Not that I know a lot. 

My family has to learn a few important languages, though, which I hope will increase in number as they grow up and help their world get bigger. Because I believe learning to speak other languages not only expands our mind but also our experiences and life. 

We started out in Korea, (our first temporary home and the birthplace of our children), and currently, we are between Russia and the Philippines (figure it out...:D), which are, by the way, ours by natural heritage. We learned to love languages and have become more open to learning and speaking them. At home, wherever it may be, we speak plenty of English, mixed in with Korean and Russian, with a smattering of Visayan (a mix of dialects from the Visayas region of the Philippines).

We left Korea last year for Russia and had the wonderful chance to be exposed to the Russian language. The kids' Russian have turned from better to good; and for our eldest, Mikhail/ Misha, to very good. He can converse with his dad now, comfortably switching from English to Russian anyhow he wants as they speak.

As for the girls, they have come with me here in the Philippines and have to switch from learning Russian to Filipino. Amazingly, in just a matter of one month, they are now picking up a variety of Filipino dialects. Angelika, our second, is learning Filipino (Tagalog) language formally at school for  two weeks now. Last week, after attending school for only a few days, she tried to show off by singing a new song she learned at school. She belted, "Ako ay Filipino! Ako ay Filipino!" (I am a Filipino! I am a Filipino!) Singing the same line again and again and again. Seeing that her audience was amused, she sang even louder but missed singing the first word correctly. "Afo ay Filipino! Afo ay Filipino!" Her grandpa walked in and I enthusiastically told him to look and listen to his 'apo'(granddaughter). After that she sang for him, "Apo ay Filipino! Apo ay Filipino!" (Grandaughter is a Filipino! :D). We chuckled at her cuteness. But soon she will talk good Filipino. I hope so.

The youngest, Gabriella/Ella, speaks in multiple languages at the same time. When she's hurt, she goes, "I'm apo!" (which means I'm hurt in Korean). When she's sleepy and wants to sleep, she climbs on my lap and yawn, "Speet!" (which means sleep in Russian). And now she's learning a variety of Filipino dialects too with her older sister. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, but I can see them having fun and I am not worried at all. In fact, I am absolutely in awe in how these children are dexterously managing their languages. There will come a time, I'm sure, when all these languages will come in handy and will surely be a blessing to them and others.

In the mean time, I am trying not to sound silly while talking to the girls in Tagalog/Filipino, which I am embarrassed to admit I am not very good at. I am a Visayan, for goodness' sake! I am also trying to keep up with my own Russian lessons, which is sort of going nowhere. But one day, some day, I will be able to talk too... maybe not so beautifully, but maybe good enough to sound authentic.

Angelika and her jelly friend.
 What's jelly fish in your language?

Besides, I have found that even through language barriers, souls in tuned can communicate in an amazing way. For down, deep, deep down inside each one of us, God has placed a sliver of something in our hearts. It throbs and beats the same rhythm, and it resonates to every kindred soul, speaking words that only the heart can hear. One day, some day, whatever language we speak now, we will understand, we will hear, we will speak--- that language of love. We try to speak it at home. And we hope to speak it, wherever we may be in the world, whatever the language may be spoken at the moment.

God is the author of it. We speak it as we know Him. For "a good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings forth good things" (Matthew 12:35), and there is no one who's good except Him who is Righteous. As we know Him, we speak love. He has promised that that time will come when everybody will get to speak His language, "For then will I return to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of the Lord, to serve Him with one accord" (Zephaniah 3:9).

Got to speak love.




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On Fishing, Fire and Breakfast
First, Second, Third
Imitators