My Desire

I grew up in conflict. I mean, I fought with my sisters, I fought with my brother, I fought with my parents. It's something I am not proud of. When I became more mature, that matter became a reason of embarrassment for me. Maybe it is my loud mouth or my foul temper, but whatever it is, I so easily get myself into relationship troubles with people.

Most people have their difficult person. As for me, I am my own self's difficult person. I just embarrass myself in ways I cannot imagine. Now and again, I get into a conflict with someone that I don't even know what the reason is about. I just don't know how I get into these situations even how hard I think and analyze my relationships. Mostly, it is me getting entangled in the web of mine and the other person's emotions, which I simply don't know how to unravel.

Then one day...
I started to pray a different prayer--- not to change the other person, not to get me out of the bad relationship (in other words, to quit), but to change me--- not as a different person who will be sweet as honey, but into the person who I really am with Jesus Christ in me.

I prayed for Jesus' eyes to be mine as I look at the other person and see the beauty that Jesus sees in each of us (especially the one that I have to put up with). I prayed for His heart that will make me love that person, even to the point of giving up my life for her. (Awfully hard!) I prayed for His mind that thinks only of the good of others and accepts them, forgives them, despite and in spite of everything that was done against Him. (Crazy!) Most of all, I prayed that I will be the one whom that person is looking for--- as a friend, a sister, a mother, a mentor or anybody that she needs at the moment.

Then as awesome as God is, my prayer was answered. I started to see what I haven't seen before in the other person and my heart softened, my mind understood. My behavior towards her began to change as Jesus worked in me. I see it as a miracle. I could have easily given up and waved her off, or simply said my last cutting word to let her know what I feel about her. But God didn't allow me to give up. He wanted me to change.

I still get into conflicts and, presently, have one that has been going on for quite so long now, but I believe that God is still not ready to give up on me. If God still has hope left for me, then I still have hope left to be better and pray my prayer.

If you are in conflict with anybody right now, I hope that this simple prayer will help you. But before praying this prayer, examine yourself whether you are in the right or wrong. If you are right, say this prayer right away. If you find that you have to apologize to that person, ask God to give you the courage to do it and take away your pride. Be ready to change.... into somebody like Jesus. Isn't that what we desire to be?